Myzsterious Spotlight Effect
Hanging around other daygamers and introducing new guys to the wonderful world of picking up girls during the day I see a lot of anxieties, reservations and fears. The spotlight effect a ridiculous and unfounded notion that other people will judge you when you’ll try to pick up a girl.
People Don’t Care
Look at any single infield you can find (you can watch my Polish ones) and pay attention to the people around. They don’t fucking care about no one. Spotlight effect doesn’t exist. Everyone is selfish and they only think about what’s going on in their own life. You’re not a part of any stranger’s life. Yes, even the girl’s.
I keep saying over and over that when you’re talking to a girl you should start by talking about her. Because she cares only about herself. Other people aren’t that different. They care about themselves, not some shmuck trying to pick up a girl.
To be of any interest to anyone you have to be important to them. Do you really think that any person would stop just to listen to an interaction of two total strangers? The maximum amount of attention you’ll get is a single glance.
If you have such anxiety then deal with it gradually. Start with open spaces and then do more crowded streets and malls. Then game girls inside shops and on the bus stops.
Force yourself to daygame in situations where other people can’t help but to listen to realize that a) they don’t even want to hear you b) they won’t react in any way.
All anxieties and reservations come from a very simple place – fear of being rejected. If you’d know that the girl is going to be impressed and she’ll react very well you wouldn’t care that someone overhears you. You’d assume they’d be impressed as well.
This only shows that you’re thinking about others too much whereas you should be thinking about the girl. Your attention is all over the place. Focus! There is an attractive women standing in front of you and she should be the center of your world for the next few minutes.
The only worse thing you can do than thinking about everyone else is think about yourself. But that’s not spotlight effect anxiety, it’s just a regular one.
“It’s all self-focused! The eye isn’t working!” – Jordan B. Peterson
There is a great video by Jordan B. Peterson on how to deal with public speaking when you’re anxious. He recommends focusing on one person at a time. Stop addressing the crowd.
Everyone can handle a one-on-one conversation. So focus on the girl, stop thinking about the audience. And stop thinking about yourself, you selfish bastard!
Embarrassment Is Short-Lived
Try to recall the most embarrassing thing that you did. Not the one from childhood, those sometimes are too heavily imprinted on your memory, go for something recent. Having hard time, huh?
The pain of a harsh rejection from a slutty chick lasts few seconds. Another interaction with a girl wipes out the previous one, especially if it was in any way better. The easiest way to recover from a bad set is to do another one.
Do things intelligently, if you don’t have much luck with a particular type of girl then maybe – just maybe – you shouldn’t focus on those without changing anything. Approach them when your vibe is high, when you feel like you can conquer the world. But your staple should give you endless stream of positive reinforcement.
Bros Do Care And They Root For You
The only people who are going to approach you after both successful and failed pick up attempts are other guys who know what’s going on. And they will never laugh or make fun of you – they’ll only high five you. Approaching a girl during the day is still considered a brave feat.
Whether they’re seasoned players or just enthusiasts that know of the game they realize what you’ve done. Everyone respects men who go after what they really want, especially if they soberly go after hot girls. Those guys might offer you their insight or advice and they even might become your wings or travel companions.
There’s nothing bad that will come from strangers around you, the spotlight effect isn’t real and you should stop looking around you. Focus on who’s in front of you.