First, Sort Out Your Life
Last week I was doing things that had to be done to move my life in the desired direction. They had nothing to do with daygame but I can easily mindwank a bit and explain why your dull and troubled life won’t make you great at daygame. Or frankly, anything.
If your mind is otherwise occupied with something of great importance then you can expect that subconsciously you’ll be focused on that task even when you try to enjoy something else. And I can easily imagine infinite numbers of things that are more important than sleeping with yet another girl.
That might be somewhat different in the beginning of your daygame journey, when the goal is to learn and see with your very own eyes that you are able to pick up, seduce and sleep with a girl that you’ve just met on a crowded street of your city. Absolute focus is desirable on those first stages.
State = Vibe + Momentum
Your current state as perceived by others is the sum of the momentum (how good is your day) and vibe (how good is your life). You can manipulate both of them but only the latter is steady and well under your control. Deal with it.
Momentum is simply your “social muscle at work“. Have you done some sets? Sun is shining? It’s warm and you’ve just got some good info? You’ll feel great. That means your vibe is better than usual.
The key word here is “usual”. How you feel every single day when nothing particularly good or bad happens is the base vibe level. If you life sucks then only great amount of momentum will elevate you high enough to become socially attractive. And even then that state will be volatile and you’ll experience an emotional rollercoaster.
You can see people trying to fix their lives with liquor and drugs every weekend. Don’t be one of those guys…
Sort out your life first and foremost. Debts, lack of work, bad health – these things need to be fixed. And not just to pick up girl (although it surely helps) but to enjoy your life. You can’t be positive and happy when you’re overweight and barely can climb the stairs or when your best t-shirt has more holes than a sieve.
Only after dealing with all that you can move to picking up girls even though I’d recommend doing something different concurrently.
Achieve Something Real
When was the last time you’ve finished something that was important to you? The feeling of having something “done” has a name. It’s happiness. When you’re progressing in the chosen direction you’ll feel great.
Listen to Jordan B. Peterson on positive emotions and think for a while – how are daily progressing towards your goals (I prefer to call them “visions”). I link to him a lot because he’s great.
The thing is: you have to know where you’re heading and that you actually progress. That’s why I was unavailable for the last week. I wasn’t just achieving something important to me. I didn’t think of it as something I could later use in my conversation with girls. I wasn’t just on an adventure.
I was altering the course of my life. I changed the direction and now I’m on a better path. That feeling is making me happier, more optimistic and even more open to other people. It’s so easy to invite others to your world when that world is nice, shiny and busy. Even if that means sometimes you’ll be too busy.
When you just start doing daygame then achievements can come from the game itself. Numbers, dates, kisses, sex, efficiency or even ease that you acquire in dealing with hot girls. Those are visible and measurable things that clearly show you’re progressing in your daygame journey.
As I always say – daygame (and girls in general) can’t be your whole life. If that’s the only area that needs to be fixed in your life – great, work on it. Learn how to pick up girls, maintain multiple relationships and become happier.
There is little difference in spending your whole life playing computer games and chasing girls if those are the only things you do. Stop wasting your life, start living.
That’s the case with many guys who write to me. From what they say it seems like they have their shit together, life under control and going in the right direction. But the girls are still a problem. If that’s the case – by all means focus on learning game. If not – don’t try to fix your life by introducing more chaos in the form of girls. That never worked for anyone.