London Daygame Model – Stop
I’m currently on vacation and during that time I’ll torture you from a hot and sunny place with an introduction to London Daygame Model. Those posts are scheduled so while I won’t be able to reply to the e-mails regularly (and to the comments at all) I might be able to stay active on Twitter. That’s for the status report.
London Daygame Model is a clearly defined interaction pattern that was designed to help clueless guys like former me understand the dynamics of street interactions. And by that i mean picking up girls away from the loud clubs and dark bars.
LDM is a blueprint. It’s easy to teach and it allows you to compare your interactions to the idealized model one. This also means that in time you’ll discard some of the rules and make your own but you’ll still use LDM as a scaffolding. You also have to remember that nothing is predictable and one time a single phase takes 2 minutes but there are times when you’re done with it in just 5 seconds.
LDM was created by daygame.com guys (that includes Andy Yosha, Yad, Jon Matrix, Tom Torero) and was extensively used and developed by other guys, Nick Krauser being my biggest influence.
If there is one thing that doesn’t change no matter the level of experience is the stop. And I don’t mean that you have to do the little dance called the Yad stop for the rest of your lives. I’ve seen Nick Krauser stopping girls in ways that would made hardcore Yad fans have a heart attack. Me “stopping” a girl looking at shoes in a shop is also totally different. But they all have the same elements. Sometimes they are brief and sometimes they are elaborate.
To stop and engage a girl in a conversation you need to: make her notice you, grab her attention, explain the situation, tell her a low value compliment and then immediately launch into the Stacking so she won’t just say “thank you” and leave.
Make her notice you
That’s the most underrated and overlooked part of any interaction with a stranger. She has to see you first, otherwise you’ll scare her. That’s why you can shout, clap, run after (like in Yad stop), wave your hand – whatever you need to do to make her look at you. And when she looks make sure you’re already looking into her eyes and smile/smirk. Far too many guys I’ve been coaching run after a girl, run past her and then turn around. That’s weird. That’s unnatural. And it makes the approach tougher than it should be.
Grab her attention
You grab her attention by planting yourself in front of her and saying a line that she won’t even process. So it can be the old “Excuse me, can I say you something really quickly?” as well as “Hello, girl in a red dress!”. The purpose of this isn’t to get any sort of reaction out of the girl. It’s to transition her from “hey, there’s a guy running/walking towards me” to “hey, that guy wants something from me”.
Remember that the whole Stop phase lasts few seconds at best. So it all should be smooth, rehearsed and you should appear confident. Experience helps.
Explain the situation
You cannot just ask her for her number. She’ll decline or at the very least she’ll flake later. The same way you cannot just start having a conversation with a stranger without explaining what just happened (and what’s going to happen). Even in countries where people are generally open and with girls that are being approached every now street pickup still isn’t common.
The explanation doesn’t need to be elaborate. “You’ve just walked past me”, “I noticed you from over there”, “I was waiting for a friend there and there and couldn’t help myself but to chase you”. Make your own line, don’t just copy whatever you’ve heard or read on the Internet (this blog included). As you can see from the examples – just stating the obvious is enough. Especially in high pressure situations like inside a shop (“I know it’s the lingerie section but I couldn’t help to notice you…”).
Tell her the compliment
The compliment. Ah, what a pain in the ass to get it just right. English language is better suited as you have a lot of options that include “cute”, “nice”, “adorable”, “sweet”, “lovely”, etc. Avoid words like “beautiful”, “gorgeous”, “astonishing”. Best compliments are low value and open – so she can think “oh, he noticed my nice legs” as well as “oh, he noticed my nice outfit”.
Of course the more natural the whole sentence the better. Even if it’s carefully crafted over hundreds of approaches to sound natural. What matters is that you don’t pretend to have a “great opener” or try to “sweep her off her feet”. Also – don’t say robotic lines in the voice of Arnold Schwarzenegger. “Noticed you. You cute. Give me number.”
If you want to stop someone walking (e.g. a hot girl) imagine you’re trying to catch a good but long unseen friend of yours. Assume familiarity. Avoid touching too soon. Don’t scare anyone.
I’ve already written how to create and learn the opener. It’s possible through repetition and “muscle memory”. The same goes with the stop. The most common error is avoiding eye contact from the very first moment you set your foot after that one girl. Oh, and waiting too much for “perfect moment to approach”. It only makes everything awkward.
All this happens quickly. If you think it’s overanalyzed, too complicated and too nerdy then you’re probably right. But most beginners fail on little details that make girls more friendly. If they get wrong too many things the girl will be creeped out. So dissecting the stop and learning every single bit is – for now – the only way known to me to get the grasp of it and actually start getting positive reactions. And if you’ve got positive reaction from a girl then you’re more likely to have a proper conversation with her. Which leads us to next phase – Stacking. Stay tuned.