3 Tips To Quickly Fix Your Texting Game

Cute girl holding a phone

Texting is overrated… as a seduction tool. However, you still need to somehow get a girl out and while most of the time your messages won’t do anything good they can still do a lot of harm if you can’t text properly. There have been PhDs written on texting (not really) and you probably have read at least one book on it. You know to never message her twice in a row and to reply with shorter messages than her while taking your time – waiting longer than she is. You also mix questions with statements and you’re texting her every 3-4 days to get her out on a date or stay on her radar if logistic isn’t favorable.

Don’t be boring when you text. If you always take 3 minutes longer than her to answer it’s going to get ridiculous. Sometimes reply immediately, sometimes don’t reply at all. Texting rules aren’t to be taken literally.

We all know that and we adhere to the texting rules. At least we think so. After all – texting is overrated, isn’t it? The approach has the biggest impact on what happens next. Without at least 5-10 minutes of facetime almost no number is solid (that is – unless she’s a “yes” girl). I’ve seen that reasoning many times in my friends and students. Recently I’ve found myself thinking exactly that while writing to a bunch of girls. And yes I was lazy with my texting. But after an evening spent drinking beer with mates, talking about girls and reviewing our conversation I realized that just by looking at your past texts you can learn a lot.

And I mean it. You have huge repository of knowledge sitting in your phone, assuming you don’t delete your numbers and past conversations. And you shouldn’t delete them! Not only you can learn from the past but there is always that slight chance that she might break the radio silence. And that’s usually a good sign. It also means you weren’t top of her list but let’s not focus on that. Instead – you’ll welcome the history which will tell you a lot about her and the dynamic you’ve had.

Cute girl holding a phone

“This guy I’m going to piss off, this one I won’t reply to and I’m going to agree on a date with this guy… but I’ll flake later.”

So how your vast archive of texts and Messenger/WhatsApp/Viber conversations can help you? You don’t need to be an expert to spot the obvious mistakes. Look through your texting history and ask three simple questions. Be brutally honest with yourself as it’s the only way you can become better at this.

1. What response you were expecting?

That’s a big one. Every single text should have an agenda. It’s either to initiate contact (usually a ping text), pivot the conversation to an invite (usually a question), invite (obvious), get her emotional, display high value (DHV), make her wet (sex talk) or make her confused (when you show your other side – like sending her a picture of you playing with a cute dog). You want to achieve something with your texts. If that thing is “I hope she’ll reply” then you’re not employing any “texting game”. You’re just texting with no game at all.

That doesn’t have to be complicated. Just think what you expect her to reply. The most common mistake is not anticipating any response at all. That’s when you send her something in line of “We should totally do that”. You might think you’ve just invited her but unless she’s a “yes” girl she probably won’t reply. Why would she? You’re the man, you’re supposed to be leading. Instead you’re just hiding your dick.

Either send her an invite – “We should totally do that. Monday or Wednesday?” or if you think she’d decline get her emotional first “We should totally do that! I can already see you hurting yourself while doing whatever”. The second one at least puts an image in her mind – of you two doing something together and her being terrible at it.

It’s painfully obvious when you see a message that you haven’t put any thought into. You cringe. You see yourself not being direct enough or conversely – pushing too hard when there were no signs of interest. When a girl replies to you after a two days you don’t invite her with the very next text. You have to aim for the most likely response.

Go through your old texts and think of the first thing that comes to mind after reading them. What would a girl interested in you reply? And how about girl that wasn’t so keen? You have to calibrate for the level of investment. If it’s high – go for the kill, initiate the conversation, pivot and invite. If it’s low – work on raising the temperature. That means more pictures, DHV-ing and influencing her emotions.

Also – pay very close attention to texts that ended a conversation. What was it when she decided it’s not worth a reply? And while we’re at it – how often you were the one to go silent? Which leads us to second question…

2. Did you have to answer that text?

You are not obligated to reply to every single text she sends you. Even if you’re not that busy, pretend to be (or better yet – get busy). If you think that’s rude then you have much bigger problems than your text game. It’s not that you have to be unavailable but you’re probably far too eager. And that makes you less attractive. Men got things to do, girls to game and life to live.

It’s totally normal not to answer a text.

If it takes you too long to think about answer – just leave it. Sending a text out of some sort of unwritten obligation is doing you a lot of harm. It won’t be witty, funny and it won’t serve any other purpose than to keep the conversation going. When you struggle with your words but somehow manage to finally write a text then always review it using previous question – “what response do you expect?”. If you can’t tell – delete it and go on with your life. More often than not she’ll text you again.

Another very common problem with text game is what I call multithreading. The girl asks you two questions. Or she comments on your ping and asks a question. It’s very natural for “good guys” to continue all the threads of the conversation. They answer both questions. They response to the comment and reply to the question. Boring, supplicating, predictable. Follow only one thread. Ignore the other question. Use her long messages to change the subject ignoring the one that isn’t doing you any good or brining you closer to the invite.

3. Were you losing the frame?

So you’re that proverbial alpha guy who knows what he wants, goes for the kill (i.e. invite) and fifteen texts later you end up talking about dog breeds. Yup, you’ve lost your frame and now she’s the one playing you. It happens and usually it’s a sign of weak interest (or lack thereof). Girls like to play games, sure, but sometimes it’s much more sinister. There are times when it seems she’s ignoring your questions and statements like she doesn’t really need you in that conversation. She’s bored, boring or uninterested. Sometimes you just can’t communicate with those girls via text.

So don’t. Invite them out as soon as possible, don’t give them enough time to employ their silly strategies and make you look like a fool begging for attention. Being harsh, straight to the point and demanding can work with at least some of those girls.

That’s also nice way to filter out those uninterested-but-available. Those girls are lukewarm and they sure as hell like to text a lot but they go silent every time you suggest a date or ask a question that’s a little bit uncomfortable. In such cases you should go radio silent or push her against the wall by calling out her ridiculous behavior. If that happened a lot she’s probably a lost cause anyway and you’ll regain some self-respect by not letting her play with you. And you’ll get closure when she finally admits that she’s seeing someone.

All in all it’s hard to spot the frame snatch. It might seem she’s asking an innocent question or expanding on your statement. That’s why it’s crucial to have an agenda behind every single text. Thinking “I’ll answer her question and then we’ll get back to discussing the time and place of our date” isn’t going to work. If you suspect she’s derailing the conversation – you know what to do. Don’t answer her.

The old smileys debate

It’s impossible not to look back at your texting and touch the topic of smileys/emoticons. I get it. A lot of you are from US where apparently including a smiley face in a text message makes you a dribbling retard. I’ve yet to visit the US. However in Central Europe you’re going to look like a weird guy if you don’t include an emoji every once in a while. And the further east you go the more you should use those. Don’t even get me started on Ukrainian girls.

It is true that many guys mask their insecurities by adding smiles to their jokes so the girl won’t get offended. Don’t do that. Use them to enhance your texts, to appear smug and sometimes to annoy her. You can reply with just the emojis doing a little text-push – meaning you’re too lazy to write anything so you just send her “thumbs up” and “that one with sunglasses”. Be sure that you calibrate to a particular girl. If she never uses them – don’t you dare! If she uses or abuses them – it’s okay but make sure you’re still far from her level.

Text conversations showing emoji-push.

How a low investment emoji-push looks like.

Bonus tip – practice texting on Tinder

I’ve recently recommended few guys using Tinder to quickly advance in texting world without any significant downside (other than you might want to meet those girls). I’ve also tried it myself. So far I think it’s worth it. You can be super direct, you can test a lot of ideas and you can learn how to be borderline rude and don’t use any smileys at all. Remember it’s the women’s market – you cannot be tiptoeing. The goal is to get her on a date or at the very least get her number in less than 5 messages. And don’t forget to cancel the date later.

How to do it? Just upload your best pictures or use some hunk’s photos (you’re not going to meet those girls anyway) and then swipe right like a crazy person. The better the photos the more picky you can get. Then either work on being direct or – if you struggle with conversations – use those girls to get better with your stacking phase. Use those first 5 messages to get them off Tinder and then via text/WhatsApp/Messenger stack, banter, joke, laugh at, make them wet, try some sex talk, get them to send you some pictures. You can be pretty bold when you don’t care about them Tinderellas.

Don’t forget to apply what you’ve learned to your regular texting. And then – to review your progress once in a while. That’s how you’ll internalize those texting strategies. And that’s how I’m doing it right now.


Male-female relationships commentator. Also a traveler, adrenaline junkie and, believe it or not, introvert. Still obsessed with working out, coaching daygame and living life to the full.

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