Here is everything you need to know regarding dating and your date plan.
Disclaimer: usual daygame lingo describes first date as "day two" and second date as "day three" and also avoids the word "date". Let's keep things simple. A first date is a first date.
To briefly discuss the first date, there are two basic dating models I'm aware of.
a) 1-Date Model
Ideally, you take a girl out to two venues and back to your place. This is a fast, adventurous model for a confident man knowing what he wants. Is that you? Cool.
First venue is just for the comfort and lover talk. You let her know that you like adventurous girls, you do some light kino and you both have a drink and discuss how you met and how exciting it is. Don't stay away from relationship and sex topics but do it within social limits.
If you followed London Daygame Model, you barely know each other. So on one hand, you don't want to scare her away but on the other you want to show her what are you about.
For example, she's going to ask why did you approach her. Don't tell her any bullshit about her clothes or her standing out but say directly - "if I have to be honest, it was your ass". That's direct enough for the first venue but well within social norms. If she's offended by that, cut the date short. It's not going to work out.
If it does work, then stay with her for 50-60 minutes, talk about pretty standard stuff while selling yourself as a lover, not as a provider of potential boyfriend. Then, take her to the second venue, which should be more intimate.
You should sit next to each other and discuss more what you like in each other. There is going to be light touch, escalating into brushing her hair or cheeks or holding her hand. While you have another drink, kiss her. Don't wait for the end of the date, that's lame.
If she kissed you back - it's on. If not - it's not over yet. Warn her that you're going to try again and do it. If she's playfully rejecting you, do it as many times as it's still playful. But if she says a hard "no" with a serious face, don't push it. It's not going to work.
Assuming it's on, keep her in the love bubble and take her home under any pretext (see below for how to bounceback). In your place, you have to let her feel relatively safe and comfortable and you move her to the bedroom and finally, to the bed.
b) 2-Date Model
Instead of rushing things, in a two-date model, you separate the two venues by a couple of days.
So on the first date you go to a coffee shop or on a short but fun date like feeding the ducks or watching the sunset. The key would be to keep it short, around 60 minutes and to leave her wanting more. If you can do that over coffee - great.
On the first date, you show your interest in her and at the same time show her that you're not "one of those guys" who will try to sleep with her right away. The range of topics is very similar to the first venue in 1-Date Model but probably there won't be that much kino.
Of course, flirt with her and let her know what you're about. She has to know if you want just to sleep with her or maybe become her boyfriend. Always start with "just sleeping with her". Like I say "sex first and then (maybe) a relationship".
She has to know what you're after and you have to be completely clear about it but because you're doing it across two dates, leave her wondering whether or not you like her. Qualify hard.
That means touch and kiss is for the second date which looks exactly like venue two in the model described above. So you can either do some cool place and bounce the girl home or you can meet at your place if you have a good pretext or she's that into you.
And that's it. Everything else is as described above (or below).
Again, easy, right?
Why should you be aiming for fast sex? Well, probably because that's what you want. And even if you don't, remember the mantra "sex first and then (maybe) a relationship". Before sex happens the girl has all the cards in her hand. Remember: she decides about sex but after that the man is in control - he decides where the relationship is going (if anywhere at all).
That means sometimes you'll push too hard and your date will take such an awful turn that you definitely won't be seeing each other again. There is nothing to be done then. Move on.
Sometimes everything will go according to your plan and that's great. But we have to be real.
Most dates go neither awful nor according to any model at all. This could be because of logistics, vibe and million other issues. The outcomes can be all over the place. What to do then?
So after you two meet you could be in one of four states:
1. No bounceback, no kiss close.
2. You kissed but nothing more happened.
3. You bounced her back to your place but there was no sex.
4. Date ended in you having sex, whatever the place.
I'm pretty sure we don't have to talk about the last one.
When there wasn't even a kiss best thing to do is to repeat the last date. So either meet up at your favorite place or a venue close to your home (but different than before!). Again, you should bounceback after first and only location and then kiss close/have sex at your place. If that doesn't work or you merely get the kiss (but no sex) that means the girl is not that into you (or you did something that put her off).
If that happens, it's your call. Either have a final date at your place (dinner/wine/movie/whatever) or a bridge date (meaning short 30-60 minutes coffee date in early afternoon) if you suspect comfort is the issue. If after that she still refuses to come to your place then it's the end. Next.
If you did get a kiss or managed to bounce her home but nothing serious happened (outcomes 2-3) then definitely set up the next date at your place. She knows what you're up to, she still can give you some resistance but it's the best thing to do. If she says that it's "too fast" or some crap like not knowing you enough then treat it like a shit test. She wants you to take control and not to crumble.
If at any moment you feel that you're pulling too hard then you should stop and think very carefully.
Sometimes it's hard to tell if the girl wants you to destroy all her doubts or if she really doesn't want to come. If you need to back off do exactly as when you don't get a kiss close. That is - meet in a place next to your home, get a drink and then bounceback.
Remember that you'll usually get only one chance to undress the girl (girls that were naked rarely come back if there was no sex) so if you pull the trigger it's best not to miss. That's why you see a lot of advice to get the girl home as fast as you can while she is still feeling adventurous and excited. You don't want her to think that you two are "dating". You are trying to sleep with her and the "dating" may or may not be the option later.
That's also why meeting again and again in all sorts of cool venues is not good for you. Those places are great for the first or second date but you don't want to entertain her endlessly.
So what to do after third inconclusive date?
The thing that usually works is a bridge date to provide her with more comfort. Alternatively, you can focus on getting more leads and work those hard and fast. It's easier to help a new girl make up her mind than to change the mind of an old lead.
But if I know my audience then you're probably asking, "what's a bridge date?"
No more than two e-mails per week. Why wouldn't you subscribe for free dating advice?
As I said, most dating models call for sex as fast as possible. Preferably on a first date (bounceback from second venue to your place, escalate, sex) or second (date at your place). Third date is a fall back if there is any sort of progress with the girl (you didn't kiss on the first date but on the second).
But if you're still "gaming" the girl after third date and you haven't even kissed, you are the one being screwed (investing a lot while getting nothing in return).
Dating girls without sex for a long time not only puts you in the boyfriend/orbiter box. If you don't even try to kiss her you can even get into the damned friendzone. But there's more. When sex happens fast, the relationship itself is usually so much better.
However, pushing for sex on every single date can raise suspicions - girl might think you just want to use her. Whether that's true is a whole different story. I always advise that you don't lie to girls and don't pretend that you two have a future if you just expect sex.
But imagine this scenario: you bounced her home on your first date and invited her for a dinner on second. You're growing on her but the question is: should you have yet another date at your place? Don't you think she's lacking either some dread and/or comfort?
Unfortunately it all depends on a girl. Some already know the "third date rule" and others, usually the younger ones, might at this point wonder what's this is all about and withdraw. Inviting them over and over to your place won't solve the problem.
Some might say - just next the girl! That's one way to do it. Or you can take the bridge date route.
The bridge date in that scenario will serve as a push as opposed to pulling her to your place. That push will be a very short (half an hour to an hour) coffee date, where you won't be hitting on her, suggesting going back to yours or escalating in any way besides kisses for hello and goodbye.
Definitely make some future projections and seed an activity back at your place but nothing other than that. It should be a little dull but of course you should tell her about other activities you're enjoying and the reason why you have only one hour. Make her feel like she's missing out. Make her wonder why the date was that short. Show her that she can lose you.
If played well, the bridge date should end in girl making up her mind. Either she'll fuck you next time or decide that you're not as attractive as she thought.
The other application of a bridge date is to fill the gap between getting her number and a proper date. She could be a busy girl who is quite eager to meet but you cannot find any evening free to both of you. Any of you might be about to travel, go to vacation or be otherwise occupied for longer period of time. When a lead is too hot to let it go cold, use a short bridge date to keep the interest high.
In that regard it will be like an instant date: one hour max, without any attempts at pushing things further (unless you'll learn in the process that logistic is perfect). Don't make it boring or entertaining - just extend the street stop to full hour. Lots of vibing, a little bit of rapport, few sexual spikes here and there so she knows you're a man.
As always in those situations - do some future projections, seed the next meet. It will be so much easier to go on a proper date later... or you'll never hear from her again. But that way you wasted only an hour, not a whole evening.
There is one word that has been used a lot on this page without proper definition. That word is bounceback.
Bounceback is taking a girl home from a date venue. It's something you should try to do every time you’re out with a girl. Why? Because if it works - you're there. If it doesn't - you clearly show the girl what you're after and if there is a second date, most of the girls will already show up with their mind made up about having sex.
Classic dating model suggest visiting two venues before trying to bounce back - first for comfort/attraction and second for attraction/seduction. In the second venue, you should be seeding the bounceback by telling the girl about the reason(s) to go to your place. Just mention one or two of those during a conversations so you can have an excuse later, when you go.
The actual reason doesn't matter. It can be a drink she absolutely has to try, an instrument you play, some pictures you have to show her or just that you are sitting outside and it's getting cold or loud.
She knows it's an excuse and don't try to convince her otherwise. You can even joke that if she gets drunk at your place you'll make her breakfast in the morning. She knows you're joking but at the same time, the possibility of her staying over gets inside her head. Inception?
Ideally, you already kissed her in the second venue, seeded the bounce and you can pull the trigger by saying "you know what - it's not that late, we're having a nice evening let's do [whatever you seeded]". Get up, exit the venue while still talking to her so she won't have time to think about any excuses, grab a cab (or order an Uber while you pay for the drinks), throw her inside and keep talking during the ride.
Do not negotiate, do not look back, just do it. I know the first time you'll be trying to pull it off, your heart will be racing but after few attempts you'll realize that if she's somewhat into you, she'll follow. If she doesn't - cheerfully end the date. Don't be bitter, she doesn't owe you anything.
If she asks where you are going be honest and tell her it's your place. It can be done when the adventure tone is set properly.
But what's even better is having dating venues near your place. If you can show her where you live from within the venue, you'll score major points. a) You made her come over to you, she'll probably curse you for that but she'll like it. b) In any case, it's just a short walk - no cabs, no problems.
Bouncing with an "I live over there, let's grab a bottle of wine and sit on the balcony" is ridiculously easy. Of course, you still can fuck things up back in your place but it's a great start. The difference in vibe between "let's take a cab to my place" and "let's go over there" is huge.
You really have to sell the cab ride while a 3 minutes’ walk is so natural that it's very hard to fuck up. That's the recurring theme - whether it's about conversation on the street, dating or just sex - when it feels natural it's easy. And yes, bounceback can feel natural.
The standard dating model calls for two venues short walk apart. That is great for comfort but it slows down the pace. On one hand it gives her the feeling of "we've been here and there" (instead of "we know each other only for few hours!") but also takes more time and the girl can tell that it's "too late today".
You can always try to meet at the venue near your place and then bounce her back home. See if it works for you. However, if you have a lot of cool places near your apartment - that would be the best solution. First venue doesn't matter but the second one should be next to your place. And you'll see how easy a bounceback is.
By the way, you'll be surprised how many girls who you think are not that into you will agree to come over to your place. Some are excited by the idea (that doesn't mean they will sleep with you that day), others just go with the flow (that also doesn't mean they will sleep with you that day).
When a girl you have just met comes to your place without any issues or doubts it is mostly because of one of two things: either she already decided she's going to sleep with you or she's dead set that she won't do in. If it's the latter, you can't really do anything about it. Don't push it too far and you'll get a second chance.
Usually, the girl will have some doubts. That's expected and you should welcome that as it means she hasn't decided yet. You have to remember that for most of the girls it won't be a common scenario so you absolutely have to show that it's normal for you.
Get her on a sofa or in the kitchen, pour her a drink or some wine, put on some music and talk. Of course be close physically, let the tension build up. Touch her and caress but you don't want to make out with her a lot as it only releases the sexual tension.
From now on, it's just a matter of push and pull. You distance yourself to make a drink or tea, then come closer and kiss her. You go to the bathroom, then give her any excuse to move to your bedroom and onto your bed (hint: don't have anything else to sit on in your bed, make sitting on a bed look natural). When you feel that she's aroused make her wet by touching and kissing her and then - pull the trigger.
That means either start to undress her or yourself. If she's into you, she'll be turned on if you show her that you're hard. If you undress her, do it quickly and proceed to sex before the adventure bubble bursts. You usually only get one chance and if things go too far and you miss - you'll never see her again.
And if you do, you can be sure she made up her mind. Congrats.
Previous paragraph ended with some happy times. That's the goal.
Backward planning is a way of making plans by starting at the end results and working your way back looking for steps most likely to lead you to that state. We all do it naturally when the end dictates the means. But more often than not, we try to plan many complex steps not accounting for all those things that can go wrong.
Imagine yourself going on a motorbike trip. First you need a destination so of course you would use backwards planning. With destination picked up you look for all the possible roads to get there. You pick one which is the fastest or twistiest depending on your liking. You'll decide when you want to arrive and research available accommodation. You need to consider how long you'll stay there and find out how long you'll be riding. Motorbikes have limited fuel and cargo capabilities. You adjust your luggage. Then you calculate the distance and plan all the required fuel stops. If it turns out the whole thing is too long for a one day cruise then you look for places to sleep.
Many things can go wrong. Roadblocks, accidents, weather can change, traffic could be too dense to achieve the expected speed, you can get tired faster than you've thought. But you have a plan that you can adjust. You also won't be totally surprised by nonexistent roads or sudden lack of gas stations. You never just hop on your bike and drive in the general direction of the place you want to visit just hoping to plan along the way.
Going out on a date without a plan and "hoping to get a lay" is as stupid as going for a walk hoping you'll arrive at some exciting place.
Despite all the good things that come from the backward planning we usually plan the other way. From the start. Doesn't that sound right? You start at place where you are right now and plan each step that brings you closer to your destination. But very much like when solving a badly constructed maze you might be going away from the exit not towards it.
What's even worse when you find yourself away from the ideal path and you'll still think just one step ahead you can lose a lot of time and energy. If you've been planning backward then any obstacles can be navigated using the same strategy. It's a subtle difference between "I have to go from A to B" and "I have to arrive at B". The latter makes you think outside the box.
Back to dating and your date plan.
Your end goal on the first date is to either prime the girl for second date at your place or bounceback home and sleep with her. Most of the time you won't be able to tell whether you can pull off a first date lay or not. Hence in the beginning you'll need to juggle two conflicting ideas. However, sometimes it's so obvious that the girl is into you that you'll just plan for the lay.
So we have our goal - you and the girl having sex at your bed. For that to happen you have to get her into your bedroom and before that - into your home. That assumes she's into you, she's excited and not afraid of you. That also means she's okay with fast sex and is generally open for adventures. So few drinks and making her imagination running on sixth gear wouldn't hurt.
For all that to happen you have to spend some time when you put her into sexual and adventurous state. You also need to find out whether she's open to that. That in turn cannot happen right away. At first she needs to feel comfortable around you to even hint at her desires, so we probably need another venue before the one where we amp up the seduction. And now we have the classic plan "attraction > comfort > seduction".
There are lot of factors when bouncing a girl back home. Most important are: your confidence in making the move, the adventurous vibe and distance from the venue to your place (logistic).
Planning one step ahead isn't going to get you to the end. You're dealing with a volatile being - a girl.
And when something won't go according to plan (because it won't) you cannot be thinking in terms of just here and now. The question isn't "how to make her drink when she refuses to do so and in my plan there are two drinks". It's "I wanted her to feel relaxed and adventurous by having few drinks, she only had one, how can I achieve the same result without alcohol?". Maybe have a snowball fight with her, visit an exciting area of your city or go to a karaoke bar. But think in terms of the "next result", not the "next step". The state, not the means leading to it.
The whole date will look differently if you know that the goal is to only get her on second date. You might want to do that when there is no chance for a fast lay (e.g. bad logistic, she's meeting her sister after the date or she needs to catch the last train home). Now the end goal is "she's excited to meet me at my place".
Obviously there is going to be a lot of future projecting, discussing things you two can do together, telling stories. You'll DHV hoping for her to react eager to a particular activity. You will also cut the date short to leave her wanting more and you won't overdo the escalation.
Sounds really simple but I'm still astounded by the amount of guys that "just go for the date" without any sort of plan. And then they try to somehow get her to the next step by complicating everything.
It's far too easy to think of a date as a series of steps. When you switch to the idea that a date is a series of states you'll find yourself thinking more about "how I can make her feel like that" than "how I'm going to pull off that move".
It's just a matter of looking at everything from another direction. And it also makes you focused on the goal. You're not doing anything without an agenda behind it thus bringing you closer and closer to where you want to be.
I can clearly see that you're passionate about dating and creating a bulletproof date plan. Hop on the list!