5 Ways To Trigger Buyer’s Remorse (And How To Avoid Them)
Buyer’s remorse – a sense of regret after having made a purchase. It can occur because someone persuaded you to buy something other than you wanted or that you yourself realized that it isn’t what you hoped for or needed. Of course you can never know beforehand that you’re going to experience that. It’s a reflection on what’s already happened.
In dating context that term is used to describe girls that realized that sex with you (or the casual relationship) was not what she wanted. Given that for women their current emotional state dictates their reason it’s not so uncommon for them to feel regret. Many times sex happens “in the moment” where there isn’t much thinking going on. Thoughts come afterwards and sometimes they’re not good. Those situations are manageable but it’s best to avoid creating that state whenever possible. I always try to see daygame as a win-win for everyone involved.
Leave the girls better than you’ve found them. It will keep you sane in the long term.
There are few mistakes that you will probably make along your daygame journey. More in the beginning and less when you become advanced and experience true abundance. All that just because you’ll be sending less mixed signals. And those mixed signals are precisely what triggers the buyer’s remorse. The most common mistakes are listed below:
#1 Pretending to be her boyfriend (while being a player)
Every girl that you see from cold approach, whether it’s daygame or nightgame, will be somewhat uncertain about your goal (and rightly so). She’ll suspect that you’re a player and you just want to have sex with her. Some will express those doubts by joking that you’re “doing this all the time”, “seeing a lot of other girls” and commenting on text messages on your phone “that’s probably your other lover”. Some girls however will be silent and will just follow your lead – if you present yourself as a boyfriend she’ll assume you’ll be her boyfriend. If you play a womanizer’s role – she’ll see you as one.
Now the problem is when you’re acting like a future husband and father of her children just to get some action. Not every girl wants to have a relationship but also not all of them will be ok with casual sex. Those who are more serious at this moment will be rightly infuriated when they discover that it was just a facade. Especially if you play along her monogamous relationship fantasy and break the illusion just after you two had sex. And even if you do it later she’ll still feel being lied to.
The best way around that problem is to never ever pretend to be someone you’re not. If your goal is to have casual sex with many girlfriends then don’t deny that you’re a player. Play along her jokes. Say things like “Yes, I’m addicted, I flirt with girls every day” in response to her accusations. “I have a girlfriend for every day. You are Miss Monday”. You might say these are “just jokes” but it’s more than that. She understands that you’re telling the truth in a way that isn’t overt. It’s a “you know that I know that you know” situation. Don’t you ever dare to explain yourself in a rational way.
Being honest about being a player can result in losing some girls but you will also gain those that aren’t interested in anything serious and could be scared off by your boyfriend act.
#2 Pushing things way too fast (without comfort)
This one applies to really fast lays that happen on first date (or even first day). Sometimes the girl is especially vulnerable (e.g. recently dumped by her boyfriend), had a few drinks, feeling adventurous, being on a vacation or any other reason. She decides to “see what will happen” only to discover herself waking up next to you in your apartment. Most girls that end that way have a history of doing that longer than… Well, they have history. However, sometimes you encounter a first-timer. And – from what I’ve heard – things can get ugly.
I’ve never been in such a situation but I’ve been close. What saved me was my non-judgmental stance and providing comfort in the morning. Basically you want to behave like nothing big happened – two people that were into each other slept together, had some fun and now they’re having breakfast. Make it as comfortable for her as possible without discussing the whole situation in detail. Remember that women follow – when you’re not making fuss out of it, she should be calm too.
#3 Not dumping the girl (properly)
Seeing many girls mean that you will have to drop those that became too clingy, boring or you’ve just lost all the interest for them. Fortunately some relationships will end naturally with decreasing frequency of contact right until you don’t see nor write to each other. But there are girls that will fall for you. And with those you have to deal – you have to break up with them.
Going silent with a girl who developed feelings for you can result in a very long and painful process of letting go. You don’t want to experience that, you want to cut all ties, explain the situation and then go radio silent. If it was something serious I recommend face to face meeting but if it was a clear fuck friend situation – a call or even text should be enough. Or just stop seeing her, then when she asks why that happened explain that you’re not going to see each other anymore. That can also do the trick.
And if she keeps texting you – ignore. There is no point in engaging in any drama.
#4 Rubbing other girls into her face (not literally)
Even if she knows that you see other girls that doesn’t mean there should be used condoms everywhere in your apartment, bras on chandelier and pictures of other girls on your walls. If it’s going on for a while then it’s already hard for her to know that she’s not only one. There is no point in reminding her every single date that you’re a player. If you’re flaking on her you really don’t have to say you’re seeing other girl that time. She already suspects that.
Managing few casual relationships is an art in itself and it’s twice as hard once you see more than 3 regular girls. If you cannot handle all that consider dropping some of them just to give yourself more room to grow (and do daygame).
#5 Not doing anything besides sex (literally)
My every relationship that lasted more than a few hookups wasn’t just about sex. I did various things with all those girls – whether it’s cooking together, riding a bike, watching movies, dining in fancy places, traveling or whatever you can think of. Of course each time we saw each other we’ve ended in bed (or elsewhere). We both knew what this relationship was about but that’s no reason to avoid doing fun things together.
Once you meet with a girl you’re sleeping with and the evening doesn’t end in sex – you’re in a serious relationship.
Some girls don’t want nor need that. They just want sex and it’s fine. But I’d say it’s much more common for girls to expect some other activities. It’s the same with staying over – I’ve got girls that very much like Cinderella ran out before midnight but more often than not they wanted to stay for the night. Focusing solely on sex and throwing them out after a wild evening can trigger some of those who don’t want to feel, well, slutty.
|The City Daygame’s screenshot that started a heated exchange on Twitter and later – a nice discussion and finally – this post.|
Outcomes in all those situations can range from a girl being sad, telling you to fuck off to a big outrage followed by many threats, accusations and swearwords. I started as a nice guy and I’ve certainly been guilty few times of #1 (and few more of #3). I’ve never got hard blowback in those situations but they made me feel uneasy.
Thankfully I quickly became more of a player and the problem went away as currently there is no way any girl doubts that I see other girls. They know that or at the very least – feel that. It’s deeply ingrained in me and I simply cannot act differently.
It’s better to avoid the buyer’s remorse. In that moment you knew she wanted you but it always feels better when girl says “I don’t know what happened – I couldn’t resist… But I’m glad I did it.” than “I don’t know what happened I SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE THAT OMG WHAT HAVE I DONE”…