Be Honest (With Yourself)!
I’m always surprised when within a Twitter argument someone shows up with rational approach and valid arguments. This time it all started with Rivelino‘s poll that included Samuel Hersh‘s quote “If you’re interested in getting married, be ruthlessly honest about your motivations while dating”.
Dangers Of Honesty
Sam already explained that in his original thread he meant being honest with yourself, not pouring your heart out on every single first date so that the girl will know what she’s getting into. As such, Riv’s question is biased but we all realized that quite fast.
No one advises anyone to tell the girl everything about you (or even your motivations) as it kills the mystery, which in turns kills the attraction. Not to mention that you’re going to scare most of girls if you even hint that you’re looking for something serious, especially on the first date.
More than that, you cannot be completely honest about everything that happened in your life with anyone. There are things that are going to stay private.
I cannot find the clip of Jordan B. Peterson saying that telling someone everything about you in a totally honest way is going to scare every single person off. Rightfully so.
People are monsters, everyone has done something in the past that he already got over and maybe even forgot. So if it’s forgotten or, as JBP would say, if that dragon is slayed there is no point in making a big deal out of it or explaining it.
I’m not saying you should lie. This is even bigger slippery-slope. But I’m completely 100% sure that you don’t want to know every single detail about any other person’s life and also you don’t want them to know everything about you.
We change, we make mistakes, we better ourselves. What’s now counts.
Being Honest With Yourself
Lying to others is awful, it will backfire and I don’t recommend it. At the same time, lying to yourself is even worse. So while I do recommend being honest in a smart way while interacting with others, when it comes to your inner dialogue be ruthlessly sincere and give yourself full disclosure.
As to the initial issue – if you are looking for your future wife then be honest with yourself about it. But it’s not like seeing other girls casually is going to derail you from that goal, as long as you’re still meeting other girls.
Of course, if you only are seeing girls who are far from marriage material and you’re not meeting anyone else then you’re simply not being honest with yourself. If you want to “just have fun” – that’s fine but you have to admit it. Not to someone else but to yourself.
I already said it and I’ll repeat it: lying to yourself is worse than lying to others and both should be avoided.
Trustworthiness Is Valuable
While we’re at the masculine traits – honesty is desirable. It makes you trustworthy and reliable. Those are attractive qualities. Your ability to keep your word and actually deliver on your promises is even more charming.
But do not mistake being honest for pouring your heart out and telling everything about everything. That’s not what anyone would like. It’s enough that you don’t lie and disclose things that matter and those that could potentially backfire.
Be honest but don’t do it aggressively. As long as those dragons are slayed there is no need to mention them. If they are not – deal with them immediately. They won’t lurk forever.