The Road To R-Selection
The r/K selection theory is a popular idea that organisms evolve either in favor of high offspring number with low survival rate (r) or low number of offspring but with higher parental investment (K). The r-selected species tend to pick partners with genes that grant survival to the progeny while K-selected go for mates that are best at supporting child. Although as a theory it was superseded by the life history theory (or so I’m told by the Wikipedia) it’s still nice tool to describe dual mating strategies of women.
Bear in mind that it’s just a tool used to explain women behavior. So I guess we are deep in the ‘mental masturbation’ category today.
Let’s apply the r/K idea to women’s mating. They can either go for best genes for their offspring or for the best partner for the family. Unfortunately the latter means that the guy is ultimately in the provider box. He’s main role is not procreation but support and stability. He will get duty sex but there is no excitement that r-selected mate is getting, no wild allnighters, no kinky stuff. On the other hand she will do everything with a r-selected individual for many reasons rolled up into “he’s giving her tingles because biology”. There are many great books and blogs on that topic (and also a nice video here).
What’s worse is that women are following those two strategies simultaneously. They look for, date and marry “nice guys” (K) and sleep with, have sex and cheat with “bad boys” (r). Add to all that the women’s hypergamy and the result is pretty scary for anyone thinking about long term relationship. And I won’t even use the m-word.
It’s not like “not every women is like that”. Every women is capable of this, it’s just the question of will she meet her r-mate at a right moment and could she safely have an affair or branch-swing. If she feels she can do this without jeopardizing her current relationship (or by jumping right into new) she might do this. But I digress.
Now that’s all nice and dandy but let’s put some actual daygame into it. To think of r/K as a binary characteristic is a fallacy. There were some great discussions at Nick Krauser’s blog about r/K being a spectrum (check out reviews of his Daygame Overkill product). On one end you’re a lover (pure r) on the other – provider (pure K) but there are many different kinds of deals this guys give and get. You can be a r-selected boyfriend as much as you can be a K-selected one but that’s the only type of relationship where r and K meet.
K-s are leaning towards being a provider (thus potentially taking care for the child) and r-s are selected for their traits (that may or may be not inherited by the offspring). There’s absolutely no way for a K guy to jump into the lover box. He won’t ever be considered as such as he isn’t presenting himself that way. He isn’t “hot” and if he tries to behave like he is it would be pitiful. However, a r-selected guy theoretically can settle and become a husband but in that process he will lose the r traits that made him attractive. It’s asking for trouble in the long term.
That idea of perfect lover is why women cheat and sleep around with alpha guys. Many of the flings and one night stands aren’t really done with child in mind – girls need thrills. But they’re still hardwired to feel excitement only towards alpha males. Not surprisingly most of those are r-presenting themselves. They don’t advertise any of their potential K characteristics so they are considered lovers or little indiscretions.
Travelling up the r/K spectrum is a painful journey. You really have to have substantial experience with women so just by the way you behave and interact with hot girls you give off that “he’s done this many times” vibe. It’s all in the vibe: cutting down small talk, breaking rapport and literally just not giving a flying fuck about their reactions while still effortlessly making them feel attracted.
I don’t think you can jump from K to r, it’s more of a crawl. You have to do your K stuff and become more experienced with girls before you start to wear your r-image. Occasionally you’ll get a girl that r-selects you and you can easily recognize those. Crazy things happening fast are good hints and you’ll learn that with those girls you can faster and wilder than you’ve ever imagined. Those rare occasions become more frequent and as a result you push more, become more bold which – unfortunately – results in a decrease in your results.
The more r-presented you become the less K-selected you will be. Unfortunately to be consistently r-selected you very often have to be fully converted.
Girls will react differently because you will be selling something different. Not a potential relationship but thrills and good genes. Many girls will still try to lock you down but that’s irrelevant as it happens much later. You can dial down the r-presentation but if adventure sex it’s what you’re after it’s not doing you any good.
The only thing I found to work (and this year it worked every lay so far) is to fall back into r-selected boyfriend mode which is the lowest type of r-relationship. So instead of offering her a hot alpha one night stand or shared alpha cock you’re making her think that she can lock that alpha down. That way you can still do your boyfriendish (K) routines like inviting her to yours for a dinner while maintaining overall r-vibe. You are a player but “lockable”. But do this only after pure r approach result in a failure – that is if you haven’t slept with her on first two-three dates despite your efforts.
Lately that worked for me with three girls. During the seduction process I knew that two of those felt that I’ll never be a boyfriend of their own. As of today one is still my fuck friend and she knows that I sleep with other girls. That K-bit introduced after third date isn’t an issue as long as overall vibe is still r. Calibration failed me with the third girl as she thought we’re about to get serious K-style. My bad and – unfortunately – part of the learning process.
Goal for 2016 is to become more aggressive and r-selected. While I think I’m quite good with my r-presentation during street stop I might have some issues on dates. Like I wrote before – dating is going to be a major topic for this blog in 2016.