Is Indifference An Effective Strategy?

A dreamy blonde girl.

This is a question from anonymous reader: “many people say that indifference towards girls is a good strategy as it shows that you’re not desperate or needy; on the other hand other people say that acting decisively and being direct is much more effective in the end; how to combine those two?”

Very good question indeed.


Outcome Independence

Believe it or not but glorified outcome independence can actually hurt your results. And I don’t only mean guys who are scared of success and stop halfway because they’re “outcome independendt”.

If you’re indifferent and she’s not yet attracted she simply won’t care. It’s just like screaming “I don’t want to work here anyway!” at the building of the company that didn’t hire you. Boo-fucking-hoo.

When a girl flakes, some guys reply with “I was just about to text you that something came up and I wouldn’t make it either way”. Way beyond pathetic.

On the other hand outcome independence is a big part of the required mindset which allows you to seduce a lot of hot girls. You don’t care about the result as you’re just focused on the process. You simply know that with certain amount of work, you’ll eventually get what you want.

It does sound vaguely familiar, doesn’t it?


Persistence And Desperation

There is a big difference between “I want that” and “I need that”. I already covered it in depth when I wrote about persistence and desperation.

You can be persistent and desperate or just desperate or just persistent or nothing of the above. It’s not like they’re tightly coupled except for maybe the fact that a lot of desperate guys are ridiculously persistent as well. That’s also the reason why women are soft rejecting them (not answering texts, flakes) – girls are scared of obtrusive guys.

“Everything in moderation, including moderation.” – Oscar Wilde

In the same manner I’d say being indifferent and acting decisively/being direct are unrelated categories. Even though by being too direct too often you might appear as needy and you won’t be seen as indifferent.

A dreamy blonde girl.

“So, you’re saying you don’t want to sleep with me?”


Indifference Is A Mindset

To be precise indifference is the non-reactive part of your mindset. Whatever happened – happened. You’ve got rejected? She flaked? You didn’t get the number? She didn’t even stop for you? Fuck that.

As soon as you start to make a big deal out of something – it becomes a big deal. It’s the basic rule of handling a shit test. So indifference is a good default response as it shows that you simply don’t care. But it’ll only make her more attracted if she was already interested.

It’s not something with what you can make her attracted in the first place. The purpose of this mindset is to make you more attractive in general and more self-assured. You gain more self-respect when you realize that her behavior no longer bothers you. That you’re not desperate or needy anymore.


Decisiveness Is Taking Action

Without taking action and actually going for what you want you’ll never achieve it. It’s as simple as that. So of course acting isn’t innately making you desperate and needy. You only need to keep thinking “I want” rather than “I need”.

Take massive amounts of action.

Even if you are needy, for whatever reason in might be, just by taking action you’ll have more success than by being aloof. Be open about your intentions, be direct, be sexual, escalate, lead towards sex. When asked – admit it, she’ll be more interested in actual sex than vague romance.

Yes, bold moves and being direct will bring you success. And when they don’t – just be indifferent.


Male-female relationships commentator. Also a traveler, adrenaline junkie and, believe it or not, introvert. Still obsessed with working out, coaching daygame and living life to the full.

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