Persistence vs. Desperation
I’m cleaning up my Twitter account so a lot of tweets are going to trash. I’m lucky enough that I’ve stumbled upon this bit. It’s a very good question from a reader: “What is the difference between persistence and desperation?”
We all know desperate people. “I’d do everything for her”, “I need to find a way to get her” or even “I need a girl in my life” are the usual symptoms of desperation. Even if it’s more subtle usually it means sacrificing oneself to get something or someone. Why would anyone do such thing?!
I don’t have to write that desperation is pathetic, do I?
One might say that desperation comes from scarcity. If you don’t have enough of something (sex, affection, money, etc.) you might do various things just to get it. You’ll be doing things that are not keeping with your character, effectively changing yourself for worse.
But scarcity mindset is only the symptom of underlying belief – that you need something. Obviously if you need something you’ll do anything to get it. Take oxygen for example – you definitely need it to live and you’ll fight till the very end to get another breath. But do you really need things you’re often so desperate for?
Let’s get the feeling of breathlessness out of our minds and move over to persistence. Since always I was both persistent and dedicated. Hence I could continue what I started even though things weren’t going pretty well. You can see that even in my early field reports here on this blog.
I probably have to write that persistence can be either seen as attractive or pathetic. It depends whether the girl is already somewhat attracted or not.
Persistence is the matter of going relentlessly after something you want. It doesn’t come from scarcity or abundance. It’s simple a desire, “drive” as some would say. And it shouldn’t be easily mistaken for desperation.
Once again, it is the matter of your internal belief. This time you simply want something. That doesn’t sound bad. I want a different motorbike but at the same time I don’t really think it would change my life that much so I don’t pursue that desire. There are other things that I want and I think are more important. But I don’t need any them and I can live without them.
It’s The Mindset, Again
The answer to “what is the difference between persistence and desperation” boils down to the the underlying mindset. It isn’t something that you can fake and even if you manage to do just that then the façade will crumble sooner than later, leaving the girl with buyer’s remorse.
If you need something then you absolutely have to have it. If you merely want it then that can manifest itself in a whole spectrum of emotions – from interest (I wouldn’t say no to a Tesla but I’ll never buy one) through rational planning (I’ll buy that bike in the next two years) to desire (I want my side business to succeed so I’ll work on it relentlessly).
There is no “need” in any of those feelings even if it’s a desire or craving. Persistence is a matter of pursuing something that will make your life better whereas things you desperately need will make your life worse if you won’t get them (or so you naively think).
Going back to the topic of girls – if you want to go on adventures with someone or you desire busier sex life or you’d like to try something new – you’re good. If you start to think “unless I get…” then you’re already desperate. There is no necessity when it comes to romance.
How to get rid of that desperate neediness? By focusing on yourself. By doing everything you can to live an awesome life, to improve yourself and to be happy when you look at yourself in the mirror. You actually have to stop needing other people to make you happy.
And when it comes to girls going through a period of abundance when you sleep with a lot of women and don’t care whether or not you’ll get another one can teach you the right attitude. If you can capture that and internalize it then you can move on to being persistent. Because now they’ll know that you’re doing this because you want and not because you have to. And under right circumstances it can be sexy as hell.