Oneitis – The Cause, The Cure

Bride and her girl friends on a wedding.

Oneitis is a disease of heart and mind that attacks men of any age. Suddenly they lose their mind for “that one girl”. As with many syndromes there are two forms – acute and chronic but they both have similar symptoms. Thankfully, there is one proven cure for every kind of oneitis.

Acute form is much more popular. Apparently all the time guys meet girls that are “totally different than all other” and “exactly their type”. And they can’t let go of such special snowflake nor they want to lose her. So because she’s extraordinary they want to take it slow. They don’t want to scare her off so they revert to their beta tactics that never scared any girl. What they don’t remember that those tactics have never get them any girl either…

If you’re thinking that girl you’ve never dated is different then you’re on a fast track to catching oneitis.

Chronic oneitis is far worse but thankfully less common. Guys are either in friendzone without any means or hopes for escaping it (because there are none) or in relationships where the girl lost all respect for them. In both cases they still think that she is in some way special and better than all other girls and that this is the best possible situation for them. They look for “safe” ways to improve their life but offending or neglecting the girl is off the table as well is doing something for yourself. Clueless guys in relationships even propose in hopes that something will change… But won’t.

The single cause of oneitis is simply not having other options. Of course she’s a special snowflake when she’s the only one there “for you” (and she’s not – she’s disgusted by your neediness). You have no one to compare her to. She’s the best because there are no other competitors. She also gives you most attention of all the girls you pursue (that is – one). You mistake kindness with attraction and politeness with interest. How the hell you’re supposed to know which is which without any reference points?

Guys with oneitis tend to assume they’re in a better situation than they really are.

I understand one thing. If I was starving while travelling by night and found out an open McDonald’s I would swear that it’s the best food ever. Only because it’s there and it’s warm. But when I’m hungry in the city center I won’t even notice a fast food joint. I’d either go home and cook something or pick the healthiest possible restaurant. Or a safe choice like steak. But there are always plenty of people in McDonald’s. And there are lot of guys clung tightly to their “one” without even noticing anyone else.

Bride and her girl friends on a wedding. Marriage - the ultimate oneitis.

Some see “the one”. Others see many girls.

There are millions of girls that you’d find attractive if you’d only look around. No one will believe that you’ve found your “perfect match”  in your class or at your work. Not only because “perfect” doesn’t exist. But what are the odds of finding the best girl out of all the millions out there in a classroom of 30 people? In a company of 200? In a town of 40 thousand? Give me a break. It’s bullshit and everyone knows that. But… But… But… “it’s not only about beauty! She’s special”.

The acronym AWALT (All Women Are Like That) isn’t that popular without reason. Every girl has a potential for doing naughty things, cheating, sleeping around and acting on her urges. There are different thresholds for every women – it depends on her current mood, how she feels, how handsome is the guy, what are the chances of someone finding out, even when was the last time she had sex. Yes, some girls will never be in a position where their threshold will be met. But to say that she doesn’t have any threshold at all is preposterous. She’s not special, she’s not even one of a kind. She’s a girl and there are tons of them everywhere.

Sadly, most of the time it’s like talking to a wall. Guys without experience or game are scared that they won’t find anyone better. So they stick with what they know. And no one will change them unless they themselves realize that they are unhappy and want more out of life. And the cure for oneitis if fairly simple – have more options.

I’ve never met a guy that got oneitis while having few fuck friends.

It’s easier said than done but even most chodey guys can somehow manage to go out on a date once in a blue moon and find themselves a girlfriend. The problem is that they stop doing that once they’re “in relationship”. The other problem is that they don’t date many girls before settling on one. They never experienced what having few girls ready to come over to your place does for your vibe and mind. Once you’ll realize you can sleep with many girls all the oneitis bullshit disappears.

First, you learn that you’re capable of seducing girls. Maybe you’re not good with it. Maybe you can date a girl a month. Still that should free you from the fear of “not finding anyone else, ever”. It’ll take time, sure, but you can do this. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it’s a one night stand. If you’re a beginner – most of the times it’s a disaster. But you’re no longer the guy who can’t get girl at all.

And if somehow you manage to date and sleep with few girls at one time (or even date others while you’re sleeping with just one) you’ll realize that – surprise, surprise – no girl is perfect. They all have their flaws. One is really cute and willing to cook and the other one is absolutely wild in bed. The third one would be perfect but she’s married so as a cheating girl you cannot possibly think of her as more than a fuck friend. We’re back at the food court in the mall – you’ve learned that there are other restaurants and you’re checking them out, one by one. Some of them are tasty but unhealthy, others are too expensive to become your staple. But now you look at the McDonald’s with disgust. “How could I ever thought it was the best food around?”

There are guys that are offended by mere notion of sleeping with another girl while being in relationship. Their girls aren’t that thoughtful. They sleep around. But let’s extend an olive branch to guys that don’t want to cheat. You can still flirt, chat, date and see other girls. You can still compare your “one” with tens of other girls. Take their numbers, ask them out for a coffee or a drink. If you don’t want – don’t go any further.

But remember that most of the girls and many of the guys won’t stop there.


Male-female relationships commentator. Also a traveler, adrenaline junkie and, believe it or not, introvert. Still obsessed with working out, coaching daygame and living life to the full.

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