Dating Beyond The First Date
A fellow daygamer named Paul asked me a while ago about my dating model beyond the first date. That is what do I do if I didn’t sleep with the girl on the first date. Our talk concluded in both of us making notes about our latest lays and creating a basic flow for getting girl to bed in 3 dates or less. This is raw material based on the past and it still has to be tested. As always you have to adapt this model to a particular girl.
Also remember that there is always the long way – dating the girl “boyfriend style” for 4-6 dates finally closing the deal after a nice dinner at your place. This of course can work but many will consider it a waste of time and an overinvestment, especially if you’re looking for a fuck friend instead of a girlfriend. It all depends on your options and your free time. I’m always interested in speeding up the process.
Disclaimer: usual daygame lingo describes first date as “day two” and second date as “day three” and also avoids the word “date”. Let’s keep things simple. First date is a first date.
And why should you be aiming for fast sex? Well, probably because that’s what you want. But even more important is that before sex happens the girl has all the cards in her hand. Remember: she decides about sex but after that the man is in control – he decides where the relationship is going (if anywhere at all).
Sometimes any date (first, second, third…) will take such an awful turn that you definitely won’t be seeing each other again. There is nothing to be done then. Move on.The usual model that I follow for date number one is: meet the girl, short walk, venue one (mostly comfort and attraction, few spikes), short walk, second venue (attraction, seduction, more sexual, a kiss) and then bounceback home (cab or walk to your place) to finally close the deal (comfort and sexual escalation, pulling the trigger). This of course rarely will work precisely that way due to logistics, vibe and other issues so you will be left with one of the following outcomes:
1. No bounceback, no kiss close.
2. You kissed but nothing more happened.
3. You bounced back to your place (rarely this happens without an earlier kiss) but there was no sex.
4. Date ended in you having sex, whatever the place.
When there wasn’t even a kiss best thing to do is to repeat the first date. So either meet up at your favorite place or a venue close to your home (but different than before!). Little twist – you should bounceback after first and only location and then kiss close/fuck at your place. If that doesn’t work or you merely get the kiss (but no sex) that means the girl is not that into you (or you did something to put her off).
It’s your call then – final date at your place (dinner/wine/movie/whatever) or a bridge date if you suspect comfort is the issue. Mind that if she doesn’t want to come to yours after that then it’s the end. Next.
If you did get a kiss or managed to bounce her home but nothing serious happened (outcomes 2-3) definitely set up next date at your place. She knows what you’re up to, she still can give you some resistance but it’s the best thing to do. If she says that it’s “too fast” or some crap like not knowing you enough then treat it like a shit test. She wants you to take control and not to crumble.
If at any moment you feel that you’re pulling too hard then you should analyze carefully. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if the girl wants you to destroy all her objections or she really doesn’t want to come. If you need to back off do exactly as you’d do when you don’t get a kiss close. That is – meet in a place next to your home, get a drink and then bounceback.
Remember that you’ll usually get only one chance to undress the girl (girls that were naked rarely come back if there was no sex) so if you pull the trigger it’s best not to miss. That’s why you see a lot of advice to get the girl home as fast as you can while she is still feeling adventurous and excited. You don’t want her to think that you two are “dating”. You are trying to sleep with her and the “dating” may or may not be the option later. That’s why I don’t think meeting again and again in all sorts of cool venues is good for you. Those are for the first or second date.
On the inviting to yours: it’s better to pick her up from a place nearby (bus stop, park, bridge, square) than to ask her to come to a given address. It’s more effective to text “I’ll pick you up from X Square at 7 pm. Bring your favorite sparkling wine.” than to send her your address. Plus the short walk together makes things more comfortable for her. Believe it or not – she really may be nervous walking to your door. Your presence and chitchat will help.
So what after third inconclusive date? The thing that works for me lately is a bridge date to provide her with more comfort. It’s a short coffee date without any elements of pulling to let her know you’re not that crazy dude who’s only “come to my place”, “come to my place”, “come to my place”.
You can also focus on getting more leads and work those hard and fast.
Seems like a lot of work? Yup, that’s why it’s best to close the deal as fast as you can. In 2015 it usually happened to me on the first date (two venues, bounceback, sex) or on the second (two venues, no bounceback, next date at my place, sex). I’ve tried to speed this up even more but failed – hence my latest realization of the importance long term comfort. Many girls just don’t want to feel used.
Remember that some will sleep with you right away, though. Don’t play long game with those.