Good Old DHV Resurrected
More and more posts are being prompted by recent discussions that I have. This is about pushing too much focus on the girl. Yes, it should be on her but you can overdo this.
Let’s start with some history. Last year I was really into making girls invest more in the conversations. Everyone says that the girl should be talking more, you shouldn’t be showing off and talking about yourself. All the conversation should be about her. In that regard I succeeded tremendously – I’ve met a lot of girls that were doing almost all the talking (starting at Vibing phase of the model). They were having what I assume were great conversations with a guy who listened and was – after talking for 5-10 minutes – still a complete stranger. They knew completely nothing about me, save for my name.
As you can guess almost all of those numbers flaked.
On the opposite side of the spectrum you have guys that DHV (Demonstrate Higher Value) all the time. When you meet a stranger one of the most trivial question is “so… what do you do?”. If you’re a douche you’ll try to show off by saying “I’m an lawyer but most of my time I spend training for triathlon – swimming, long distance running, riding a bike. In the summer I sail and do some off-road with a dirtbike but when I really want to chill and calm down I play the drums or make amateur videos. That is if I’m not on a vacation cause I like to travel a lot. Other than that, you know, boring stuff – reading books, throwing parties and watching old Russian documentaries about war. Have I mention that I’m also a certified scuba diver? Oh, and…” I don’t know about you but after writing the second sentence I wanted to punch that virtual guy in the face. It’s just too much!
After meeting a girl she should know at least few things so she can think of you as “cool guy from [a town] who plays drums and runs marathons” or “mysterious guy working corporate job who travels a lot and rides motorbikes”. “Handsome guy who stopped me at the metro station” is very often not enough for her to pursue any contact at all. You need to DHV but don’t brag. Keep it balanced.
Now, for the actual advice during an approach: the girl ideally should walk away with three pieces of information about you. One will be boring (your job, hometown, what you’re up to) and two will be exciting (a.k.a. DHV). I assume you’re doing many such things like sports, travels, creative hobbies, dangerous or masculine activities, learning something unique, etc. If you’re a beginner those things will come up to you occasionally – she’s talking about her jogging, you make a joke that you’ll wait for her on the next marathon finish line and inevitably she’ll ask if you run. That’s your cue. Shine and then go back to her.
After many approaches you’ll start to categorize girls and you’ll more or less know what would be interesting to her. Some girls will admire your lifting and others are more into travels. You can steer a conversation into desired direction for example by telling her that everyone should have a creative hobby and she looks more like a painter than poem writer. She’ll explain herself and get back to you with a question about your creative work. You primed that nicely so answer her in detail that you’ve always wanted to be a musician and as of lately you’re making your childhood fantasies real playing drums and then… yes, you guessed it – go back to her.
How to DHV without bragging? Don’t just state a fact, bury it in a longer sentence so it becomes indirect. “It’s so much better when you exercise before your work. Not only you don’t need morning coffee but all your afternoons are free. Doing it every day is so addicting you want to wake up early on weekends too.” Or you can neg yourself. Yes – say something cool about you and playfully take it back in a way that the quality is still present. “I really love to sail but I’m usually doing it in the Mediterranean. Weather is great, views are perfect but to be honest it’s mostly because the sea is so calm there. Only way to avoid being seasick – my face don’t look good in green.” (Tom Torero calls this humble-bragging.)
While on the date you will surely give out more information about yourself. Try to cherry pick your qualities, don’t brag about everything. DHV stands for Demonstration of Higher Value, not any value at all. Filter out those that would be unattractive for that particular girl (that is – calibrate). If you don’t have any idea that means you’re not even trying to get to know her. Fall back to standard plan: stick to masculine and dangerous qualities. And remember to always wrap them in stories. Don’t just say “I like to ride my bike fast”, devise a plot where you was leading a trip with a friends and you lost one guy and had to go back looking for him falling into all sorts of trouble. Paint a live picture with your words. Girls love that and they will pick up your traits themselves. Then go back to them, keep them investing more but also – reveal yourself every now and then.
Standard rule applies: if there’s nothing exciting happening right now just assume all cool things from your life happened this/last year. It’s not lying if you’re altering only the chronology.
Also: appear real. It’s easy to become unrealistic if there’s so much going on in your life. If you start to appear as Mr. Too Successful you can balance that on a date with a personal story, preferably from childhood (to distance your current self from troubled child). You might’ve been a nerd, fat, had long hair and had a hard time but managed to push through and become successful. There could be a family tragedy that you’ll reveal to her not for some dumb shit but to connect with her. She can then relate to you as a person, not just a poster image.
If, like me, you are the victim of “talk only about her” advice or you’re just afraid of showing off then you should have an idea of how to present yourself in an interaction with strangers. This works not only for picking up girls but also for meeting new people.