Picking Up Girls And Still Being Lonely?

Couple on the floor kissing.

2016 was a very good year. Not crazy, not life-changing but very good nonetheless. Most of it had to do with me continuously having few girls I was seeing. Once I’ve got someone new I usually dumped one (or lost her due to lack of time for proper relationship maintenance). Similarly – whenever I could sense that we were approaching “best before” date I was somehow able to find and keep another girl.

Abundance is a great mindset but it can make you lazy. Men fight best when they’re cornered and it’s their only option. Find balance between lazy comfort and needy scarcity.

There are lot of guys out there banging new chicks in crazy strings of one night stands. While I had few of those (and they’re great) I’ve never been on a long killing spree. Mostly because for me sex is better when I have any sort of connection with the girl. Otherwise it’s just masturbating with someone else’s body which I don’t enjoy. But that’s not the whole story as there is another factor, maybe even more important.

Picking up girls during the day is hard. Seduction rarely happens in an instant and if it does then it’s an exception. Most of the time you’ll need a mix of texting and dating to get laid. It isn’t exactly hard work, far from it. It should be as enjoyable as possible because otherwise you’ll hate the game, women and yourself. But it isn’t easy nor foolproof process. And exactly because of that I don’t like one night stands – too much hustle for one night of fun. It’s like buying a new espresso machine every time you want a coffee. Okay, not a great analogy but you get the point.

Couple on the floor kissing.

I guess that guy isn’t feeling lonely… at the moment.

Not only that but having a lot of crazy, fast adventures can make you lonely. Especially if you’re an introvert (like a lot of guys into daygame are) whose interactions with other people is limited to picking up girls and arguing on pickup forums you simply don’t have enough face time with other human beings. Success with girls resulting in fast, crazy sex would help only with the sexual tension. Not the need for human contact.

Humans are tribal, for better or for worse. We identify with groups (“we” vs. “them”), we are happier when we have friends, colleagues, family or any interactions with other beings. Some guys that find their way into PUA or picking up girls during the day are not so much looking for sex as for companionship and affection. Granted, we’d rather get those things along with sex from a smoking hot 20 years old student than with someone else.

Shout out to ShankNes for putting my mind on this track. He was disgruntled with the hookup culture where you just can’t find a decent girl willing to commit. And in some countries (especially in some environments) it’s more than true. Thankfully I live in one where I’m losing girls because they want to be monogamous and not because I want to do with them something other than sex.

To be honest I think Poland is about 50/50 right now where half of the girls are westernized and willing to have crazy adventure-type sex with no strings attached while the other half is thinking more long-term (but of course some of those would still go wild with the right guy).

Cognitive bias is real. If you surround yourself with party girls you’ll have totally different overview of dating in your country than someone who seduces “alternative” girls.

Can you be lonely while having a lot of fuck friends? Of course. Can you be fine and without any side effects even though you’re having tens of one night stands? Even more so. But if all your lays are disappearing very fast then you’re just wasting opportunities for more sex, some affection and quality time. And you can easily change that.

Change what type of relationships you get out of daygame.

Everything starts – as always – with your approach. This is the first impression and if you appear like a guy looking for a relationship it will be hard to get fast sex. However, being a confident, r-selected guy doesn’t mean you cannot be talked into some sort of casual relationship in the future. Most girls wants to “tame the bad boy”. And what’s even better – it’s going to be her idea. Win-win.

It’s one of those counterintuitive truths but if you want more quality time with girls be the fast sex type of guy. “Sex first and then (maybe) a relationship”. Trying to build something more right away will scare off a lot of girls.

Even if you really want to be serious with one girl that shouldn’t stop you from seeing others. Or at the very least flirting and daygaming.

From my experience the single biggest issue that guys have is maintaining contact after having sex with a girl. It’s not that hard! All the game rules still apply – let her chase you, contact mostly for logistic, see her once every 7-10 days, fuck her good, do something more than wine & sex if she’s more than just a fuck buddy to you (there is a whole spectrum of relationships). And if you’re too lazy to text her once every 2-3 days then don’t whine that “all your conquers seem to fizzle out”.

Fucking her good is underestimated too. If you’re her source of orgasms then she’ll likely keep coming for more. If you’re having crazy, wild nights then sometimes it’s more than enough to keep her around. There are girls looking for just that or those that had sex so long ago that – for now – it’s all they want.

The post-sex window is especially important the first time. It matters a lot what happens after sex. If you just put on your clothes and call her a cab – the message is clear. If you start naming your future children and pets you probably won’t see her again, stupid. However if you mix wild night of sex (with brief pauses for drinks and recovery) with some cuddling, letting her stay or making coffee in the morning you’ll send two signals. Yes, it is about sex. And yes, it can become something more. Just make sure the second message is more vague.

On one hand – you’re the bad guy who seduced her. On the other – you seem to care. But you’re probably still seeing other girls. Maybe you can be saved? Maybe she can change you? Of course not but these thoughts will keep her around for months, not weeks.

I’m not saying you should change who you are to keep some of the girls around. I’m saying that there are few simple things you can do to have more sex than just a one night stand and certainly more affection. And if you want to transition to long term relationship then just keep doing all that until she asks for one or gives you The Talk. You never start The Talk first. Never.


Male-female relationships commentator. Also a traveler, adrenaline junkie and, believe it or not, introvert. Still obsessed with working out, coaching daygame and living life to the full.

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 2 comments
rivsdiary - 2017-01-08

"Trying to build something more right away will scare off a lot of girls."


this one HUGE thing i learned in pickup. it's the new reality. if you want to be her bf, start off by being her lover. i know tom has talked about this a lot. also, todd explains it clearly in this video:

Erik Williams - 2017-01-08

Great summary and totally agree with how you broke it down. To me the sweet spot is to have 1-2 girls you see for more than just sex while also having 2-3 fuck buddies on the side. This helps strike a balance between the need for pair-bonding and affection, while not handing your balls to one girl and promising monogamy.

Highly recommend this guy's books on creating and maintaining open relationships. It's basically harem management. I use his process and it works:



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