This is a Daygame Knowledge Base article so there's no need for a lengthy introduction.
Here are top 5 tips that you can use to fix your texting game.
1. The SQI Stack - Balance Your Statements, Questions And Invites
Have you been wondering "what I could do better", "why isn't she writing back"? How many times you've realized what you've done the moment you clicked "Send"? That's the feeling of "I fucked it up"...
The following is as close as it gets to a proper "texting model". It is text game distilled. Meet the Statement-Question-Invite by DayGameAdam.
Mind you, I'm not the author of that stack but SQI is so simple and effective that I recommend it to everyone as a starting point.
The premise is that you never want to ask her too many questions but at the same time you don't want to send her dry statements. Unless she's already thinking about sleeping with you, you'll need both. Then, of course, you need the invite.
For a girl who is already into you that would be the most simple sequence of texting: statement, question, invite. Hence the name, SQI stack.
Let's say you're texting a number that you've got earlier that day and you were joking about her being so angry that she looked like she could murder someone. It should look something like this:
"It was nice meeting you today. I hope you resisted the
urge to murder a clerk… At least for today. - YourName"
"Haha. No, I'm still smiling and didn't murder anyone so far. :)"
"So I can feel special because you didn't smile when we met?"
"So much win. :) I'm always in good mood!"
"Always? Let's find out about that over a glass of cider.
What works for you more - Monday or Tuesday?"
Not every conversation will flow like that. Sometimes because your question is far from perfect but mostly because she’s not that into you.
But the question is the crucial part. You have to ask her something phrased in a way that any response, positive or negative, gives you a natural way to ask her out.
It's always good to accuse her of something or to suggest an activity she might like. Accusation could be "Oh my, do you go shopping every single day?" (she's defensive - "Phew, so let's meet tomorrow evening for something something", she plays along - "That's an addiction! Take Sunday off, I'm taking you for something something.").
"It was nice meeting you today. I hope you
succeeded in your hunt for the perfect coat.
"I was expecting a text around 3 am but it's nice you've
texted earlier. :) Unfortunately, I haven't found the coat
so I hope it starts getting warmer starting tomorrow. :)"
"I wouldn't count on it. But the weather is going
to be perfect for a cup of hot mulled wine
so you better find your coat."
"Great idea, I love mulled wine and I'll be warmer
in case I don't find a coat. :)"
"Mulled wine it is! Wednesday or Thursday?"
Because people are unpredictable, you won't always be able to invite her out in 3 or 4 messages. And you’ll definitely need more if you're using WhatsApp or Messenger. That's understandable.
More so, usually the invite is preceded by a statement or a question masked as statement (as in example above). So the model is SQSI.
But then, again, it will probably take you 5-7 texts before you can even suggest an activity. So most often it’s something in line of SQSSSQSSQSSQSI.
The complete description of the model would be: your texting should be a sequence of interweaved statements and questions (no more than 1 question or 3 statements in a row), designed in a way so you can "naturally" invite her in the end.
Asking her out should never be a surprise to her. It can't look totally out of the blue. The conversation should flow naturally towards your invite. However, do it as fast as you can and always think about "how she'll reply to my message and what can I do with it".
What you want to do is always aim at a natural invite one or two texts away.
[Initial text. Callback humor.]
[Capitalize on response - ask follow up
continue with your callback
humor – ask a question.]
[Statement, slightly changing the topic
towards question you want to ask.]
[Capitalization on your statement.]
[Calibrate on her last text and ask
seeding question or state a seeding fact.]
[Response to your pre-invite question or statement.]
Using London Daygame Model terms: first three texts of the SQI model are very similar to Vibing. Then your questions should seed the invite and then you can ask her out. Her answer to your pre-invite question or statement shouldn't matter if you calibrated it properly.
It should be as simple as that.
Remember your goal. If you can't think of a good question that will seed the invite do another statement-question pair. But never text her twice in a row or text her for more than 5-7 messages. You don't want to be her texting friend. You want to invite her out (and of course seduce her).
I strongly recommend inviting the girl out during the first text conversation but the same model can be used later. You just replace the initial text with a ping (text ping or better yet - a photo ping).
Also - don't be needy if she didn't respond. Leave it for 2-3 days and the reinitiate with a ping. Never, ever send her second text if she ignored you.
And don’t worry. There will always be some flakes, dead numbers and girls that go completely off radar. Bummer.
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2. Use Pings
Texting is overrated... as a seduction tool.
Got the number? You still need to somehow get the girl out. Most of your messages won't help you and they can even do a lot of harm if you can't text properly. The less texting, the better.
Don't be boring when you text. If you always take 3 minutes longer than her to answer it's going to get ridiculous. Sometimes reply immediately, sometimes don't reply at all. Texting rules aren't to be taken literally.
As I showed you with the SQI stack there is a simple model to your texting, culminating in asking the girl out. Sometimes it takes 4 messages, sometimes it takes 15.
But what if she's not available during that week? Or even worse - she stopped texting after you proposed that you two should go for a date?
The SQI stack opens with a text referencing the approach using callback humor. You can't do that in the next conversation. In fact, you should never reference previous texts.
At the same time, your initial text shouldn't ask for reply. It can't be something that pressures her to message you back. So both invite and questions are, well, out of question. That leaves us with statements and photos.
In the very essence a ping is something that you can mass-send to your friends not really expecting any of them to reply. If a girl you're texting with replies to a ping - she's at least a bit interested.
If you crashed your car, you'd probably send a picture to at least closest friends. Maybe even you would try to make fun of it. That would be a ping.
Ping is also any text that shows how awesome you are or how cool is your life. So if anything cool happened or you witnessed something amusing - you can share that with her. Example of that would be your overrated "I just saw a man being hit in the face by a pigeon!" text or a funny "That's it, I'm officially a badass. I'm drinking English Breakfast Tea in the afternoon."
Tip: if nothing cool happened today or yesterday, use any cool story from your past. She will never realize that you changed the dates as you're not making the story up and you know all the details. If this weekend you did nothing special but a week ago you were swimming in a lake in the middle of the forest, use that.
Your usual photo ping can be the picture of the beach captioned "my office for today". It can be a picture of twenty beers on a table with "just seeing a friend" as a comment. It can be a picture of a cute girl surrounded by sweets labeled "I just found your new profile photo!"
Text-only pings should be vivid, giving her a lot of potential topics to relate to. Don't write a whole paragraph but be somewhat descriptive, make her imagine things and make her want to reply. Being mysterious also works well as most girls are noisy enough to follow-up on "That's it. As of today I've broken my New Year's resolution."
If you want to learn more about pings, then head over to Nick Krauser's blog, the master of pings. All I learned about pings, I learned from him.
3. Think! What Response Were You Expecting?
That's the question when it comes to texting.
Every single text should have an agenda. It's either to initiate contact (usually a ping text), pivot the conversation to an invite (usually a question), invite (obvious), get her emotional, display high value (DHV), make her wet (sex talk) or make her confused (when you show your other side - like sending her a picture of you playing with a cute dog).
You want to achieve something with your texts. If that thing is "I hope she'll reply" then you're not employing any "texting game". You're just texting with no game at all.
That's not complicated. Just think what you expect her to reply. The most common mistake is not anticipating any response at all.
When you send her something in line of "We should totally do that thing", you might think you've just invited her. But unless she's a "yes" girl she probably won't even reply. Why would she? You're the man, you're supposed to be leading. Instead you're just hiding your dick.
Send her an explicit invite - "We should totally do that. Monday or Wednesday?" If you expect her to decline then get her emotional first "We should totally do that! I can already see you hurting yourself while doing whatever". The second one at least puts an image in her mind - of you two doing something together and her being terrible at it. She might want to comment on that.
It's painfully obvious when you see a message that you haven't put any thought into. You cringe. You see yourself not being direct enough or pushing too hard when there were no signs of interest. When a girl replies to you after a two days, you don't invite her with the very next text. You have to aim for the most likely response.
Go through your old texts and think of the first thing that comes to mind as a potential reply. What would a girl interested in you say? And how about girl that wasn't so keen?
You always have to calibrate for the level of investment. If it's high - go for the kill, initiate the conversation, pivot and invite. If it's low - work on raising the temperature. That means more pictures, DHV-ing and influencing her emotions.
Also - pay very close attention to texts that ended a conversation. What was it when she decided it's not worth repling to?
And while we're at it - how often you were the one to go silent?
4. Think Again! Do You Really Have To Answer That Text?
You are not obligated to reply to every single text she sends you. It's totally normal not to answer a text.
Even if you're not that busy, pretend to be (or better yet - get busy). If you think that's rude then you have much bigger problems than your text game. It's not that you have to be unavailable but you're probably far too eager. And that makes you less attractive. Men got things to do, life to live and girls to game.
If it takes you too long to think about answer - just leave it. Sending a text out of some sort of unwritten obligation is doing you a lot of harm. It won't be witty, funny and it won't serve any other purpose than to keep the conversation going.
When you struggle with your words but somehow manage to finally write a text then always review it using previous question - "what response do you expect?". If you can't tell - delete it and go on with your life. More often than not, she'll text you again.
Another very common problem with text game is what I call multithreading. The girl asks you two questions or she comments on your ping and asks a question. It's very natural for "good guys" to continue with all the threads of the conversation. They answer both questions. They response to the comment and reply to the question.
It's boring, supplicating, predictable. Follow only one thread. Ignore the other question. Use her long messages to change the subject by ignoring the one that isn't doing you any good or brining you closer to the invite. If anything, it will make her more interested in you.
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5. Were You Losing The Frame?
So you're that proverbial alpha guy who knows what he wants, goes for the kill (i.e. invite) and fifteen texts later you end up talking about dog breeds. Yup, you've lost your frame and now she's the one playing you.
Usually, it's a sign of weak interest (or lack thereof). Girls like to play games, sure, but sometimes it's much more sinister. There are times when it seems she's ignoring your questions and statements like she doesn't really need you in that conversation. She's bored, boring or uninterested. Sometimes you just can't communicate with those girls via text.
So don't. Invite them out as soon as possible, don't give them enough time to employ their silly strategies and make you look like a fool begging for attention. Being harsh, straight to the point and demanding can work with at least some of those girls.
That's also nice way to filter out those uninterested-but-available. Those girls are lukewarm and they sure as hell like to text a lot but they go silent every time you suggest a date or ask a question that's a little bit uncomfortable.
In such cases you should go radio silent or push her against the wall by calling out her ridiculous behavior. If that happened a lot she's probably a lost cause anyway and you'll regain some self-respect by not letting her play with you. And you'll get that much needed closure when she finally admits that she's seeing someone.
All in all it's hard to spot the frame snatch. It might seem she's asking an innocent question or expanding on your statement when in reality she's derailing the conversation. That's why it's crucial to have an agenda behind every single text. Thinking "I'll answer her question and then we'll get back to discussing the time and place of our date" isn't going to work.
If you suspect she's derailing the conversation - you know what to do. Don't answer her.
The Old Smileys Debate
It's impossible not to look back at your texting and touch the topic of smileys/emoticons. I get it. A lot of you are from US where apparently including a smiley face in a text message makes you a dribbling retard.
However in Central Europe you're going to look like a weird guy if you don't include an emoji every once in a while. And the further East you go the more you should use those. Don't even get me started on Ukrainian girls.
It is true that many guys mask their insecurities by adding smiles to their jokes so the girl won't get offended. Don't do that.
Use emojis to enhance your texts, to appear smug and even to annoy her. You can reply with just the emojis doing a little text-push - meaning you're too lazy to write anything so you just send her "thumbs up" and "that one with sunglasses".
Calibrate to the girl. If she never uses smileys - don't you dare! If she uses or abuses them - it's okay but make sure you're still far away from her level.
And when in doubt - review your text after writing and delete the smiley. Because at very best you're allowed only one per text. Preferably one or two per conversation.
If you like texting tips on that page then you'll absolutely love the only book that you'll ever need for your texting needs - The Ultimate Guide To Phone And Text Game. Check it out.