Be Picky – Filter The Girls!
As we were getting to the end of 2016 a look in the rearview mirror is inevitable. In the post about radio silence I’ve mentioned the idea of filtering. As I’ve looked back I realized that it was the theme of my successes and failures this year. When I did bad it was usually because I haven’t filtered a girl based on her obvious qualities. On the other hand with girls I slept with I’d correctly read their intentions – whether they were looking for ONS or casual relationship. The latter happened more than before and 2016 was a year of many very casual and quite long relationships. But that’s the topic for the next week.
Doing filtering unconsciously was my main issue with it. I was just running my game and after the approach/date I thought about progression in the model as well as who that girl wants and what could she possibly be looking for. Sometimes it was obvious – a 30 yo former “model” is definitely not looking for a quick fuck as she a) had plenty of them b) she doesn’t have much time left to lock the “right guy” (beta provider) before she hits the wall. At the same time a 19 yo party girl looking for an adventure won’t be susceptible to my flavor of game that was sharpen on slightly older girls.
As I use to say “I’m too young to fuck young girls regularly”. You should be either their age (bad boy from school) or much, much older (say hello to daddy issues).
It’s far too easy to go out there and just run your game on any given number of girls looking for hook points and collecting numbers that you later throw into the funnel/assembly line. This strategy is almost perfect when you’re starting out or when you’re on a tight schedule in a foreign country. It’s subpar when it comes to upgrading your – for the lack of better word – harem or when you want to optimize time you spend daygaming.
Many guys sometimes get lost in this whole street game and London Daygame Model stuff and focus too hard on the approach, not the dating and seduction that happens later. I get it, approaching a random girl requires balls, it’s the most flashy aspect that you can show and you spend most of the time doing exactly that. Although later stages can be longer individually you won’t have as much of them as approaches (or even half of your numbers). Funnel is a really good description of what happens with your numbers as less and less contacts pass to later stages (texting, 1st date, other dates, LMR at your place, sex).
Spam approaching is just taking massive amount of action without any skill, plan or sense and literally trying to fuck any girl that gives you a number. Don’t do that. Have some respect. And wisdom.
Those later stages will take significant amount of your time if you’re unable to sleep with a girl on a first or second date. I’m not saying texting takes a lot of time but you’ll have to include her in your schedule, date with her few times more (maybe up to a point of a bridge date) if you want to close her. Trying to do that with two or three girls at a time plus seeing your regulars will completely fill up your schedule and start to take a toll on you. If you already enjoy abundance in leads it’s time to move on and start thinking not only in terms of quality and quantity but also about probability.
Not every girl will be ready to go to bed with you. Maybe in her mind you’re not the “fast sex” type of guy, maybe you did something wrong and now you’re applying for a boyfriend role or maybe she’s the one not into fast sex. If you want to make good use of your time you should filter those girls in terms of probability of sex happening fast. It’s good to have a lot of leads as well as very hot ones. But if none of those girls are willing to sleep in you in foreseeable future you’ll waste a lot of your time on many dates to nowhere.
My biggest mistake this year was a young girl I’ve spend four dates with, including three back at my place without a lay. It wasn’t even a LMR thing, I’m pretty sure the girl was just deliberately playing with me (and not in a good way). Of course I should’ve seen that coming but at the time I was sure I’ll sleep with her “next time”. But with hindsight I don’t see many signs of a fast lay. That’s how you calibrate and while it’s not an easy way – it’s the only one. You cannot learn about situations like that just by reading stuff like this blog. You have to experience them.
So how to actually make use of filtering strategy? You have to scan for three things: interest, availability and probability of a fast lay (where she is at the r/K spectrum). Krauser already described how to gauge first two while in set.
If you’re a beginner or you’re having a particularly bad day you won’t be able to think about that consciously so you have to analyze it after the set. Was she engaged physically (kino, sparkling eyes, intense eye contact, whole world disappeared around you, she was visibly happy that you approached her)? If yes – she was interested. Was she engaged socially (reached the hook point, asked questions, pushed conversation forward instead of merely playing along)? If yes – she was available. Pay close attention to uninterested/available time wasters. It’s one way filtering works and it has to be done consciously. The less you think girl was interested and/or available – the less time you should spend chasing her.
As for the probability of a fast lay first you have to ask yourself is this what you want. There are countless variations of what you can do with girls after sleeping with them (and I’m not just talking about sex positions). If you’re leaning toward boyfriend/girlfriend relationships then you’ll be looking for other signs and tells than me looking for another fuck friend or at most a casual relationship. These are not things I find out about during the approach but later on a date(s). Hence the time waste and my shift to actively looking for those qualities even during the initial conversation, texting or the first date at worst.
In my experience girls that have boyfriend or husband of sorts/like to travel – especially alone/do or did drugs/moved a lot as a child/have tattoos or piercings/already realized they’re after the wall/have been recently dumped/are visiting the city for just a moment are far more likely to have casual sex.
On the other hand girls that are near the wall (especially those ex-models)/just finished their studies/moved from a small town/live on their own/have always been in long relationships/are insecure/have been hurt or cheated on/are virgins/are conservative tend to look for more serious types of relationships, including those – yuck – monogamous.
It’s never an easy tell neither it’s binary – every girl will be a little column A, a little column B. You have to indirectly or directly find out about those things. And then you can use your findings to decide whether or not that girl is worth pursuing for your particular purposes. When your expectations are far off you’ll only waste your precious time. You can also consider that lead done and pull off something ridiculous just to learn more.
Note everything you can. If you’re keeping track of the numbers – note her score on looks (obviously), her interest in you, availability and where you think she’s on the r/K spectrum. Don’t be anal about it but it should help you decide on strategy with that particular girl.
All these qualities and their meaning isn’t anything new. I was always probing for them on dates but I’ve never paid enough attention and only recently started to let them dictate my next steps. I recall two girls I’ve dated this year that were somewhere around 28-29, former models about to hit the wall. You could easily tell they were looking for a serious relationship, maybe a beta husband. That alone made it hard for me. But the fool I was I run my usual sex adventure game whereas probably those times playing it slower with more dread game would work better. It would still be a very long shot that would’ve maybe got me another date but it was definitely an opportunity lost for learning.
Once you’re experienced enough not to be stressed during an approach (and on the dates) playing all the girls the same way becomes ineffective. It doesn’t teach you enough. Instead learn how to calibrate according to that specific type of girl and try to avoid scaring her off by showing qualities that aren’t considered desirable by her. Or – if you’re just too different – don’t bother with her. If you’re at that level you already should be optimizing.