Boundaries And The Power Of Self-Respect
My dating life slowed down during the summer. Not only there are less girls on the streets of Warsaw but I’m also fed up with timewasters. I filter girls more and find myself harder to impress. Of course that backfired in having less dates. But the girls I’m dating right now are much fun to be around. Even though I’ve recently nexted a very promising gal who didn’t care to confirm the date that she herself had proposed. That’s not a big deal and you shouldn’t react emotionally but her explanation was that she “didn’t have time to text”. If I wasn’t worth 10 seconds of her time then fuck her (figuratively). That action started a train of thought which in turn stopped right at the beginning of this post.
Some guys are too weak and craving for new pussy the others are too harsh and emotional. What both of those groups have in common is that they blow out girls they could lay for the same reason. That reason are the boundaries. For some these are virtually nonexistent whereas others set them up too close. If you’re a spineless blob that accepts whatever the girl is doing even if it’s offending you’ll lose attractiveness quickly. On the other hand making a big deal out of something as common as a flake and calling the girl names is lack of self-control. That leads to losing girls just because of short temper.
Remember that usually you will be more willing to compromise when dealing with hotter girls and more harsh towards your usual range. Pay attention to that and ask yourself: how would I react if she were a 7 instead of a 9?
Guys that tend to overreact to everything usually have some anger management issues or heavily inflated ego. The latter is a problem of its own and many successful PUAs can be diagnosed with that condition. Both beginners and intermediates can also think they deserve more girls and of course only the hottest. If you’re blowing off most girls away because of stupid shit they all do you’re just wasting your time. The goal is to have both sex and self-respect. Your lays will tell you the truth. If you’re scoring only girls within your SMV range or not many girls at all despite getting a lot of attraction on the streets and during the dates chances are you’re overreacting.
There is no clear way to tell what you should allow but asking your friends/wings can be a good starting point. When you describe the situation and meet with shocked looks and shaking heads – analyze this. Was it really lack of respect or maybe you were pushing too hard demanding too much too soon? She won’t cancel all her other plans just to meet you. And if you think she definitely should – then maybe you should’ve done better impression during your approach? Now you have to work with what you’ve got and remember to listen to her actions, not her words.
To gauge whether you should feel offended or not just look at her choice. If she cancelled the date because she’s sick or her boss is making her work late that’s far from ideal but at least it’s understandable (health/work vs. random guy). On the other hand if she’s “not feeling like it” or she provides no explanation at all you’ve probably lost to an evening to Netflix. Same goes for the lack of contact. If she is a flight attendant don’t expect her to reply to your texts every minute. But if she’s at home, it’s been raining like hell and she still replies two days later you are simply not important to her.
Contrary to “Brad Pitt theory” girl shouldn’t react to you like she would for [insert a celebrity’s name here]. Only for “yes girls” you’ll be their highest priority. Initial daygame interaction is 5 to 10 minutes so you have to consider her friends and family who she knew far longer than you. On the other hand there are certain types of behavior that reeks disrespect: flaking without an explanation, not answering to your texts for days, repeated last minute cancelations.
Guys without boundaries on bullshit (BoB) don’t see these things as a lack of respect from the girl. They still cling to hope that she will meet them one day. That comes from not having enough experience (they don’t know how a healthy male-female relationship looks like) and not having other options (if you have only one number on your short list you are more forgiving). Both of these issues can be taken care with a simple solution of more action. When you have more girls to choose from you’ll be less willing to put up with their crazy behavior. You will have your boundaries clearly drawn.
Meeting with a girl on her terms is a disaster waiting to happen. You should be the one holding the frame and she should be the one jumping through your hoops. If she misbehaves – withdraw.
At the same time you’re developing abundance you need to inflate your self-respect. Especially when dealing with girl you have be careful not to agree to everything. Even better – make her agree to your propositions. Consider her every request as something that’s designed to strip you of your value. Whether it’s rescheduling a date, being late or not playing along write some minus points on an imaginary table. To make her regain that value she should be complying with you. For example if she flaked next time you’re inviting her over tell her to bring a wine for the date. If she pissed you off – go off radar. If she’s interested she should be more attracted by that and you’ll have the time to assess what just happened. When everything else fails – tell her directly that she’s acting like a little bitch.
Of course it will make you lose some girls. But what most guys don’t see is that the girl who can’t spare 10 seconds to reply to your text most definitely won’t sleep with you anytime soon. And as we all know the more you wait for sex, the less it is worth.
Having dated more than 150 girls just from daygame I clearly see that the lack of everyday respect is strongly tied to lack of interest. Even when she’s texting you all the time but doesn’t respect you as a man you’re doomed. It’s wiser and more time efficient to pursue interested girls instead of every single lead. My current strategy is to go after those who are already attracted and try to attract the others. That doesn’t necessarily mean dating – I no longer want to waste time on timewasters. Either try to spike things up via texting or go get better leads.
Judging from latest events I’ll say that blowing off a girl because of her lack of respect can be a wonderful feeling when you explain to her what she did wrong. Don’t kid yourself – she won’t change. But you’ll realize that you’re no longer that thirsty guy who puts up with crazy girls just to get laid. That gives you power and confidence for future encounters. You should be feeling glad that you’ve finished that relation and made some space for other girls in your life. But beware! If you’re feeling vicious then there is a big chance you’re letting your emotions get the better of you. As with everything in daygame (and in life) – calmness and self-control is the key.