Who Should Pay On The First Date?
This is a non-topic. And yet somehow it is. Who should pay on the first date? Oh come on, not this again…
Are You Going To Pay For The Date?
Let’s face it – you invited her, not the other way round. She wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for you – you approached her and asked her out. If someone is trying to pitch an idea to me and he asks me to meet on a lunch or coffee I expect him to pay for it. In the same manner when I invite someone to talk about something important to me – I’ll cover the wild expenses of a coffee or couple of beers.
“It’s not alpha! True alpha has his women paying for everything and never spends a dime on girls!” Oh, shut up.
That being said I usually use the line “whoever is late gets the first round” when girl tells me she might be late. It’s crazy effective and also gives you a reason to change venue – you only have to say that now it’s your turn to buy her a drink.
In the same manner, if you really want to, you can say something in line of “I’ll cover that round” when there is time to pay in the first venue or even you can ask her to split. In the second venue I usually don’t mention anything about the bill and when we’re leaving I don’t make any moves suggesting that I’m willing to pay (and if the bartender asks who’s going to pay I’m going to look at her). If she gets her wallet – great. If not – I’ll pay anyway, there is no point in making a deal out of a drink or two.
That Poor Girl
Some guys have issues with paying for girls simply because they cannot afford it. “Few drinks times few dates per week times…” Come on! If you cannot afford it – get a job! If your job sucks – get a better one! Maybe going with her to a park to feed ducks is a good idea for some guys but I’ve never been one of them.
I have never been fan of “going for walks” on the first date as it’s not I particularly enjoy and I believe it is more difficult to get a good connection as you aren’t even looking each other in the eyes for most of the time. Besides – I like a good drink or a good beer. Why would I ever lower my standards because of the girl?
If I like to do certain things (e.g. I have my favorite, not-that-cheap drink bar) then I invite girls there because it’s what I do and it’s where I feel good. I’m not offering her something expensive in a futile attempt to make myself attractive. I’m not paying for her time and I’m not bragging. Usually she won’t even know the place before we get there.
And when you happen to date a poor student or a girl who you know is struggling financially it’s just stupid to expect her to pay for expensive drinks in a place where you’ve brought her. She would’ve never picked this bar herself! Don’t brag, don’t make a big deal out of you paying, don’t try to feel better just because you have money and she doesn’t.
If there is large disparity in wealth between you and the girl then you have to scale everything accordingly. If you want to take her ice-skating, she can pay for the snacks. You’re cooking a fancy dinner, let her bring wine (it’s probably going to be a cheap one). You don’t want to make her feel bad about not having money but at the same time don’t rob her of the joy of contributing to your meetings.
Welcome To Ukraine
The further east you go the more you’ll be expected to pay. Let me rephrase that: you’ll be paying more often, not necessarily more in terms of actual money. Even in Poland it’s common that a girl will want to split the small coffee bill but you can forget about it when you go East. It’s not like she’s going to even think about it.
I believe it’s due to their culture and their customs. Men were always guys with money, providers and caretakers. Women were beautiful, lovers, mothers, etc. If you’re looking for a traditional country which is very male-female polarized then you have to welcome both very feminine women in high heels and dresses as well as inherent treatment of men as those who take care of said females.
Once in Kiev I suspected that I might’ve been fooled by a golddigger because I paid for everything on a couple of dates. But then I realized it’s just the way the things are as on the next occasion she took me for a trip in her Lexus SUV and paid for the admission tickets. I’m still sure the thought of splitting bills on the dates didn’t even cross her mind once.
I’m not saying you can’t stumble upon occasional westernized girl who will offer to pay her share. But more often than not it will also mean that she’s not that into you and doesn’t want to owe you anything. Most the girls and women there expect you to pay. Not because they want to scam you but because they simply don’t get the idea that a guy won’t pay. If you try to force it she’ll probably think of you as a less of a man.
Oh, and my friend actually had some experiences with real golddiggers. Believe me – it’s obvious, especially when she wants you to order her a cab or she tries to go to the most expensive restaurant in the city.
Back To The Western World
I have little experience in dating in the West (why would I?!) so you might look at those matters differently. I heard that especially in the US it would be foolish to pay for the girls and I think you’d be making the same mistake by trying to split the bill in Ukraine or Russia.
You should learn the customs in the country you’re picking up girls. As for the Central Europe – be prepared to pay at least for the first round and then you can suggest she should pay or split the next. Do this without looking weak or cheap.
If you want to spend more make sure a) you can afford it b) you’re not using money as a crutch for your weak game. While there will be some girls who will sleep with you for your money (they’re called prostitutes) most of women, when they notice your weak game and eager spending habits, will just use you as an ATM.