I’ve already written and discarded at least two posts about dating. It’s too big of a topic to cover in a single text. Hence – a quick tip about something called bridge dates.
Standard dating model calls for sex as fast as possible. Preferably on a first date (bounceback from second venue to your place, escalate, sex) or second (date at your place). Third date is a fall back if you still think girl is down to fuck (DTF). But if you’re still “gaming” the girl after third date and haven’t had sex you are not only in “boyfriend zone”. You’re the one being screwed (investing so much while getting nothing in return).
Dating girls without sex for a long time not only puts you in the boyfriend box. When sex happens fast the relationship itself is so much better (r vs K). Also: your time could be spent better.
Fast sex is the way to go. And then you can decide if you’re interested in any kind of a relationship. However, pushing for sex on every single date can raise suspicions – girl might think you just want to use her. Whether that’s true it’s whole different story (and I advise that you don’t lie to girls nor pretend that you two have a future if you just expect sex). Imagine this scenario: you bounced her back on a first date then invited her next time for a dinner. Should you have yet another date at your place? Don’t you think she’s lacking either some dread and/or comfort?
Unfortunately it all depends on a girl. Some already know the third date rule (will be DTF third time, no worries) and others – in my experience the younger ones – might at this point wonder what’s this is all about and become withdrawn. Inviting them over and over to your place won’t solve the problem.
Some might say – just next the girl! That’s one way to do it. I’d rather search for patterns that can get me more sex. If I suspect that the relationship lacks comfort I take the bridge date route.
I underused this plot in the past. Now I start to think that I’m pulling too much on the dates, so I experiment more.The bridge date in that scenario will serve as a push (as opposed to pulling her to my place). That push will be a very short (half an hour to an hour) coffee date, where I won’t be hitting on her, suggesting going back to mine or escalating in any way besides kisses for hello and goodbye. I make some future projections and seed an activity back at my place but nothing other than that. It should be a little dull but of course I DHV and tell her about other activities I’m enjoying and the reason why I have only one hour.
Now I don’t have enough examples to list all the possible outcomes but as for now – if played well – it usually ends in girl making her mind. Either she’ll fuck with you next time (doing the activity that you’ve seeded) or decide that you’re not as attractive as she thought.
The other – much less controversial – application of a bridge date is to fill the gap between getting her number and a proper date. She could be a busy girl who is quite eager to meet but you cannot find an evening that you’re both free on. Any of you might be about to travel, go to vacation or be otherwise occupied for longer period of time. When a lead is too hot to let it go cold use a short bridge date to keep the interest high.
In that regard it will be like an instant date: one hour max, without any attempts at pushing things further (unless you’ll learn in the process that logistic is perfect). Don’t make it boring or entertaining – just extend the street stop to full hour. Lots of vibing, a little bit of rapport, few sexual spikes here and there so she knows you’re a man. And as always in that situations – do some future projections, seed the next meet. It will be so much easier to go on a proper date later… or you’ll never hear from her again. But that way you wasted only an hour.
It is possible to go for a first date even after a month of getting her number but why should you maintain that lead warm when you can verify her interest with a bridge date?
In all my dating I relied too much on long evenings, building momentum and using it to get the girl to my place. Jealousy, dread, unavailability are tools that I’ve been using too sparingly. Since dates are my main sticking point I will certainly write more about them in the upcoming weeks.