Make Her Ask

Fit girl at the gym.

Today I’ll share a very simple yet very powerful trick for steering the conversation in the way you want it to go. It can be to show an attractive quality, to change the subject to a more flirtatious one or to find out something about the girl (qualify her).
First, you have to make sure you know what you want achieve.


Conversation Topics

The conversation during a street approach consists roughly of two different stages: high and low energy. You start of course with a high energy stop, then launch into stacking and vibing which are fancy terms for flirting. Then you have to transition into investment/rapport. Without the latter the girl will realize she knows nothing about you and won’t even answer your initial text.

The flirty stage of the conversation is illogical and funny as you’re trying to find out if your characters are a match. You don’t want to end up with a girl who’s incompatible with everything you do. You exaggerate, ridicule, challenge, accuse, make fun of, joke, tell stories and present yourself as funny, yet intriguing guy.

Don’t forget about the low energy rapport stage. The girl has to know at least two-three things about you (see: DHV) and you should know few things about her because otherwise she’ll think that you’re fine with dating/sleeping with total strangers.

Yet, sometimes you’re having too much fun flirting or the conversation is going far away from any rapport.


Why Not Just Ask Her?

My main post about not asking questions is surprisingly called “Voice and Statements” where I discuss the hows and whys of turning all the questions you want to ask into statements. I also mentioned there a very undervalued strategy of humblebragging or as I call it “putting questions in her mouth”.

Everything discussed here works on dates as well. As always – make sure you know what you’re trying to achieve when you introduce a new subject.

When you ask a question, especially to a stranger, you demand an answer. It is seen as taking value from someone. And if you’ve just met you don’t want to take, you want to give to be seen as a cool guy that she feels great with. Not someone who is interviewing her.

In the same manner, you don’t want to brag or tell her cool things about yourself unasked. She doesn’t want to be around a showoff, she wants to discover you by herself.

So what to do when you want her to tell you something or you really need to brag because you know it would be a hit with that particular girl?


Make Her Ask

Simply – make her ask. Make her curious enough to pursue that particular topic. Give her half of an answer or introduce the subject in a vague manner so she’ll question you (and then of course you’ll get back to her). While it might sound confusing, it’s very simple.

The most straightforward example of that is when you’re in a different country and you want to humblebrag about where you’re from (or that you’re an expat which is thousand times more attractive than a sex tourist). You need a context first. You can make an assumption about her origin and she won’t be able to help herself but to ask you the same thing. And if not – that’s a really bad set.

It doesn’t always have to be an assumption. If you try to do avoid asking any questions at all, it will get weird. Use rich detailed question instead. Compare “Where are you from?” and “I’ve heard that no one in Warsaw is from Warsaw. Apparently everyone moved here from some other place. Were you born here?”

You can notice that she’s training (easy if she has a gym bag) and after a short chat about her yoga classes she will ask what do you train. Especially if you’re big or jacked. Even if something is not obvious and you’re just wondering if she’s into extreme sports it will work if you’re really passionate about that topic. She’ll notice that it’s important and ask “how about you?” or something similar.

Fit girl at the gym.

“Do you even lift? Uhm, I meant – you look like you’re spending a lot of time at the gym…”


Don’t Be A Perfect Stranger

Giving her half of the information is another form of making her ask. Continuing the example you can say “Back where I’m from it’s always x, y and z”. Either she will ask about the things mentioned or, more likely, she’ll want to find out where the hell are you from.

It’s especially useful if you have a lot of fun conversations without any rapport whatsoever and the girls are left with great impressions of a guy they know nothing about. You introduce a couple of serious topics in an indirect but flirty way. It’s still fun but you’re not longer a total stranger.

You use the same strategy to change the topic and to humblebrag. Say to her that she’d look cool with a guitar and you wouldn’t be surprised if she’s in a band. Whatever she says you can follow up with “I think everyone should play at least one instrument.” What do you think she’ll say next?


Make Her Interested

This simple strategy allows the girl to become curious. If she can’t help but to ask then she will rationalize this as being interested in you. And that’s a good start. If you add to that initial impression charm, good looks, flirting or hint of a great lifestyle then you have very high chance of attracting her. At least for now.

The easiest way to make a girl interested is to make a vague statement about her. “You are dressed in a very peculiar way”, “you were standing out from the crowd”, “you’re behaving differently than everyone else”. Use it next time and watch her interest grow.

The first step is to make her attracted. The rest is just logistic.


Male-female relationships commentator. Also a traveler, adrenaline junkie and, believe it or not, introvert. Still obsessed with working out, coaching daygame and living life to the full.

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Cobrantula - 2017-06-02

I will try this. I’ve been getting numbers lately, but they’ve mostly been going nowhere. I’ve gotten pretty decent at the flirty part, but yeah I’m not building any real connections. This post is really speaking to me. Thanks.


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