Total Abundance Mentality vs. Daygame
Welcome to another mental masturbation post. This time it’ll be all about “abundance mentality”.
Imagine yourself with 30 fuck friends. They’re all hot, young, available and very much into you. You can sleep with different girl each day for a month and then repeat until you’re bored. What would be the consequences? How would you behave? You’d be exhausted for sure but let’s stick to what’s important in this mental exercise.
First and foremost – you wouldn’t be chasing any new girls. You have more than enough, your balls would be like raisins. You’d probably need rest and good night sleep more than another fuckfest.
Second – you’d have sex whenever you fancy. Just text/call a girl and she’ll come. If she has any issues / wants to do something else before coming to your place / is not sure she can make it today – you just say “ok” and get yourself another girl.
Third – you’d honest about what you want from her. You just want sex? You never do anything else with her. You want to have a nice dinner and then fuck? You do this. You actually want to spend some quality time with her? You do. If she’s expecting more than you want to offer then you give her The Talk and let the chips fall.
Fourth – if she wants to reschedule last minute (for any reason) or tries to convince you to doing something she wants and you don’t – you just say no. You don’t have to put up with her humors. Why would you cave in? Tell her no, then give her enough time (aka radio silence) and she’ll come back. Or not. Do you care?
Fifth – if she continues to misbehave you explicitly tell her to GTFO. Your time is better spent with more compliant girls.
Sounds great? But beware – these imaginary conditions are terrible considering your daygame adventures and meeting new women. You just wouldn’t have any motivation to do your work. Even if you spot a hot chick you’d think “nah, I don’t need more girls in my harem”. If you forced yourself, got a number and even met her then you’d probably be a terrible date. No sexual tension, no spiking, not caring about getting even basic rapport. There is a difference between projecting abundance and projecting grand jerkiness.
This is also a place for a warning: in that state you’d probably pretend that you’re a celebrity with such high sexual market value that you expect nothing less than utmost compliance. One flake and she’s out. But be realistic in your expectations. Her family, friends and hobbies more often than not will be of higher importance to her as she’s known you for 10-15 minutes tops. Yeah, sometimes you’ll sweep her off her feet or be such perfect genetic match that she’ll go to a date instead of her grandma’s funeral. But most of the time you’ll be just that “random charming dude”.
Back to our story. If your goal is to have a harem then you’re done. You’ve succeeded. Find a new purpose in life. But if you want to conquer new territories and fuck new girls then absolute abundance isn’t the best mindset. Nor is total scarcity. We all know what scarcity brings to the table – supplicating behavior, neediness, pedestalising, insecurities and most of all – putting up with crazy shit just to get laid.
As always with everything everywhere – you have to find the right balance (which sure as hell isn’t on the side of scarcity!). In retrospective you can see how often you act like you wouldn’t give a damn and when you’re just being needy. Funny thing is that stopping yourself and reflecting on your past actions is the single best learning tool. Little guidance, lot of self-analysis and you can internalize lessons a lot better than by learning from someone else. You just teach yourself.
How to spot the problem? Give some thought about every recent girl you were gaming. How many times you’ve told her to get her shit straight (or maybe even decided to next her)? And how often you put up with something you’d rather not? How many times you lost her trying too hard? Look for things that changed her behavior (for better or for worse).
These could be little things. I know I did bad lately – had two dates aligned one evening and I was hoping to meet the more prospective girl so I tried to indirectly confirm the time. I shouldn’t have – she asked to reschedule. Now this would happen no matter what but I lost few imaginary points for unnecessary neediness. Even that trying to confirm indirectly as opposed to asking directly isn’t such a big deal.
Other day I was having an unexpected free evening. Great occasion for doing something productive but instead I decided to burn some very old leads. Christmas time was pretty good for reestablishing contact with few girls. They should’ve been warmed in the long game. I burned the leads instead.
On one date last week I’ve tried to bounceback home and failed. It happens, it was our first date. But instead of calling it a night I’ve caved in to another drink. Yeah, I liked the girl but that wasn’t a smart move. In the big picture I should’ve just ended the date.
On the other hand I did some things that I should be doing more. A girl tried to hijack the date and meet near her work instead of a bar near my place. That was second date, she was super bitchy so I just said that I’m the one inviting her – she can choose the place when it’s her turn to invite me somewhere. If she isn’t willing to commute for a date then sure as hell she’s not going to fuck me.
I’ve cut short another date after girl rambled about herself and her travels for most of the time. No amount of humblebragging, changing topics or sexualizing the atmosphere would change anything. She wasn’t looking for a fuck, she was looking for an audience. As we were approaching second venue she started to push for “a walk” as she “didn’t want another drink”. I’ve walked her off to a metro station and said that this isn’t going to work. Bulled dodged.
Another girl that was at my place (second date) stopped all my attempts to kiss her. Didn’t she knew what she was getting into? After The Talk she said that she needs to really know someone before she can get intimate (her words!). Sorry girl, I won’t be your gay best friend. Do you need a taxi to get out of here?
I think these are good enough examples to give an idea what to look for. If you’ve sensed that it isn’t going well and backed off – good. Didn’t cave in to her demands – great. Did something against yourself or your model just to get laid – bad.
Rethink every date, approach and interaction. Reinforce the good behavior, eradicate the bad.
How? How to put it all into action? Sadly, there isn’t better tool than “fake it till you make it”. Keep teaching yourself and correcting your bad actions. In time you’ll either a) get rid of all bad habits b) develop real abundance due to massive amount of action c) quit.
2015 was a nice journey. There wasn’t a time this year when I hadn’t have few plates on my menu. I swap them for new ones every now and then so sex isn’t an issue. I’m meeting new girls weekly. I have shitload of contacts and continue to get more of them almost every day.
What I don’t have in excess is new notches. All my fuckups were due to me seeing an opportunity to get new pussy. I tried to speed things up. Yup, I’m currently in “Relentless Notch Count Hyena” stage (I believe that term was coined by Nick Krauser). So that means this is the part where I need to look more carefully. Inspect, adapt, repeat. That’s how you (re)build your character. Onto the 2016!