Wing Or Be Winged
My latest coaching adventures included few guys that weren’t new to the game. That made me thinking about the institution of a wing/coach (the latter obviously having more experience, the ability to teach and equipment to hear/record the student).
The first big question is: should I daygame solo or with a wing?
The answer is ridiculously simple: daygaming is a solo activity, no one is going to hold your hand or whisper the best lines into your ear. It’s only you and the girl (and the things inside your head). You internalize things much faster when you’re alone on the streets putting some time after each approach into analyzing what just happened.
No to mention that sometimes winged session can turn into ugly race for more numbers. Don’t do that. Leave your ego at home.That being said approach anxiety is a real thing and having a guy next to you to keep your vibe up is really helpful. Best wings actively push hesitant guys into sets so they’re almost a guarantee of doing more sets (or in case of beginners – any sets at all).
Not only that but a wing also sees you, your nonverbals (slouching, leaning in, smiling too little/too much), reaction of the girl and ton of other things. He can give you feedback on the basics and point out areas to work on. If he done his load of work he can push you through some challenges, demo a particular type of stop/opener or pretend to go for a girl you like when you’re hesitating (forcing you to take action).
But there are drawbacks too. You spend a lot of time talking and it’s far too easy to focus on the chat rather than the girls. You can let a girl go thinking she’s not hot enough for your wing while she’s exactly your type. We all have those – girls that are around 7 out of 10 but your friend would be “meh”. Just remember who will be fucking her and go anyway.
What’s even worse you can become wing-dependent. There are many guys that have no problem approaching but only when there’s someone to hold their hand. They just don’t have positive solo reference experience. The cure? Game solo more than you do with a wing. You can count sessions, approaches or even numbers but make sure you do more solo work than winged. Ultimately it’s just you and the hot girl.
What about winging other guys?
Well if they’re your friend and you have some catching up to do or you really want to help that particular guy – do this. He will own you one. Unless you have a really good reasons most of the time you’re just being an enabler for the other guy.
If your daygame skills are higher then ultimately you’ll be slowed down by less able friend. He’ll hesitate more, avoid challenges and hamper your vibe. I found out that if I’m feeling really good none of this affects me as I’m chasing girls left and right anyway. But if my mood is volatile I’m more likely to be drag down.
There is an “easy” counter to all that. Getting a number before you meet said friend really helps. I’m currently on a mission to collect at least two numbers each session so after first one I’m more relaxed, positive and ready to go (and more competitive).
Last but not least – if you’re both at an equal level then competition gets out of hand pretty easily. You’ll be chasing girls and getting numbers but do beware that once someone falls off that wagon he’s going down hard. Ego hurts, negative emotions rise. One will “win” and the other will “lose”. Unless you are really good friends this can hamper your bromance.
I also know a guy or two who can feed off other people vibe. I won’t use the word leech but they suck the positivity you have and even can bounce themselves off your bad feelings. If you’re one of those people – by all means, use others to jump start your game and go solo. Question remains why would they hang out with you in the first place.
So, should I get a coach?
Coaching has more advantages than the wing with all the same issues. You can get addicted to coaching or only pretend to follow the advice being a theory junkie instead. Some people buy every book about game there is but never approach. Others make the same mistakes over and over again despite paying a coach to fix that. You have to work with him to get results. Be active not passive.
The single best way to learn and internalize daygame is by going solo. I stand by that.
Good daygame coach will explain the model to you, demo few sets where you can both see and listen. Then he will actively push you onto girls, listen to your game (for example via wireless microphones), correct all the mistakes, focus on your weaknesses, praise your strengths and provide a summary highlighting the areas to improve.
Sounds like it’s a lot but hey – you’re paying for it and you shouldn’t do it more than once in 3-6 months anyway. During that time you should apply the advice and work on your problems by yourself (that is by daygaming solo). Focus on your weakest areas as specified by the coach. If after that you still have some problems – go for another round or find a different coach. Sometimes just one session is enough to fine tune one’s game and get rid of the problems.
The key advantage of being coached is that he can pinpoint the biggest issues. Usually there’s no need to work on your whole daygame arsenal. As the song goes – “it’s just the little things”. Experienced guy will quickly see what’s the problem and what has to be changed. If you have done tens or better yet hundreds of approaches and you can get numbers then there are never many things to improve. Coach is also a good option for beginners to teach the basics.
You could arrive to the same conclusions all by yourself doing hundreds or thousands of sets, experimenting along the way, keeping diary of what works and analyzing deeply. Game learnt that way would be far more congruent with your personality and you’d understand it better. The only issue is the time – if you have abundance of it, go that way.
Or maybe I should coach others?
That road doesn’t sounds promising but let’s find out what’s ahead. You have to provide all the services described above and obviously you’ve got to be experienced enough. On top of that you should know how to teach. There are many great guys with no ability to pass their knowledge. Especially if they have been good for a long time. If you ever had a teaching/coaching experience (I had) you should be fine as long as you get along with people. And if you’re a daygamer there is a big chance that also will not be an issue.
Many coaches say that if you can lay a new hot girl a month you’re good enough to tell other people how to approach, text and get girls on dates. I’m still working on getting girls to bed part but fortunately the street & texting are solid and with over 2000 sets and almost 150 girls dated under my belt I’m experienced enough to both demo and teach.
What’s interesting about coaching is that you devise theories on the go. All your past practice and the student’s mistakes align and it’s easy to provide quick solutions. If you’re in the moment you should remember those for your private use later. Some of the advice you’re giving you can apply to yourself. After few coaching session you become your own coach – criticizing, pushing further and explaining what happened. Yes, you can learn by teaching.
Coaching is not for everyone. Some students are prepared, they have few sticking points which you can quickly identify and fix. I’m always happy to work with those. Others are stuck somewhere in the beginning and you don’t know why. They need more attention, you’ll try to find what’s in their heads that’s keeping them from succeeding. And it does feel like hard work but if you manage to advance them in their journey – hooray, you feel great! However, it adds another level of emotional turmoil to your already shaken vibe.
The bottom line is – if you can’t go solo – find a wing. If you have a wing – spend most of the time solo. If you can coach others – do that but still be playing solo. And if you need a problem solved fast – hire a coach that specializes in that topic.