Relationship Rules – Universal vs. General
Recently I’ve been bombarded with e-mails about cuddly giver behavior. Similar posts appeared on one Polish forum I read. I really, really, really want to think that it’s one guy under multiple aliases but if it’s not the case I’ll save myself some time repeating the same answer over and over again.
The subject was that not all guys in relationships are alpha and manly. Some of them tell their women repeatedly that they love them, call them “honey”, “sweetie”, express their feelings in public (and social media), shower them with gifts and the girls are still in love with them! That means everything said by either The Red Pill or PUA circles are all wrong! Right?
First false assumption: male SMV is constant.
I’d say that you enter a relationship with a base level of SMV (sexual market value). Whatever you do changes the balance. You improve yourself, make money, become more popular – you gain value. You shower her with unnecessary attention and gifts – you spend your SMV on her. The number one mistake that guys make is they stop gaming the girl after sex/relationship/marriage. And their SMV starts to leak.
Now if you’re one of those very popular guys your high starting point enables you to waste your SMV for a very long time. But when the girl actually starts to measure you (and sooner or later – she will) – you’ll be broke in her eyes. Don’t be that guy.
I’ve never seen a women who respected beta guy who was just sweet and nice and anything else. It’s not in their nature. There are many books on that exact topic and hundreds of examples everywhere around you. But it isn’t enough for my troll. Cause he once was a “badass” and the girl left him for a guy who is now posting “I love you” messages on her Facebook wall.
Second false assumption: there are universal rules because every girl is the same.
Big warning: all girls are the same in that they’ll always try to find best mate and they’ll leave anyone for better choice without any regrets. All girls are the same cause their emotions work in the same way and they get tingles from the same things. That being said there are no universal rules that can get you every girl. That’s why PUAs always stress calibration part of the pickup. You have to adapt to that particular girl.
And there are exceptions to every rule. There are girls who aren’t feminine, weirdos or chicks with problems. But if you’re giving general advice on pickup and sexual strategy (as TRP & PUAs do) you focus on what works for the majority.
Pickup is numbers game in one way: there are things that usually work and things that never work. By doing the former and avoiding the latter you maximize your chances with general population of girls. But you might hit the genetic lottery with one chick while her friend won’t even look at you. For your friend situation might be totally opposite. “Game” works on girls in between those extremes but there’s no escape from whether or not you’re attractive to that particular girl.
You cannot extrapolate from a sample size of one. “Game” is focused on what’s working in general (i.e. more often than not).
Because our troll thinks that if sending “I love you” publicly is met with “I love you too” that means girl is in love and will be with that guy forever.
Third false assumption: rules of male-female relationships are instantaneous.
In respect to the whole pickup, cold approaching – yes, the rules works right there and then. Either you’ll manage to attract a girl (maybe even right away) or you won’t. But as it’s already been said in relationship you need to sustain SMV high enough for her to stay with you (that his: higher than all other available guys around her).
It isn’t about how the relationship is right now. Some of them may last in weird ones for years if their SMV (sexual market value) is high enough. But no women will be with a weak man for her life if she has other options. She’ll either a) cheat b) let herself go c) lose respect for the guy d) start nagging him e) try to catch him with a child and make him her wallet f) leave him for a better catch g) combination of above scenarios. Whatever happens right now isn’t a prediction for the future.
Fourth false assumption: you know everything about other people relationships.
You never know how the relationship looks like from the inside. I’ve witnessed with my own eyes a huge “alpha” guy with a little wife who – as it turned out – hasn’t had sex in months. Yet, they’re perfect couple for everyone else. I’ve seen a girl cheat on a guy for many years and they were not only couple but to everyone around – also friends.
On the other hand – guy that publicly express feelings and shower girl with gifts might be a millionaire who fucks her every night until she passes out exhausted. I doubt that’s my troll’s case. Again – in general – guys are not rich nor hung. They’re average and even if they constantly improve themselves they just can’t act like an international movie star.
And I doubt that even the stars let themselves go while in relationships. It’s all about mindset – the girl is with me because I’m awesome. Why should I even give her anything if letting her be with me is the greatest gift of all?
You’ll never know whether anything works unless you try it yourself. Repeatedly.
That might be somewhat random rambling and it certainly is mental masturbation. If anything is to be taken from this post it’s this: what this blog is about (and Manosphere, PUA, The Red Pill) is sexual strategy. Strategies are not universal but they’re repeatable. Try them by yourself, don’t rely on others. And don’t expect them to work every time.