Turn Of The Tide! Paradigm Shift! Life Changing Event!
Bunch of big slogans in the title, so you know it’s going to be a total mental masturbation post. I’ve recently tweeted a shower thought (and we all know where “shower” thoughts come from) about changes that happen in man’s life. This blog covers how much I’ve changed. Some of my friends did too. Yet there are far too many stuck in a rut.
There are no life changing events. If you want to change yourself and/or your life you have to put in a lot of time and effort.
Story time. More than three months ago I was stupid enough to accept a fine for speeding on a motorcycle which resulted in me losing driver’s license for three months. Given I’ve just changed my bike for a bigger/newer/faster it was major pain in the ass. I’m not that stupid as to go rogue on public roads. Any accident and my insurance wouldn’t cover a single scratch.
Of course I went through the usual “five stages of grief” that have resulted in doing a shitload of things just to fill my weekends. I did whatever I could to stay away from unusually motorcyclish Warsaw. I haven’t realized it back then but it was the beginning of “glass half full” mindset I currently enjoy.
During that time I’ve felt that part of me was missing. I’ve felt like a fraud when I was identifying myself as a rider. Of course I’ve future projected that I’d take the girls for a ride (“Phrasing!”) but something was missing. The more time passed the less I could identify that missing part.
Two trips to the Ukraine later I was so close to having my license back. I was just about to jump on a 700 km long trip that included a visit to the Polish equivalent of the DMV (not to be confused with DHV). I’ve put on my leathers, took the bike for first ride in 90 days and…
Nothing has changed. It wasn’t a big moment in my life. Just like when I’ve lost the license nothing really happened (despite chemicals in my brain making me act angry for few days). I was stupid to think that such a minor thing would change anything. Because, in the immortal words of Doctor House, “people don’t change”. They just go back into their old habits and routines, going on with their lives as usual forgetting about their revelations. That is, unless they start working towards changing themselves.
When I’ve first decided that I’ll become a womanizer I had the target idea of myself in my mind. I just had to figure out a way to get there. Once I was on the path there was no single paradigm shift. Step after step I’ve molded my new self. Most of the time I was unaware that anything changes at all though of course friends and family surely did comment.
When you’ll get your first daygame lay / first foreign girl / first virgin / first whatever notice the suspicious lack of fulfillment. It comes earlier when you realize that “this is going to happen” (“I’m capable of doing this!”) not when you actually stick your dick in her.
In time I’ve become more open, I started to get dates, not just numbers. Then I’ve moved to lays. I want to say that I remember clearly my first daygame lay but it wouldn’t be true. I remember the girl, vaguely the date but I also recall that few weeks before that after tens of dates I realized that I can be “that guy”. Or better yet – that I’ve become the guy who picks up girls during the day and date them. It was just a matter of time that I would’ve become a guy who sleeps with many girls. The feeling after that lay was more of “of course I did it”.
But all these realizations you can only see in the rearview mirror. You don’t “level up” like in some role playing game where you can change multiple things at once and suddenly become better. The reason many people fail is they try to change too many things. Wardrobe, body image, confidence, job, habits, diet, hobbies, social skills, etc.
I have a different tactic – every now and then I try to do things that some time ago were outside my comfort zone. I check if they’re outside today. And maybe I’m no longer afraid to do them and the only thing I need to do is to try…
That continues to this day. In the last few months I’ve bought clothes and accessories I wouldn’t even consider a year ago. I’ve done unplanned return trip to a foreign city just to see few girls (which should be against my responsible budged and careful plans but fuck that). I’m starting my own business, getting even more shredded, writing more than ever and coaching guys from all over the world. And each day I find more things within reach of my extended comfort zone. My current mindset is a simple “fuck, let’s do this”.
The journey is more important than the goal. That is cliché but it’s true. The direction is of utmost importance and you have to know where you’re heading. But arriving at the finish line of a marathon within seconds from your target time shouldn’t surprise you. In fact, you should’ve known how will it end three hours earlier – at the start. That is confidence – knowing that you’ll succeed.
Of course sometimes you’ll injure yourself, the weather will suck or you’ll get sick. You won’t make new personal record. But those hiccups aren’t important. What’s important is that you’ve built yourself a system to succeed. If not that run, then the next one. Your mind is calm, your are confident because you know what you’re capable of.
Back to the daygame – knowing you can get a lot of numbers and go on a lot of dates is something that makes you confident. You aren’t surprised each time you get laid (or at least – you shouldn’t be). You have abundance. You don’t have to have a lot of girls on rotation, you just have to know that in finite amount of time with 100% likelihood you can get a hot girl.
Oh, and what about all those people who don’t change? They focus on goals instead of the journey. Smartest thing you can do is to set yourself up in no position to fail. Always think long term. If failures/rejections today are making you successful in the future – you’re progressing. You are changing, bit by bit.
If you do one thing each week that you’ve considered outside your comfort zone then imagine what would happen after a year. Imagine that and start doing new things. And as always – approach hot girls.