Don’t Prepare For Your Dates
Lately I’ve been experiencing what Nash calls “Girl Tornado“. That means I have a lot of dates, many leads and I’m juggling quite a few chicks. And I’ve already slipped… but thankfully only once.
And I don’t mean I’ve “slipped” inside a girl (but also – yes, field report coming soon). I’ve slipped in my resolve not to prepare for dates. The more of those you have the less you’re inclined to do any preparations whatsoever. You plan them but that’s about it. You shouldn’t care about the rest.
Don’t Let Flakes Get To You
One of the reasons for not being overly concerned with the dates is that a significant fraction of them will never take place. Either you or her will cancel the date. In other words – there will be a flake.
Girls flake. It’s natural and expected. The only guys who never experienced flakes are those who haven’t dated enough.
I’ve been over this at least once when I shared some thoughts on flake and date management. The best tip that helps you shrug off the flakes is to have alternative plans and/or alternative dates (double booking). Always be busy, always have something you will be working on in case you suddenly get an extra free evening.
That could be your hobby, your side business, extra workout session, book you’ve never found time to read, a beer with your friends or even an evening with a regular girl who you booty call. But no matter what you choose don’t just sit at your home staring at the wall drinking all by yourself. It’s an opportunity, not a tragedy.
Last week I had a second date scheduled with a cute Ukrainian girl. It was going to be the first one at my place. My other plans for that day included heavy workout at the gym, dinner and cleaning the apartment. I’m always in a rush so I’ve finished the gym a bit too late and then quickly went home to eat. Between cleaning, cooking and taking a shower I haven’t even noticed her texts. She flaked.
The disappointment didn’t came from her flaking. It came from the realization that I’ve been far too concerned with getting the apartment and myself in the proper state. Unless you’re place is a total mess (mine never is) it’s not going to be a deciding factor. And you can just tell her that you have to eat after the gym and if she wants to join she’s welcome.
That was bad mindset. Thankfully it was only one case but worth of a note to self nevertheless. And some guys have it even worse. They’re trying to impress the girl.
The Fallacy Of Cool First Date
There is a small trend going on a the (in)famous Polish pickup forums suggesting that you should blow the girl away with your super cool first date. Like taking her on a motorbike to a shooting range and then to a nearby secluded hill to have a romantic picnic while watching a sunset. But what does this approach tells her?
If the girl is really into you and down to fuck – she’ll see it as romantic and jump you right after you arrive at the hill. In that scenario you don’t need any of this, you could’ve just brought her right home. Ride would be enough.
However, if she’s not that into you – which is majority of the girls – you’ll be seen as a try hard. You’re investing far too much. You’re creating a complicated scenario with many pitfalls. Also it’s something which isn’t easily repeatable giving you less chances to refine your date plan.
On your road to improvement simple, repeatable and easy to improve plans are you friends. “Plan, Do, Check, Act” (Plan, Do, Study, Adjust if you prefer).
Especially if it’s a first date it screams “I’m not doing this very often”. It’s impossible to try so hard for every girl which means you either did all that just for her (putting her on a pedestal) or you don’t date that much (which is equally bad). Not the message you want to put across.
And given all the planning and preparation required you’ll definitely be disappointed when she flakes. Don’t do that.