How To Avoid Serious Relationships
Many guys that are trying to pick up girls are deliberately avoiding serious relationships. Others might be interested in how to get into one. Those are just two sides of one coin, aren’t they?
Definition Of A Serious Relationship
Let’s get this one straight right away – we’re not talking about oneitis and its consequences. You have to have a choice and better yet – abundance. Otherwise, you’re not deciding about anything, you’re just stuck with what you’ve got.
Since we’re doing definitions then let’s settle on what a serious relationship is. I’m not going to describe 11 different models of alpha relationships (I leave that to Blackdragon) nor I’m going to suggest what could be ideal for you. I’m just going to describe the border between “casual” and “serious”.
In my opinion “casual” relationships are all about sex and even if you do other things (go on dates, watch movies or cook dinner) then you’re always fucking and this is the main reason why you two are seeing each other. On the other hand “serious” relationship is when there are things you do together that don’t end in a sexual encounter.
I used to say (and I stand by it) that once you’re sleeping with a girl and you see each other and don’t have sex on that occasion – you’re in a serious relationship. Yes, one sexless date is enough as after that it’s clear for both of you that you’re not “only about sex”.
The rest of this post assumes that so far you’re in a sexual and casual relationship. So if you haven’t slept with her yet then go and read why it’s “sex first and then (maybe) a relationship“.
Keep It About Sex
The biggest piece of advice is already out there – keep it about sex. It is number one rule that keeps you in control. If you’re always having sex then there is no way she can think “it’s not just about the sex”. Well, she can but even she will know it’s bullshit.
When I say “always”, I mean it. Do not meet with her if she’s on her period, do not ever see her over a lunch if there is no way you could end up shagging somewhere. Do not agree to go and see a movie with her unless you decide upfront where you’re going to end up having sex.
You can of course do other things together but there should not be even a single sexless date. That’s as strong message as it gets and there is no move more powerful.
Avoid Dating Frequently
The other thing you want to avoid if you want to keep the whole thing casual is the high frequency of your hookups and – to a certain extent – texts. If you’re seeing her at most every 7-10 days and never meet her twice in one week then you’re on the safe side. She might nag you about it but just treat it as any other shit test.
Some men say that letting her stay for the night is a big no-no. I wouldn’t be so strict about it as it all depends on how you frame it. If you’re having sex in the morning (and do nothing else) I’d say the message is clear. But if you like to cuddle and you’re going to make her a breakfast then better kick her out at 2 am to avoid temptation. That will definitely help if you don’t want her to become your girlfriend.
Never Travel With Her
My friend sharkk said that only when you travel with a girl you’re going to experience all of her moods and realize if you two are compatible. Being with each other 24 hours per day for many days is something that’s definitely going to help you make up your mind about her.
Another friend of mine was recently very troubled about a girl. Not in a bad way, he just wasn’t sure if she’s a right girl to have more serious relationship with. I told him to take her out for a weekend to another city. He came back and quite happily said that he figured it out and that she’s not what he’s looking for.
While my friend’s experience was a negative verification, spending that much time together can result in one of you (or both) making up their mind about the relationship. In a happy scenario, you both will think the same thing but since you’re trying to avoid anything serious don’t give yourself a chance to fall for her.
Of course, worst-case scenario is that after such trip you will want something more while she will never want to see you again.
What If You Do Want Something Serious?
If you do want something more serious that just break all the rules above. Not in a stupid way, do not text her every day and please do not text her “good night” and “good morning” every single day like a moron. You still have to be a little bit of a challenge to her. And if she’s smart, she’ll be a bit of a (playful) challenge to you.
You can kill any relationship – casual or serious – by being too available. Or clingy. Or obtrusive. It’s just repulsive.
See each other more frequently. Do things that show her it’s not only about the sex. See her without sleeping with her (which can be hard if you two are crazy about each other). Definitely travel with her or at least spend few days together to see if you can handle both the ups and downs.
Never start serious talk first and do not show her that you want something more. Simply start acting like you two are together in something more serious and wait for her to start “the talk” with you. It should be obvious that you both want the same thing and that you’re “already there” and she just need to hear it.
That’s the easy part. What’s coming next is what’s going to be really hard.