Daygame Endgame – Multiple Relationships vs. Monogamy
When I’ve got myself into daygame in the autumn of 2013 I’ve got one goal in my mind: I wanted to be able to find a girlfriend if I ever wanted one. I wanted to know that in few weeks I could approach a number of girls, go on a few dates and then end up with someone. Sounds reasonable, right?
All the issues with that mindset are exactly the same as with any monogamous relationship – you’re dependent on one girl. If you have your life sorted out and if you’re happy with yourself (and willing to walk away if the girl starts to act crazy) then you can be happy regardless of your relationship status. It took me some time to realize that and few daygame lays to be sure that my life is good as it is and I don’t need “a girlfriend” to make me happy. So of course my initial goal didn’t last very long.
The first few casual relationships opened my eyes to the things that I’ve only heard about. That you can be with a girl and meet once a week or so, have sex, do some other cool stuff and there’s no talk of “being together” or even of any “future”. That you can be with multiple girls at once and it’s fine as long as you never display any commitment or infatuation. You can see those girls and go on dates with new ones, replace those who get too attached or are no longer fun to be with and do this over and over again ending up with a number of really great companions.
So after first few daygame lays in 2014 I wanted to have three girls on rotation. That was my new goal which I achieved in May of 2015 and since then I’ve never been seeing less than three girls at once. I became much more aggressive in my approach to daygame and dating. After that May I’ve hardly ever appeared as a boyfriend material to a girl. And that’s good because when I’m not selling myself as a long time partner or a future husband I get girls interested in casual relationships or just sex. Of course I’ve also been experiencing the (in)famous r/K wilderness since then. If you’re not a true 100% womanizer some girls will pick up the incongruities and be suspicious about pursuing any sort of relationship with you. And you can’t blame them.
The problem with having multiple relationships is that you have to have them in order to get the girls that want something casual. “Fake it till you make it” once again. But beware – after a while it’s impossible for you to behave like a guy willing to commit. It’s just so far from what you’re doing that your womanizing tendencies ooze through every pore. Of course you also start to lose the girls that would eventually want a boyfriend. Thankfully there are plenty of women looking for casual relationships and even more of them that are willing to take the risk if you’re really high value.
Girls are more willing to share an alpha dick than to commit to a beta. If you’re open about not being exclusive (and your SMV is high enough) and you’re not making a big deal out of it they won’t care about it too.
I wanted to write down some tips about transitioning from “serial monogamist” to “womanizer” but then I realized that it would be totally worthless without the reference experience. It’s hard to describe what changes inside you when you start to sleep with different girls at once, when you admit to them that you’re sleeping around and they are ok with that, when a girl who is 100% sure that you were banging someone last weekend is making you a nice dinner and cuddles after the sex. It is one thing to hear about these kind of relationships but to experience them it’s a whole different level of internalizing the male-female polarity.
It isn’t easy to become “that guy” but if you really want to – you have to live in abundance. At first comes abundance of numbers and then – dates. Date as much as you possibly can, even if you know that the girl will want a serious relationship. Mind you I’m not advocating using girls (lying to them that you are monogamous) but the more you date the more you become ok with an idea of seeing five different girls in one week. Then after you start to sleep with a girl keep meeting her once every 7-10 days or so. Text her like before – every 2-4 days. Always have sex on your dates – this part is crucial. I believe the first moment a girl starts to think of you as more than a lover is the day you meet, spend some time and don’t have sex.
So keep meeting that girl but also keep dating new ones. Sooner or later you will have more than one girl that you sleep with. And then just continue doing all that remembering that those relationships can last from few weeks to few years but they won’t be forever. So you have to keep replacing your girls and adding new ones, focusing of course on those who are the best (in terms of looks, personality, interests or whatever you’re looking for). And if a girl gives you “the talk” and wants to define the status of your relationship that’s the sign she wants more. In my case – it’s the sign to explain to her that I can’t give her more and that we should end it.
And never, ever, ever be the one to start the talk about the relationship you’re having (or even worse – your feelings). She should understand all that from the way you behave. There should be no need to explain anything.
Some people will say “you can’t live like that forever”, “you have to settle down” but we all know that’s bullshit. The only obligation in life is to live it in a way that makes you happy. You’re not responsible for happiness of anyone else. At the same time I see no point in hurting people around me or in using girls that want a monogamous relationship. For now I’m fine with my life and I’ll continue to live that way. Am I selfish? Yes. And those who gasped in shock should really read something like “No More Mr. Nice Guy” (by Dr. Robert Glover).
As for the “endless grind” argument – most people that are into daygame for at least few years are dedicated enough to not notice the grind. It’s the same thing with any sport – be it running or weightlifting. There are milestones that you want to achieve (like my goal of having three girls on rotation) but the grind never ends. You can never say “I’ve finished all my workouts; I’m done”. There is always way to push yourself harder or in a different direction. If you were training to be lean then you can switch to training for power. Same exercises, same gym, different execution but once again the finish line isn’t even in your sight.
Daygame-wise you can always push for more lays (I think that’s the first stage for almost everyone), then for hotter girls and then for whatever suits your needs. I know guys that want better relationships so they can live/travel/have fun with different girls. Others like to travel on their own but they like to have a girlfriend in every city. Some want to have fast, exciting lays – they are not even collecting the notches but the stories behind them. And yes, there is a large number of guys who want to find a mother for their children. I’ve never had any paternal instinct so I can’t comment on that.
“But soon you will be too old for that”! Thankfully I know few players that are in their forties so I have at least good 10 years to come up with a different goal. But who knows – maybe I won’t need a different one?