Power Of Yes
The previous post mentioned a timeless classic – How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Within lies the answer why most of my sets starts either with another classic (“Can I say to you something really quickly?”) or “I hope you speak English”.
Start With Yes
Those questions/statements are constructed in a certain way. It’s almost impossible to say “no” to any of my conversation starters, especially when you combine them with a good body language and a nice smile (which is something we all do, right?).
“Get the other person saying ‘Yes, yes’ at the outset.” – Dale Carnegie
What that first “yes” reply does is that it makes the person you’re talking to compliant and more inclined to agree to other things. And there will be many small steps in the process of daygame interaction.
You’re but a stranger to that girl. Every “yes” counts as it makes her not only more open to the whole experience but also keener to agree to your ultimate proposal which is the date or the number.
The effect of saying a single “Yes” isn’t that big. It’s the repeated “yeses” that stack and change that “maybe no” girl to “maybe yes” when it comes to seeing you again.
The effect of a “No” is much more permanent. When you reject something, it is usually final. You’d feel like a fool when changing your mind, especially that fast.
“When a person says ‘No’ and really means it, he or she is doing far more than saying a word of two letters. (…) There is, usually in minute but sometimes in observable degree, a physical withdrawal or readiness for withdrawal.” – Dale Carnegie
When she says “No” she will feel like she has to stick to her position. That’s why you usually can work your way around “I’m not sure I should give you my number” but you rarely succeed with “No, I don’t give my number to strangers”.
Close With Yes
When it comes to getting a number after an average conversation there are few things you can do to make it more solid. One of them is bridging the date (making some vague plans, showing her that you’re serious). The other one is avoiding the “no” and getting a “yes”.
“In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing – and keep on emphasizing – the things on which you agree.” – Dale Carnegie
When I first started doing daygame I learned and followed one rule (amongst others) – never ask for a number. I merely imply that we need to exchange our contact details to stay in touch and see each other again.
Lately I’ve found that asking a relevant question and getting one or two “yeses” just before the close works surprisingly well.
If you learn how to get numbers after mediocre conversations don’t be surprised that most of them will flake.
Say something about having to go (you’re a busy guy after all) and that you should meet some other time (or that you want to take her out for a drink or that you’d like to continue the conversation some other time or whatever) and then casually ask “Do you use WhatsApp?”. You’ll proably get a “yes”.
Then just give her your phone with “add new contact” tab opened or ask how you can find her. The same goes for a Facebook close – lead with “Are you on Facebook” and get a “yes”.
But… You’re Asking Questions!
Let’s get this one straight because it’s really important. The first thing you’re saying to a girl she won’t even process. It’s a buffer sentence that leads to open. You can say anything and she’ll react instinctively. If that first reaction is a “yes” then it’s even better.
As for the closing – at that point in the conversation you’re familiar with each other, she’s attracted and interested (why else would she be talking to you?). One extra question is not going to change that. And if it does then it was a terrible set anyway.
Always view every advice in the context of social interaction. Yes, avoiding questions is the easiest way to make your daygame conversations longer and more fun. But like I’ve said – following that rule blindly will make you a creepy robot, not a good daygamer.