The Significance Of Intent
Apparently topic of paying on dates is controversial, especially on my Polish blog. That shows that I should’ve written about something more fundamental – the intent.
Why You Do It?
Your intent is sometimes very obvious – you’re talking to that hot girl because you find her attractive and you have the balls to approach. You’re taking her number because you want take her out and eventually end up in bed with her. Some things are simple.
Others are complicated. Why are you paying for the girl on the date? Maybe you’re afraid that if you don’t do that then she’ll perceive you as a less of a man (true for Eastern Europe), a cheapskate (depends on how you play it) or a poor bastard? What’s the true reason?
If you do it to impress the girls you’re essentially playing yourself as she’ll want to be impressed more and more. If you’re afraid that she won’t otherwise date you then you’re a dumbass because you’re saying that you have nothing else to offer than your money. That’s a really bad strategy.
If, however, you’re taking a girl to an expensive place because you like that particular venue and you don’t make a big deal out of paying as if she’s welcome for the ride then she won’t probably think you’re trying to impress her with overpriced drinks. And you should never try to do that.
We all know good old “fake it till you make it” mantra. We also known that you’ll be tested mercilessly as girls are aware that there is a large number of guys out there who are faking it but they still haven’t made it yet. Women want to weed those guys out and make sure that you are who you appear to be.
Faking intent is almost impossible. You can fake actions, words that come out of your mouth but it’s very hard and pointless struggle to fake the reason why you’re doing what you’re doing. It oozes through your every action. She’ll immediately see that’s something fishy and that you appear incongruent.
“Women fake orgasms, men can fake a whole relationship.”
The simplest example is talking too fast during the approach. If you’re doing it because you’re excited and you naturally speak fast you’ll appear as such. It’s still not good to be overenthusiastic about talking to a girl (which should be normal for you) but it’s not as bad as other reasons.
If you talk fast because you’re afraid that she’ll go away in the first moment of silence she’ll recognize that and perceive you as lower value. Of course, it’s better to speak slower and embrace pauses but that fear of losing the girl will manifest itself in other ways. You have to eventually “make it”.
Invitation Or Bribery?
I already wrote about the package. To recap: it’s the reason why girls stay with you as opposed to just have sex and leave. It is how you behave and act, your lifestyle and your way of life. Your ability to show that you have your shit together and that you deliver on the promises you make.
If you’re inviting a girl to your world and she takes part in your life and your journey – she can (and should) feel special. She has an opportunity that she might take but she doesn’t have to. There are a lot of other reasons why she’s seeing you. Very often that reason will be sex but the list doesn’t end there.
If your lifestyle, gifts and other incentives are the sole reason why she’s hanging out with you then you’re essential buying her time. Think about it: would she still see you if all those things were gone? If the answer is no then you’ve not invited a compatible girl to join you in your life but you’ve bribed her to fake interest.
Do not use money or lifestyle as an excuse to lousy game. Unless of course you’re fine with the type of girls who will you attract that way.