Attraction Basics: Voice & Statements

Girl holding a smartphone.

Attraction Basics” series is based on things we all need to fix before we hit the streets. This one however will be an issue only after you open your mouth. It’s your voice.
What’s sexier – deep booming bass or high pitched squeak? It’s obvious. You should learn how to speak low, preferably at all times. The best tool for that? Record yourself during interactions (use your phone – hidden in your pocket or with wired/Bluetooth headset). In most cases you will not be happy with what you hear.

Many guys, on top of other problems with their voice, are nervous around hotties and can’t control themselves. But working on your voice isn’t any different than working on any other part of you. So the moment you’ll start to realize you’re making mistakes you can start correcting them. Then try to fake confidence. Speak loudly and clearly. When you speak slow your pitch usually is lower. You can give it a little more bass just by trying to sound “manly” but do not overdo this (or do it at all).

This time don’t bother with practicing at home – record yourself on the streets as that’s where the stress kicks in and messes you up. You never speak in high voice when you’re with your friends. I hope.

Three most common issues with one’s voice while speaking to a hot girl are:
not speaking loud enough (do you have to repeat your sentences or lean forward?),
supplicating tone (does your pitch goes higher at the end of a sentence?),
talking too fast (you don’t even have to check this one – everyone is speaking too fast when they’re excited).

Do a post-flight check for those things and rate yourself in each category. The real game-changer will still be listening to your own recordings. You really won’t be ready for what you’re about to hear. That’s why sessions with wireless microphones are so beneficial. Your coach/wing will hear each and every mistake and mercilessly report them back to you.

Girl holding a smartphone.

Everyone nowadays is carring a microphone in his pocket. Just don’t try to record the video while talking to a girl.

Little mistakes will include using filler words (“uh”, “um”), signs of admiration (“Wow!”, “Cool!”) and nervous laugh (no, it’s not your “cool laugh”). In each case silence or a nod are much better option. A bland “ok” also can cover most of those situations.
One thing that many people struggle to grasp is the way to open with a question that sounds like a statement. You say the question (for example the standard “Can I say to you something really quickly?”) using intonation of a statement. Try that now – it’s not that hard. You’ll sound like you expect the answer to be “yes” thus showing confidence. Mind you that there might be no answer coming from the girl – just assume she agrees and carry on.

The same goes for saying your opener/compliment/initial stack. Don’t finish with a full stop or the girl will say “thank you” and go away. Pause as if you’d like to continue.

Equally good “voice” topic is avoiding questions altogether. I strongly encourage everyone to take a few days of challenge where for the first 1-2 minutes of the approach you don’t ask any questions at all.

Some questions can be avoided using a simple trick – instead of asking her something just look for confirmation of a positive answer. For example instead of “Do you speak English?” you might start with “I hope you speak English” line.

As for the rest of the conversation you should learn how to make assumptions. Those sentences are used extensively when you talk to your friends or family. You’re not making interview with your best friend and you shouldn’t do so with a hot girl.

So don’t ask questions of doom like “what do you do?” or “where are you going?”. You can always answer them by yourself. Instead of “what are you doing?” look at her and think of an answer. If she has a gym bag on her arm then “You look like you’re going to the gym.” is what I call a level 1 assumption. It’s just boring answer to an unasked question. Not great but much, much better than “Are you going to the gym?”.

Twist that and you’ll get something better – something that will give the girl an easy way to respond. “You look tired but happy, like you’re just going home after a crazy workout at the gym.” Let’s call that level 2. Add some more to that and you’ll have a short assumption story (level 3): “You have a big grin on your face and a gym bag on your arm. I bet you’re one of those crazy instructors that just enjoy making people feel pain and you’re about to teach a particularly lazy class”. Boring? Not anymore. No hook for her to continue the conversation? Not at all…

Similar thing can be done with DHV-ing or “humble-bragging”. You don’t mention the thing you want to brag about but make an unfinished/vague statement that just makes her ask. When she says that she stopped playing piano when she was a teenager you can say something in line of “Most of my friends that played something as a kid are hating their instruments. That’s why I’m glad I just started two years ago.” You think she won’t ask a follow up?

But now I’m getting too far from the basics in “Attraction Basics“. So: if you manage to be conscious of your voice during the interactions then you can correct yourself in real time. If not – record or rate yourself and be more aware next time.

Talking too fast takes most time to eradicate but it doesn’t need special work – you just need to become more used to the whole idea of approaching during the day and in time – less excited. Speaking too soft and quiet on the other hand is hardest – guys are afraid of the spotlight effect (people hearing the conversation) or saying something stupid. Both things are nothing to be afraid of. Either go and approach in really quiet places where everyone can hear you (to desensitize yourself) or in a really loud environments (so you’ll have to speak loud).

And that’s it for today! Two more posts to go.


Male-female relationships commentator. Also a traveler, adrenaline junkie and, believe it or not, introvert. Still obsessed with working out, coaching daygame and living life to the full.

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Anonymous - 2016-07-24

Mark Manson calls Level 1 assumptions 'Cold reads'. I have been using cold reads to open women on Tinder and in public with varying degrees of success. You're method of adding a 'twist' to spice things up changes the way I'll be thinking of openers from now on.


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