How To Make Her Interested Again?
This post is created for one purpose – so I can copy and paste replies to many guys who write to me with their problems. Recently the most popular issue is “she’s not interested in me anymore.” Granted, it’s something that happens more on the Polish side of the mirror but many of you contact me as well. By the way, I always reply, even if it takes time.
If She Doesn’t Fancy You Anymore, You Have A Problem
The most common scenario starts with lack of interest from the girl. Then she starts to avoid sex, then she whines and complains and finally you fight and your relationship is hanging on the edge. Guys who are strangers to the red pill are shocked while those seasoned can’t help but yawn.
It doesn’t get much simpler as this: if your partner does not fancy you, she doesn’t want to have sex with you and/or spent time with you, it means you are not attractive to her. Period. If you would be attractive then she would want to jump you and be with you. Maybe you’ve let yourself go physically, maybe you’re too available, maybe you’re too agreeable and can’t stand for yourself or maybe you and your life became boring.
If she’s still with you despite the fact that she does not find you attractive then maybe you’re just the provider who pays for everything. If you like that position (say what?!) then feel free. She’ll look for emotions elsewhere as described in Primal Seduction vs. Calculated Courtship.
If she starts to complain and overtly criticize you and she’s admitting that she doesn’t want to have sex with you, can’t stand you or “needs a break” or that “she doesn’t know where this is going” then your situation is grave. It’s the last step as women treat talking about their problems as the last resort. That means she tried to signal her issues to you for a very long time but you’ve been blind.
That stage in most cases means that she has someone else in mind or – sometimes – that she’s already sleeping with him. Occasionally you’re just driving her nuts so hard that she can’t stand you anymore. In all those cases you should prepare for the worst. Think of her as someone who’s already gone.
And only then start to act. Not to save the relationship but to get your shit together.
You’ve Changed? You Can Change Back!
She’s indifferent because of something. It’s never the case that one day everything is fine and the next is tragic. If one day you had sex four times – in the kitchen, in the bed, under the shower and on the washing machine then she’s not going to avoid intimacy starting on the next day. It’s a process. There had to be some changes. Thankfully, you can undo them.
Did you got fat? Have you let yourself go? Are you wearing sweatpants and a 10-years old t-shirt? Those are easy to fix – go to the gym, dress well, take proper care of yourself and not only you’ll feel better but as a side effect she’ll start to look at you differently. No one is saying that going from 20% body fat to a sixpack is going to take few days but anyone can get jacked by lifting heavy and avoiding carbs. And that’s just one of the steps.
Did you had an interesting life and now you’re just watching Netflix all day, you lazy bum? Start living again – travel, create, do! Go back to your hobbies and passions that were probably a big part of why she was with you. Whatever it was – playing drums, carpentering or bicycle riding – go back to it if it was “your thing”. Or find another hobby! Again – you’ll be more happy and she’ll start to wonder why.
All this advice is not for her to see you as attractive but for you to feel happier and more fulfilled. This time it really isn’t about her, it’s about you.
Think about why she decided to be with you. What was she gaining from your relationship? Was it interesting lifestyle, emotions, great sex or support? First, think whether you can still provide her those things but also – and that’s probably even more important – do you still want to give her that? Maybe it’s you who got bored of her?
Availability Kills Attraction
The most important step is decreasing your availability and making her jealous. You can’t be available for her every whim. You can’t offer her your time without getting anything back. Relationship has to be balanced and you have to pass on her every now and then. Otherwise, she knows that she has you and that you’re no challenge. What’s worse – she’ll know that she has no competition.
If you two live together then it’s going to be tough. But start with your hobbies and passions (and, of course, gym). The less time you spend in your home the less time she can despise you or see your still unattractive persona. If you’re not around then eventually she will start to wonder what you’re doing. And that’s good, especially if you suggest this or that.
If you’re not a challenge for her and she knows that you’re “her” and that you don’t even know other women then she’ll quickly realize that she doesn’t have to do anything. Why would she? You won’t leave nor replace her. And that’s the first step to thinking of you as a loser.
If you’re fishing or lifting all day then she can only be jealous of the time you’re not spending together. But if you do interesting stuff, travel, have fun with friends, live your life to the full then she’ll want to be a part of all this. If, on top of that, you spend time with other girls, flirt with them, maybe even date them – it’s an easy way to make her jealous.
Can you be jelaous of someone if you don’t care about him? Of course not. If she’s worried that you two don’t spend time together, that you’re flirting with other girls, that she’s got competition then you can be sure that she cares about you. Congratulations, you’re no longer indifferent to her.
Don’t Talk About Your Problems
Of course, as soon as you start to spend a lot of time away from her and pursue your plans and dreams (especially if those dreams are about other women) she’ll start to protest. Maybe she’ll even get angry. Do not cave in, do not worry, do your thing. That is the most important step of regaining her respect. It’s tough but it can be done.
It is your life. You’re working hard for your own happiness. She can be a part of your life, a companion but she shouldn’t be leading.
And don’t you even think about having “a serious talk”! You don’t talk about your problems, you solve them by doing something! Action is the only way. You won’t make her feel better by talking but you can make her see you differently when you change. First there is respect, then – interest. Then maybe she’ll become intrigued or attracted… and everything will be back to normal. And you’ll realize that being in a relationship is hard work.
This whole plan can succeed unless she finds someone else first. Someone, who is making her feel things you weren’t providing. But you can’t help that. The only thing you can do is to be the best and most happy version of yourself. And if on your way you realize that she’s not a girl for you… Well, she wouldn’t think twice either.