Spontaneity – How Not To Miss Out
I’m daygaming long enough that I know further improvements will be results of revolutions, not evolutions. I’m already below 40 approaches per lay, my lifestyle fits me perfectly, I cannot really complain. Although I will.
How Are You Missing Out?
The big eye-opener during my latest adventures was the ease with which I could make things happen when I had nothing planned. Most of my evenings in Warsaw are packed. I always have something to do, meetings, dates, workouts, work or even such mundane things as shopping or cooking. These are all scheduled. And that means I cannot just abandon what I planned to do just because something more interesting came along.
In everything you do in your life it is the most difficult to balance things. We think in extremes – plan every hour of your day or plan none. There should be a sweet spot somewhere in the middle. Right?
My last Kiev trip wasn’t planned. My whole stay in Zagreb was as spontaneous as it can get. I knew I had some work to do (and it was more that I was capable of doing anyway) so the goal was to do enough so I won’t feel guilty about slacking off and then welcome every opportunity to do something else.
I met some people, I slept with a 19 years old Croatian girl, I went to a disappointing club, I did what seemed best at every moment of that trip and overall spent a great week. That got me thinking about lost opportunities.
Window Of Opportunity
Seduction-wise the window of opportunity is usually about sex. For some girls there is a brief period when she accepts the notion of sex and once that window closes you’ll never get anything from her. That happens essentially when she seriously thinks “no” for the first time. There is no going back from that.
The other window of opportunity is what I witnessed few times in my recent travels. There are eager girls passing by when you’re late to the gym, approaches that turn surprisingly well* and even social situations that beg for follow-up and if you’re unable to do anything more then you lost your chance forever. Sometimes it will be because you’ll never meet her again and sometimes because someone else will go for it.
When I think about more successful daygamers it seems like the craziest stories are usually the result of letting yourself go and putting all eggs in one basket. Mind you, those are the craziest stories, exceptions, not your staple.
Of course, the story of my lay in Zagreb is a perfect example of the brutal window of opportunity dynamic. I wouldn’t be able to sleep with that girl if I couldn’t act then and there. You don’t get that type of adventure with the old funnel model where you collect numbers, set up dates and only then date.
Back when I was regularly playing question game on my dates I used to ask “Do you have to plan everything or are you a spontaneous girl?”. That was of course the cue to kiss the girl on either the pretext to work on her spontaneity or assuming she essentially said “go for it”. Girls liked that. It pays off to be spontaneous.
No matter whether you’re conscientious or careless, becoming spontaneous will help with both your game… and your life. I’m a planner. My friends sometimes joke that I’m a robot**. I have a weekly To-Do list and every single evening I’m making another one for the upcoming day. And I’m telling you that you’re missing out a lot if you have super tight schedule for every single hour of your week.
There will be plenty of situations where you will think “if only I had this evening off”. Make it so. But if you decide to go for the adventure then have means of making up for that time later. Because if you’ll only choose adventures, you’ll ultimately end up nowhere. Conversely – not going on those adventures will hurt you just about the same. Regret is a bitch.
* Only now I realize how many interactions I had in Warsaw could develop into a same day lay. Oh well, lesson learned.
** Are they joking?