Everything you want to know about shit tests, right here on this page. Enjoy.
You’ve probably heard the term "shit test" before. The term is on its way to becoming a legitimate one in the area of psychology but it still is a long way until that happens.
Shit test is any action that is done to establish dominance ("steal your frame"), test compliance, provoke you into acting emotionally/defensive or a trap set up for you to embarrass yourself.
Remember when last time you were in a pub and your friends laughed at you that you won’t have fourth beer? They probably gave you a lot of shit like "what are you, gay?" or "if you didn’t suck so many dicks then maybe you’d have some space for another beer!”
You didn’t reply to those statements by being offended or logically explaining that you, in fact, are a heterosexual human being and you do not suck dicks. And even if you were, you wouldn’t swallow.
There are many strategies for passing a shit test but the underlying reasoning is always the same - don't make a fuss about it, don’t explain yourself and do not care.
First, let’s focus more on the mindset behind passing shit tests.
When you act emotionally or logically then you fail a shit test. When you stay indifferent and nonchalant you pass it. That's a gross oversimplification but it'll serve well for the purpose of this text.
The basic strategies for passing shit tests are: agree and amplify, disagree and amplify, pressure flip, ignoring it, changing the topic, gaslighting and going nuclear. But that’s for later.
Why would anyone try to make you fail such thing? We always test how far we can go, what we can get away with. We need to know the boundaries, so we know within what realm we can act. Most of us do it subconsciously as it's really just in our nature. Think about kids pushing the limits as far as they can until they get yelled upon.
There are some basic bitches out there that became self-aware enough that they employ shit-tests consciously as an actual filtering device. No sex and no relationship is worth subjecting yourself to such treatment.
More often than not, girls will throw shit tests at you to see if you're worthy of their time/attention/pussy. I really think that most are employed subconsciously. Girls fear that they’re going to end up with a subpar male or someone who is fake. She just wants to be sure that you are all the things you're claiming to be.
So you’ll be tested and put to the limits to reveal your true self.
"Fake it till you make it" is a valid strategy.
But beware - you'll be tested.
That's where one of my mantras fits perfectly. Don't make a fuss about anything. Really, anything.
Don't react emotionally, be like a rock. It's a very attractive quality and at the same time it will help you pass any shit tests that will be thrown your way.
When you allow yourself to be stoic then every shit test you'll encounter will be passed just because you didn't act emotionally and you didn’t explain yourself. Moreover, when you're a naturally funny guy then you'll employ (dis)agree and amplify or some other shit test strategy without even thinking about it.
Even if you're fed up with what she does, do not get angry. That’s the way to lose a shit test.
Calmly tell her that it's not what you expect of her. There is no advantage to yelling, fighting and cutting your furniture in half. When you realize that whatever happens will soon be a distant memory then you can't possibly be angry.
Of course your blood will be boiling at times but there is no upside to acting emotionally.
So don't do it. Ever.
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The biggest advantage of acting calm all the time is that any fights or quarrels will be finished before they even start. Girls follow and they like to be led. This in turn means that however you act, she will notice it and behave in the same way.
If you start to explain yourself then you're dead - she will investigate further, making you guilty in mere seconds. If you have an emotional reaction then you clearly don’t have your shit together.
Any damage control will be seen as a proof of you being guilty. And you can't really prove anything, so you're as good as dead.
So while there are many strategies of passing shit tests, they all have in common one thing - being non-reactive. If you’re calm and collected or funny and witty and it doesn’t look like you care then no one is going to assume there is any damage done to you.
Because if you're not making a big deal out of something, why would she?
There are quite a few ways you can pass a shit test: agree and amplify, disagree and amplify, pressure flip, ignoring it, changing the topic, gaslighting and going nuclear. That's not a full list.
You also have to remember that most of those strategies are not reactive and most of them are either funny or amusing.
Since always, comedians (and jesters) used humor to get away with saying what everyone thinks but no one wants to say out loud. In the same manner humor can help you get away with saying what you're really after in a way that is not going to scare her off.
But first, let's discuss the most common and most annoying shit tests out there.
One of the most common shit tests in your daygame adventures will be "I bet you approach girls all the time". If you start to explain yourself, you'll fail. If you act emotionally - you'll fail. Agree & amplify - "yes, every single day, I'm addicted". Disagree & amplify - "no, that was first time in my life".
There is no way to continue that subject after either amplification. No wonder that's the default strategy for passing shit tests.
Both emotional reaction and explaining yourself are in the category of "making a fuss about it".
Many shit test strategies are about ignoring her accusations and moving on. If she angrily asks you a question expecting you to subject yourself to a thorough examination and you just calmly answer with "yes, I did that thing" then the whole situation will get ridiculous if she tries to get angry.
During the approach she might ask a few innocent and sometimes even genuine questions about why you're talking to her or even what's going on. If she's never been hit on like that then you have to let her know what you're up to. But of course you can't say "I want to have sex with you."
You can always joke, ridicule and exaggerate. Use her suspicions as your fuel.
"Don't tell anyone, but I saw a really nice girl and I wanted to chat her up and see if she's cool." You can even be more direct. "Of course I want to talk to you, get your number, go on a date, sleep with you, then marry and have kids. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. My name is Tom." That would be agree & amplify, the bread and butter of passing a shit test.
If a girl genuinely asks "What do you want from me?" or "Why did you approached me?" then it means you aren't as direct as you should be. She has to know that you're picking her up. If that happens regularly then something is definitely wrong with your game.
Most girls will accept your answers if they made them laugh or smile. It's still nothing serious, you two just met, she's not going to go as far as to demand an honest answer for her random question. And if she does - that should a turn-off and a major red flag.
Funny gaslighting in that situation would be "Girl, you look at me like a piece of meat and now accuse me of picking you up? I too have feelings!". Ignoring it would be to continue with stacking.
"How many girls are you seeing?" and "Why don't you have a girlfriend?" are the most common shit tests that you can disarm by humor. "I've lost count, you need to ask my secretary", "I have one girl for each day of the week but Wednesdays are free!" Usually you can get away with lines like that. By now you should recognize it as agree and amplify.
Disagree and amplify would be "You're the first girl ever that I talked to. Look! My hands are still shaking!" A pressure flip in that situation would be "Wow, so you must think that every guy tries to hit on you. You probably never know whether someone likes you or just thinks you're hot, do you?"
If you're still in the early stages of pickup then both ignoring the issue and misdirecting ("You were saying something about your childhood BFF. I'm sure you're not even speaking to each other anymore") work great. There are no expectations after all.
However, later in the relationship and sometimes even as early as on the first date she will want answers. Maybe she's considering you a real option or maybe she's just insecure. But you can feel that avoiding answers using humor won't do. She'll insist.
You can still use humor as an excuse to be blatantly honest and pass the shit test. "Why did you approach me?" "If I have to be honest it was your legs. Then I saw the rest and thought you might be cool." There, you've introduced some sexual tension, was honest and got away with it.
Very good but ancient canned line is "Sorry, I wasn't listening. I was staring at your boobs/legs/ass." It works in the same manner. She'll laugh but some part of her will take it seriously - that you treat her like a sexual being. And that's what you want. Seed is planted.
According to my readers, two most common shit tests are: boyfriend objections and accusations of being a player. Variant of the latter was discussed above so you should know how to reply when she teases you with "Do you say that to all the girls?"
Possible responses include: "Yes" with a nice smirk, "Only to blonde ones" or an exaggarated "I'm hurt! It's the first time in my life I even talk to a girl!". When you amplify, exaggarate and ridicule it's very easy to pass every single shit test.
As for the boyfriend objections, it's more complicated. Before you approach her you get "approach anxiety". But when you do it's her who gets "being approached anxiety". Some of the girls might want to escape by using any excuse at hand. Telling you she has a boyfriend is a good strategy as many guys are discouraged. So you're free to ignore that "shit test" when it comes right at you at the start.
However, when she says she has a boyfriend later on when you take the number she's probably telling the truth. You can joke by saying outragous things like "but I already bought the ring!", "I hope he doesn't have a gun" or "don't worry, we won't go to the same date venues as you guys go". If she laughs but reaffirms her position - that's it, you won't get anywhere.
If she's considering upgrading to you or cheating, she doesn't want you to be witty. She wants to see that you were in this situation before and you're a safe choice. But that calls for a whole other text.
By now you should probably know what the most common strategies for passing shit tests are:
An example of going nuclear would be the following situation. If you have a girl on your bed for the third time and she still teases you and gives you blue balls then you might think enough is enough. what do you do? You throw her away while explaining that this not that type of relationship and you're not the guy who will wait and by the way - there are the doors.
I'm rather introverted but I have nothing against making other people laugh. I'm a positive person. I joke a lot, maybe more than I should in some serious situations but I always think that good laugh trumps any worry. As such if you're a sad fuck, then you'll have very hard time not reacting to shit tests as most of the strategies are humorous in nature.
There is this notion about "masculine men" being confident, stoic and always serious. I don't know where it comes from as even our beloved (and imaginary) James Bond joked, even if it was mainly for self-amusement. No one is going to think of you as a less of a man if you can make other people laugh. Just avoid self-deprecating humor and being a clown. And that's easy.
And if you ever have a hard time finding an answer to a shit test then think what would you reply to your best friend in a bar after three beers. The usual answer is (dis)agree and amplify.
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If there is infinite number of states for a given system and only one of those states is ordered then every random event will make the system deteriorate more and more into disorder. That's more or less entropy and it's also the tool that is going to help me explain why you're going to fail if you're given enough time.
There are no normal girls, every single one is damaged, toxic or insane in a way and to a point. Once you decide on the level of craziness that's acceptable for you, you can begin to have relationships. It doesn't matter whether it's going to be more serious or just a casual sex type of thing - you'll spend more time with a girl.
When you're spending more time with her then eventually you'll fall into disordered state - a fight, a shit test, her moods or issues. Usually there are one or two good ways to react. If we're thinking about shit test then all proper responses will be non-reactive. There are also infinite possible bad reactions. Give her enough time to test you and you'll eventually fail.
That's the same reason why you shouldn't text a girl if you've already set up a date with her. Nothing you'll say will make her want to see you more, you can only fuck it up. So don't. In such cases keep texting to minimum.
The goal is to maintain your frame at all times and be that hard rock, this non-reactive guy. I'm all in for stoicism and given my quite neurotic past I'm basically a Buddhist monk right now. I know what I am, I know what I want and people trying to get inside my head do not bother me.
But of course every now and then I slip. Especially if it's a girl, her issues start to creep and there was enough time for a buildup. Everyone slips, the questions is: are you going to throw a tantrum or you're just going to react emotionally but still in line with your past behavior (like a man would).
Girls need boundaries on bullshit and from time to time it is important that you show her that you're not going to put up with everything she throws at you. Be strict, be uncompromising and don't back off. Don't worry, it won't make her leave you (and if it does - it's only for the better). While you can say it's reacting emotionally - it's still better than getting sad or angry.
Just remember to hold the frame.
"Holding the frame" is as much about not reacting emotionally to her shit tests as it is about covering up your slip-ups. I don't mean "covering" as in "pretending that they never happened" or "explaining to her what you did and why". On the contrary - own your mistakes and accept them as something inevitable. You will make them so you need a strategy that includes holding your frame.
Whatever you did assume it was the best thing to do. "Yes, it could be done differently. I did it the way I thought it was the best." That's how you should think not only about your reactions to anything a girl throws at you but about anything you do in your life.
Never apologize unless you did something wrong on purpose or it was something as minor as bumping into someone. In the latter case I hope you have good manners and your "sorry" will be automatic.
But even when you did react to her behavior or you showed that you care (oh the shock and horror) she will try to somehow make sense out of your response. If that's an exception she will think about it as such. But if you start to react emotionally all the time she'll start to think differently about you. Maintain the frame, be coherent and you'll be fine.
Do not make fuss about shit-test and do not make a big deal out of your slip-ups.
Of course, it is better to not mistakes at all. But since we're all humans - good luck with that.
And watch for shit tests.