Avoiding Hard “No”
Recently Rollo Tomassi tweeted “80% of seduction is simply not fucking up what’s already there. Attraction is not a choice – what you do from there is entirely up to you.” That reminds me of another quote – “game is played with ‘maybe’ girls”. So what exactly is this game about?
Rare “Yes” Girls
Let’s take care of “yes” girls first. There are rare instances when you are exactly who the girl is looking for. Maybe you’re physically attractive to her, maybe you said something and she thought that you might be the perfect guy to cheat on her husband with, maybe she’s just horny and you look like a viable option for tonight.
I won’t analyze the reasons behind why a girl becomes ‘yes’ girl for you. That’s job for Rollo and others. I’m a practitioner who just happen to overanalyze things. I know that there are girls out there craving sex and they will welcome the opportunity that you present. Mind you, not all of them are actively looking for sex. Most girls are passive.
When you encounter a girl who already decided that she’s going to have sex with you it’s all the matter of a) escalating (you still have to lead her to sex) b) not fucking it up. There is no need to generate more attraction. More than comfort she needs plausible deniability – provide it, don’t fuck up and she’s yours.
Majority of the girls in longer sets and on dates are “maybe” girls. Those girls know what you’re about but they don’t see themselves fucking you… yet. What’s even more important they still haven’t decided that they won’t fuck you. If she’s still around she’s still a “maybe”.
I always distinguish between “strong maybe” where she’s rooting for you and waiting for a perfect excuse and “weak maybe” where she’s looking for that one thing that will make her become a “no” girl.
The whole concept of game is built on not flipping the “no” switch while continuously escalating towards sex at a pace that is comfortable for her. Do it too fast or too slow or make a big mistake and you’ll hear a loud clap of her vagina closing for you forever.
Avoid Flipping The Switch
There are many things you can do (and say) to make her feel more comfortable, aroused or attracted to you. But not doing that won’t necessarily mean you’re going to lose. If she’s not a “no” then you still have time, she can change her mind later. That’s not the case when she thinks “I won’t have sex with this guy”.
If you’re not relying on routines, canned lines and structure to generate attraction but you actually are an attractive and charming guy with impressive lifestyle then it is really more about not losing her than winning her over.
“Be yourself” is a terrible advice if you happen to be unattractive and bad with girls.
Some would say it’s all about “inner game” and I’m more and more inclined to that theory. Of course, when you’re starting out it’s all about models and routines. But the goal is not to merely appear attractive but to become attractive.
And if you do that then you can treat every girl like a yes girl – escalate and not fuck anything up.
Story Of A Hard “No”
Two evenings ago I was on a date with a black chick from US who was on her annual euro trip. I met her few hours earlier and we went for a bite, some wine and a lot of talks. She visited more than two times the countries that I did and I’m pretty sure the multiplier for her n-count was even higher.
Date started slow but there were a lot of innuendos and even straight out sexual topics. She was accusing me of having a girl in every port to which I replied she’s about right but Zagreb isn’t a port. She said she can believe that as I look like a player but I could feel her experience as well.
We ended up back at my place with a bottle of wine and I clearly saw the moment she made the dreaded decision. She explicitly said that she finds me attractive and she can see us kissing but she won’t have sex with me and that’s not going to change. It wasn’t playful. She meant that. It was a hard “no”. Switch was flipped.
She also said she expected me to start touching and stroking her (which she called “sleazy”) once we got to my place. I’m sure she encountered some players on her way.
Was it non-sexual vibe and talking about travels in the beginning? Maybe. Was it too slow escalation? Possible. Was I too much of a player? I don’t think so. But whatever happened resulted in that decision made then and there. Up to this point she was a “maybe” girl.
Pay attention to what made her think “no”. Avoid that in the future. You’ll success rates will skyr… Let’s say – you’ll do better.