IDGAF Attitute And Lack Of Patience
Recently I’ve had a chance of talking to some guys that in their own mind exhibit the I Don’t Give A Fuck (IDAGF) attitude but in reality they just lacked patience. I don’t say those are the opposite ends of a spectrum but I do mean that getting too cocky can harm your results. At the same time you’d feel better that you “just don’t care” and like those guys you can pretend that you Don’t Give A Fuck.
That also doesn’t mean that you lose focus on the goal which is obviously sex. You still have to be at your best, do your part of the work and be actively picking up and seducing.How I understand IDGAF can be described as outcome independence. You don’t give a flying fuck whether the girl will show up for a date or sleep with you the very same day or – especially – do you step on any of her toes. I’m not talking about insulting her but rather playfully making fun of her. Even though you think that you might flip the wrong switch (spoiler alert: you won’t). All that rounds up into IDGAF attitude – you want to have some fun and also yes – sleep with a girl – but that doesn’t mean you’ll cry under the shower when you face a rejection.
Now the guys I’ve been talking to were a little bit too loud about whole IDGAF idea. They said that they don’t talk with girls during an approach – “if she wants to meet then we’ll meet; I don’t have time for playing games”. They think they’re should be number one priority in girl’s life – “if she flakes for whatever reason I’m nexting her”. Yeah, macho, good for you. You’ve lost a perfectly good girl just because you’re too proud and/or socially uncalibrated. Some of them might’ve been exploiting their good looks but dating well below their capabilities or just spam approaching in search for a “yes” girl. All because they don’t want to do any game. I assume they’re just afraid that they’ll lose.
That attitude culminates in guys saying “I could easily bang her but decided against it”. I’ve never for a single time believed anyone who said that. They just quit before they could be rejected. Because really, you could’ve just “easily” pumped and dumped her if you really don’t care (assuming she’s attractive).
What I’ve found to be a perfect addition and counterbalance to guys exaggerated IDGAF attitude is patience. Seduction is not going your way? Good, wait some time and continue. She’s flaking? Good, give her an “ok” and watch how sorry she’ll be. Angry “I don’t care, fuck off” changes to calm “I don’t care, I have plenty of options”. Even if you don’t have abundance a girl will still wonder why you’re so casually accepting a flake or playfully joking about her being late (“You’re late – first round’s on you!” being the golden standard nowadays).
And on the other hand – lately I’ve heard a lot of stories from girls I’ve been dating about their past dates/Tinder experiences with guys that just couldn’t wait. Inviting a girl home in a first message, calling girl names and insulting her when she flakes, rushing out of the date when she refuses to kiss – lack of patience in horny guys is disturbing. I know that having few girls on rotation helps but I’ve never hampered my results that way. Like many daygamers I’ve been too nice.
So let’s go through steps where patience is more beneficial than nexting the girl and calling it IDGAF.
You can’t go to a girl and say “Hey, you’re cute. I’d like to take you out, give me your number”. Well, you can but it’s dumb and pointless. Most of those numbers will flake and those that won’t usually be of lesser quality. It’s not IDGAF – it’s working against yourself. Girls just aren’t wired that way. Many of my lays were at first at least little bit suspicious. You have to work through that, generate attraction, get into rapport – that’s what makes a number solid. All it takes is 5-10 minutes.
Not to mention that guys that in their own mind “don’t care” gets brutally beaten down by a single eastern girl giving them the dreadful “Russian Minute”. They just eject. If you can have a cool and cheerful conversation despite the girl giving only one word answers then you have the right attitude.
All in all patience on the street is easy – just be present (adjust according to the cues), don’t eject unless she walks away and – especially before the hook point – drive the conversation.
This is the part where most guys let their emotions get better of them. They assume they’re so high value that the girl should just drive to their apartment and suck their cock. I’m sorry to tell you that, but you’re still a stranger to her. She talked with you for few minutes and her friends and family have years of advantage over you. So not giving a fuck for a first flake would be replying “ok” or nothing at all and resuming interaction after few days. Saying “oh just who cares” and deleting the contact details is just robbing yourself of an opportunity. And what for?
Don’t let her push you though. Me and many others next girl at second flake.
Have in your mind that while she’s not a special snowflake, you also aren’t that important to her. If you want to learn that mindset – set up dates with few girls on the same date and time. When the day comes you’ll have to choose one and cancel the others. Do this few times and that will teach you how to flake on girls and you’ll be less emotionally vulnerable when girl flakes. Do it especially if you’ve never cancelled a date! It sure helped me in realizing that it isn’t a big deal.
When it comes to closing – sleeping with the girl – I think it’s crucial to be patient… up to a certain point. If you decided to pull the trigger then do it without hesitation and to the end. You’ll rarely be given a second chance. While it’s hard to be outcome independent when you have a girl in your bedroom it doesn’t mean rushing things is ok. But if you’ve warmed up the girl, she jumped through your hoops and if you think she’s ready – go for it. You shouldn’t be crying if it’s too soon for her and you understand that if you misjudged her she probably won’t come back (hence – IDGAF). There will be more girls after her.
At the same time don’t be too pushy. If there are clear signs that girls not ready tonight – don’t push it! Both patience (“I can control myself”) and IDGAF (“Sex, no sex – whatever”) are equally crucial. Unless you’re a beginner. If it’s one of your first 20-30 daygame lays then do crash and burn. You’ll learn much more that way.
That doesn’t mean that in the final stage of seduction there is no push-pull nor that she won’t have LMR. IDGAF at this point it’s just self-amusement and – yes – outcome independency. If you want her but you don’t need her – she has no power over you.
The bottom line is – it’s good to be outcome independent and not giving a fuck in that regard. But don’t run away from any difficulties that might come up during the seduction process nor be a social caveman pretending to be a macho with an ego size of a freight train.