Attraction Isn’t Negotiable But It’s Measurable

A cute girl with a come hither look.

So much for the big title and clickbait. I of course do believe you can measure attraction but there isn’t an instrument or even a simple way to do it. However, at any point in the interaction you can ask yourself one crucial question: what are her feelings towards me?

She’s either a) not interested b) interested but not (yet) attracted c) attracted but not (yet) down to fuck d) down to fuck. I wouldn’t say you have to advance through them linearly but it’s hard to skip a level. And it’s almost impossible to escape from “not interested” zone. Leave those girls alone and don’t waste your (and her) time.

Nothing concerning human interactions is binary. Attraction level is continuous not discreet.

If a girl is not interested she won’t even communicate or at very best she’ll answer your questions using as little words as possible. Do a quick test: send her a ping without a question. Does she write back? Also: does she invest during the conversations, asks questions?

She can also be interested (i.e. respond well, talk much) but not attracted. She’s passive, waiting for you to sweep her off her feet or fall into the friendzone (or out of her radar). Girls in that category can either root for you to succeed or wait for you to fail. If she wants you to succeed she leans into the “attracted” category but remember that she’s not there yet. Anything good you do (pass her shit test, DHV – demonstrate high value, show social calibration or other attractive qualities) will be remembered and most light failures will be forgotten. There’s a lot of work but it’s rather pleasant unless you do a major fuck up.

However if she’s only slightly interested, she can be waiting for your first failure and then she’s out forever. Girls like that can become attracted if you hit the jackpot – do something enjoyable she wasn’t expecting, show a quality she’d never guess or display your SMV in a new way (she learns you’re loaded, adventurous, famous). There is hard work with those and a metric ton of shit tests. You need to become a man in her eyes.

A cute girl with a come hither look.

That look… Does it mean “I want you” or “I wanna kill you and destroy your face”? Tough call…

Don’t forget one of the greatest truths: attraction cannot be negotiated. Whatever you say won’t make her wet. Your actions and vibe counts, not words.Girls that are attracted but not yet down to fuck are the girls that don’t need much game at all. Why they’re not ready for sex? There are usually some comfort issues, artificial time constraint (three dates rule) or – most likely – they wait for a perfect moment (logistics). Follow the model stopping every now and then to check where you are with her. Your goal is to create right atmosphere and an excuse for her to let herself go. She just doesn’t want to feel like a slut – protect her from that and you’re almost there.

After that lengthy introduction let’s quickly jump to today’s advice: at any point in interaction you should know where she is in the “not interested – attracted” spectrum. That’s less crucial during the street approach but invaluable after you start dating.

I wasn’t considering this and I was lying to myself in the past about girls’ investment level. As a result I focused on wrong women assuming all of them are equally attracted after first date and I did not calibrate my further interactions.

So during every date take a moment and think: what are her feelings right now? Is she attracted and adventurous? Good, advance through the dating model. Is she losing attraction and/or interest towards you? Act quickly – spike, raise the temperature or if everything fails end the date. That alone can be attractive move if you weren’t needy in your behavior.

When you’re texting between dates ask yourself once again: does she want to meet or is she already down to fuck? Or maybe she’s less interested than before? If you suspect that you’re going backwards slow down and go for a bridge date or do a bounceback from nearby location instead of asking her to come to your place. But if everything’s on track – full speed ahead. You do want to sleep with her as fast as possible.

What’s changed in my approach is that I will now reevaluate her investment after every date and plan next moves accordingly. You don’t want to stop girl that’s quickly gaining attraction towards you. At the same time you need more time and more DHV for girls that aren’t that attracted (yet). And sometimes it’s just time for good old crash and burn.

One final thought: many of the techniques and tips you learn from PUAs are applicable to girls that are already attracted. You cannot apply dread game or radio silence to a girl who is merely interested. She’ll just lose that interest. You cannot expect a non-attracted girl to seek contact with you. Even if she roots for you, she won’t do much to help. That’s your job as a man.


Male-female relationships commentator. Also a traveler, adrenaline junkie and, believe it or not, introvert. Still obsessed with working out, coaching daygame and living life to the full.

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