One of the definitions for the word “mantra” is “a commonly repeated word or phrase, especially in advocacy or for motivation”. I don’t like motivation. But I like repeating certain phrases related to male-female relationships.
I’m not talking about affirmations, that’s a totally different topic. Both affirmations and visualizations do work, I’m not saying they don’t. But while repeating something over and over is good for getting to a certain state of mind first you have to know the general direction.
My relationship mantras are manifestations of my current mindset in regard to male-female relationships. These are also things I’ve been writing over and over (and over) again on Polish pickup forums where guys are asking almost the same questions every single week. All beliefs are important but I’ve chosen those that address the most popular misconceptions.
Listen To Her Actions, Not Her Words
Last year I wrote a post on that exact topic and I’ll repeat it over and over (and over) until I die: listen to her actions, not her words. Always. It doesn’t matter what she says. It only matters what she does and by her action she shall be judged.
That ranges from positive experiences like her saying “we’re not going to have sex today” (we all know how those nights end) to negative like “I’d love to meet you but I’m super busy at the moment” (and then she’s partying all weekend until her friends drag her back home).
Some words you can ignore (“I’ve never done things like that!”) others might make you more wary about her (“He’s just a friend, I couldn’t be with him”). But none of those words matter unless they’re backed by real-life actions.
It’s worth noting that not only girls say one thing and do another. Yet for girls in their prime it’s so natural they don’t even register that.
I wouldn’t call it lying. What girls say and how they – for the lack of better word – reason is tied to their emotional state. So she probably believes the thing she says at that exact moment. “I don’t like jacked guys” is a perfect example. She doesn’t… until she sees a huge guy who immediately makes her wet. But those few moments earlier she’d really meant that. Yet, you can’t cheat your primal urges.
During your daygame adventures you’ll see thousands examples of girls trying to make you believe their bullshit. It doesn’t matter how hard she “whishes” to meet you or “loves to talk with you”. What matters is what happen on dates, face to face (or in any other configuration you want). Online world does not matter. It’s not a sign of compliance when you chat for hours each day but when you ask her out she totally has to visit her sick grandma.
If she’s meeting with you, having drinks, spending quality time – she’s interested. If you’re kissing, going to yours or hers, having sex – it’s on. If none of the above happens then it doesn’t matter how much she’d like to have a glass of wine with you. Words do not matter. Tattoo it if you must.
Sex First And Then (Maybe) A Relationship
While scheduling your tattoo let the artist know that there will be two lines of text. The other one is that sex is first and only then relationship may or may not follow. There are no reversals or exceptions to either this or the previous rule. They’re that important.
Some say friendzone is the worst place you can get with a women. I say it’s on par with limbo – girl giving you just enough to keep you interested but not nearly as much as you want. Ditch her in both cases.
Before sex the whole dynamic is in her favor – she deals the cards, you play. You want to sleep with her, she doesn’t want to feel like an easy girl and/or being used. If it’s a facade – it’s normal and expected. But if a girl deliberately makes you wait for sex that means she’s not that into you but at the moment she doesn’t have better options. You like that?
After you two have sex the tables are turned – you deal the cards, she plays. You’ve already got the biggest obstacle out of the way and it is for you to decide whether you want to continue to see this girl or treat her like a one night stand. Unless it was a really fast first date sex she invested enough for her to want to see you more. Maybe even get you into some sort of relationship.
If you’re going to give her all the attention, validation and quality time she wants then why on earth would she expose herself to the danger of you using her for sex? She already gets most of the things she wants. That’s assuming she’s not that into you and sex isn’t high priority for her (not enough attraction).
Imagine a great start of a relationship with a girl. You’ve been on one or two dates, you’ve already kissed, she seems on, your hopes are high. You’re going to make her a regular girl in your rotation or maybe even the main girl. However, there is one big problem – you haven’t slept with each other, yet.
That’s usually how oneitis starts – you’re thinking too far ahead, ascribing her qualities you haven’t even seen. I’m all for spending quality time with girls. But I’m also very much against girls using me – my time, my money, even my ideas for spending time together. I don’t want to do any things with a girl who isn’t into me sexually.
After sleeping with as little as tens of girls you’ll inevitably experience some that were crazy into you, even in love and some whose feeling were lukewarm. Whatever you do with those girls will be better with those that you make wet. Even a dinner or a motorbike ride. So in a way you’re using sex to filter out the timewasters.
Text For Logistic, Date For Sex
I’ve already shared 3 tips to quickly fix your texting game. I’m using those as well and texting is getting visibly better. Less smileys, far less frame snatches and much much shorter messages are working great. It’s true that progress is slow right until you get some inexplicable shift to a higher level.
Texting should be considered means to an end. That end is you two being on a date, there is no other way around it. Action and real world is what counts, not the texting or even worse – endless conversations on WhatsApp or Messenger. Either pretend to be busy or get busy.
One of my regular girls is a clingy young girl that would like to text every day. Few times a day. Every single thing that happens in her life. I usually replied then tried to arrange a date but lately to no avail. So I’ve stopped replying. Then I stopped reading her texts at all. After about a week I wrote her a benign message. At first she was pouting and cut the chat short. Later that day she said she’d like to meet. Yes, it’s that simple.
The same goes for dates. You already know that sex should be on your mind. Don’t be needy – you merely want her, not need her. But at the same time focus on getting her into your bed (or wherever).
Just like “just texting” doesn’t bring you closer to a date, “just dating” doesn’t bring you closer to sex. Have a plan and adapt. If you’re going on “just a coffee date” then it’s either to quickly verify her level of interest or to push her away using bridge date idea.
Have an agenda. “I’m going with her to see a movie” is a stupid move if you’re not planning on doing anything after (or during!) the showing.
Attraction Isn’t Negotiable
On Polish pickup forums there is this big category of “relationship problems” to which I have two solutions. One is to do less (for her), the other one is to ditch the girl. I know, I know you want to try to fix it first. Almost everyone does and almost everyone with that problem is in some sort of monogamous relationship. Go figure.
Ever since I started seeing multiple girls I’ve had none of the usual “relationship problems” happened.
There’s another tattoo for you: attraction isn’t negotiable. You cannot talk a girl into seeing you as an attractive guy. You cannot buy her desire. If you’re aiming at genuine attraction you have to accept that reason has nothing to do with it. Of course some things you do or the way you behave will trigger an emotional response. But you’re judged as a whole – either you get over the threshold or don’t. And believe me she’s got quite a few thresholds – “I could date him”, “I could marry him”, “I could have sex with him”, “I want him, now, no matter the consequences”.
Guys that are reading pickup forums or red pill in general don’t have a problem in grasping the concept of attraction when related to new girls. Somehow it’s much different when they enter any sort of arrangement with a women. But attraction works exactly the same way.
Doing Less, Not More, Is The Way To Repair A Relationship
Many guys with “relationship problems” just need to read one book – No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. If you ever put others’ needs before your own, if you don’t want to be rude, if you’d rather be unnoticed than make someone disappointed in you then it’s just a book for you. Get it, read it, use it to change yourself into someone happier. It already helped a lot of guys.
Healthy selfishness is a thing that will make you happy. Or at least happier.
Taking into account that attraction can’t be negotiated you have to transform yourself into someone desirable. Logical things and endless talks won’t change a thing.
A good start would be becoming the guy that she felt for. Remember all the things she asked you to stop or start doing? Undo everything. She liked you enough back then – why change? To make yourself unattractive by getting rid of every single feature that made her wet?
Don’t Reward Bad Behavior
The standard operating procedure when the girl you’re in a relationship with is no longer into you is simple: stop doing anything for her (don’t reward bad behavior), start doing everything for yourself.
Go to the gym, that’s as important as breathing. Get into the best shape of your life. Pick up one or two manly hobbies – from shooting through motorcycle riding to carpentry. Whatever involves physical work and/or adrenaline. Start spending a lot of time outside your home. Meet with friends, go for few beers, go and pick up some other girls (if you don’t want to have sex with other girls – don’t but at the very least flirt with them), be more open, make friends everywhere and chat every attractive female.
Yeah, it will be hard at first. There will be whining and terror and accusations and drama. Stoicism is the answer. You’re the man and those are the things you do now. She can either be happy for you or shut up and do her own things. It’s almost funny how often this approach works. It’s a combination of dread, excitement, being put down and genuine attraction for a confident man with a purpose.
But what if she leaves you? That is a possibility albeit small. If that happens you still should consider yourself lucky. You’ve got rid of a women who wasn’t going to be there for you. She wasn’t going to support your pursue to be a better self, to grow. Why would you need women like that in your life?
You Won’t Change Anything By Talking, Only Actions Count
Nothing to add to this one as this post is already long enough. Everything you’ve read so far should by applied in real life through action. You cannot talk someone into something or out of anything. Arguing never changed anyone’s mind. If you want people to behave differently start treating them differently. That’s the only mechanism that can work.
“But… but… but…” There are no buts. That ties back to listening to her actions, not her words. She can tell you anything and agree to everything and still do as she wishes. On the other hand you can threaten her verbally. It all doesn’t matter. What does is what happens. If you say “stop whining or I’ll leave” then for fucks sake stand up and leave the next time she complains. Have some respect.
She’s Not Special, There Are Thousands Just Like Her
I’d like to end on a positive note but for some it will still sound grim. She’s not special. She’s no snowflake. And she definitely isn’t the most beautiful and/or compatible girl you’ll see in your life.
There are millions of girls you’d find attractive scattered all over the world. If you’re reading this then you’re not one of those guys who fall in love in high school, marry and be miserable till the day you die. You’ll meet hundreds, maybe even thousands of women during your adventures. There is no point in obsessing over one girl. No matter how hot she is there will always be hotter ones.
And you’ll find them.