How To Stop A Girl From Doing THAT?
It was a long time without a clickbait title, so there you have it. I don’t have a specific “THAT” in mind but it certainly looks better than “How To Stop A Girl from Doing X, Whatever X Might Be”.
You’re Doing It Wrong
The sheer number of complains you hear about guy’s spouses and girlfriends is astonishing. I get it that some people change after few years in a poorly managed relationship. But forums everywhere are full of clueless guys asking how to deal with a certain behavior of their “serious girlfriends” of one or two weeks.
If you’re “together” for few weeks and she is already doing something you don’t like then you can only blame yourself, mate. You’ve picked her up, you’ve seduced her and even if ultimately she chose you from all her suitors, then you’ve put yourself in the position to be chosen.
A glimpse of that thought already appeared in my post about bitches. There are guys out there who are gaming drunken sluts in the clubs and complaining that all women are bitchy sluts. The solution is fairly obvious – pay more attention to who you’re dealing with and if you don’t like them – don’t date them!
Changing Your Partner
I might only suspect what is the reason for the number of people that want to change who their life partner is. “Change” as in “transform”, not “replace”. We all use to say that girls want to date bad boys and then civilize them into someone they’re no longer attracted to. But some guys are even worse.
If you settled for the first or second girl you’ve dated there is a high chance you’ve put your life in the hands of fortune. Do you feel lucky?
If you don’t have experience and you don’t think you can get anyone better then you’ll settle with “good enough”. Which means you really don’t know what you’re getting into, you don’t know what pissess you off and what you can live with. Moreover, you don’t even know what’s possible – you didn’t experience a lot.
In time, you’ll start to realize what’s nice and what’s nasty. You’ll want to have less of those nasty things and more of those nice. And that’s where you’ll hit two problems at once: a) it is ridiculous to ban what was already allowed b) you’re starting to think about changing the other person.
It’s Already Too Late
Choosing a partner shouldn’t be done with the aim of changing her or “figuring it out later”. That’s what the dating is for. Then you’re getting to know each other and learn your quirks. If you can’t see her as your serious girlfriend then you should stay on the casual side of relationship spectrum.
Very often you’ll encounter girls who are cool but they also have one or two deal-breakers. You have to know what’s an issue for you, what is a deal-breaker and what’s a mere nuance. While you can live with nuances, you have to think whether you can tolerate issues. And there are no workarounds for the major disparities.
You won’t change her. If she’s already “like THAT” or “doing THAT” – that’s who she is. And the only solution is to never get serious with her or stop seeing her if you’re already getting infatuated. The question is not “what can I do to change her” but rather “why do I want to be with such incompatible girl?” The answer is “you won’t but probably you have no other options”.
On the other hand, if your girl is compatible with you and you share a few commonalities then you should also understand each other pretty well. Still, having unspoken rules is a mistake. You can’t be sure if both of you see them the same way. And bear in mind that everything you agree to will be retroactively made into a rule as well.
There Is No Going Back
There is no backing off or going back. Everything you agree to will set up a precedence that will be used ruthlessly. “One time things” are just tests that probe what is still acceptable. And you have to set those boundaries somewhere.
Once they’re set, they will be challenged just to see if you’re serious. If you won’t back off, they’ll grow stronger. If you relax those boundaries for no good reason, and there are almost no good reasons, then they’ll be treated as nonexistent at worse and temporary at best.
Tightening the boundaries is almost impossible. It’s way easier to deny something forever than to take it back after even one time. There are of course some ways to do that, just like there are probably many ways to get out of a serious addiction.
But the best advice is still – do not get addicted. Similarly – do not relax the rules of your relationship so that you’d want to tighten them back. Best case scenario, it is going to be a tough battle.