What Are You Babbling About?!

Girl with a red hair and a tattoo on her shoulder.

Picking up girls is tricky. Both daygame and nightgame are packed with hundreds of traps that beginner and intermediate guys fall into. Most of them can be put into one box named “playing too safe” (“being too nice”) but some of the daygame pitfalls are even more subtle. That’s why we need both our own and reference experience.

Few guys I’ve been coaching lately had tendency to talk with the girls about things that they’ve thought might be interesting… for the girls. That’s dangerous on many levels. You’re talking about something you don’t have vast knowledge of. You are not acting natural. You are not interested in the conversation. You are not qualifying the girl. No wonder those topics usually crash the conversation.

It all begins in your head. Are you trying to pick up the girl (that is – impress her) or are you qualifying her (checking whether she’s good enough for you).

If you’re trying to sneak up into girl’s pants using some sleazy tricks then you’d probably think that talking about “girly” things is a good idea. But as it usually turns out – the opposite is true. By building your attractiveness on getting her to talk about the topics that you’re interested in you’re making her invest and you draw her into your world. And if she’s drawn in – you’ve already done a lot.

On the other hand trying to sneak into her world and then build your attractiveness puts you up in a weak position. She knows more about her topics (you’ll appear dumber), she can see that you’re not really interested in it (you don’t have the balls to do what you want), she already talked about that million times so you’re not someone different and finally – you don’t challenge her on any level.

Qualify girls while at the same time showing your value. If you’re into high risk sports and adrenaline – introduce that topic, see if she fits your idea of a cool girl. If you like to travel – assume she does too and let her confirm/deny. If you play an instrument – change topic to music, see what she has to offer in that department. You’ll appear like a guy who not only is attractive and has a lot of things going on in his life but also isn’t easily impressed by sheer beauty. That’s big part of “you’re hot but what else” mindset.

Girl with a red hair and a tattoo on her shoulder.

I don’t think it’s a good moment to introduce your recent Magic: the Gathering tournament victory… It never is.

If you feel like joking about her being an assassin then you can discuss various ways of disposing the bodies. I just hope you’re not talking from experience.Also remember that the pickup, especially Spiking and Vibing phases (in London Daygame Model), are far from logical. If you’re flirting about nothing in particular you’re usually doing great. If you try to be serious and “seduce” by talking about boring topics – you’ll have much harder time. Not that it can’t be done but it’s far from being efficient.

Thankfully all the guys quickly saw the difference between forced conversation/unknown topic/trying to interest the girl versus good reactions where they were chatting in a manner interesting to both parties. If you cannot muster up any passion for current trends in fashion – don’t talk about it.

You will make better assumptions and stories when you talk about something familiar. It’s easy to be creative and hold a conversation when you’re experienced. The same goes for humble-bragging or making fun of things you know about.

I can talk for a long time about running but not about fencing. Luckily more girls run than fence so I can use that topic quite often when discussing sport. What it also mean is that I never mention fencing (or any other sport I don’t have any idea about) first. If that’s her thing – sure, I can talk about that for a while and move to something else. But I won’t introduce that topic.

I’m not saying you should pick up hobbies that are possible conversation topics. That would be stupid. You just need to pick the right subject for the right girl (also known as calibration). If the girl is a sporty type – talk about whatever you’re familiar with and then get back to her. Let her expand on that, maybe she was an athlete in the past, maybe she’s just a girl obssesed with healthy lifestyle, maybe she’s prepping for a vacation. Follow up leads.

Remember that whatever you’re talking about it should be also about her. Pick topics to which she can relate.

Last but not least – always get back to her. Especially if you’re telling a short story then let her relate to it or even directly ask for similar experiences. You can’t be talking about yourself. Like I’ve said many times – she only needs to know two-three things about you. More important is that she has to feel good in your presence and you make that happen by listening, not by talking. Ideally you get good vibes and rapport but the latter is easier to build later. Without attraction there will be no future contact.

The biggest challenge is to talk about things you’re familiar with but in the context of her and her life. The standard daygame learning mechanism applies: after each and every approach think for a while how could you spun this conversation better. Because you really should want to master the craft of getting her to open about herself – it makes your approaches so much easier.

tddaygame
 

Daygamer, traveler, adrenaline junkie. Obssessed with working out, coaching daygame and living life to the full.

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